Little Boys in the Women's Locker Room

[Veronica]

Swim lessons have started at my local pool and I swear all the students are little boys! The sub three year olds in the women's locker room don't bother me. But some of them seemed to be a little older - like 5 or 6. I know why moms bring their little guys in - to make sure they get dried off and changed appropriately. But I'm still kind of freaked out by a strange kid watching me get nekkid! I changed in the handicapped toilet!

Veronica

[Irulan]

as a mom of two now big boys... there are probalby other factors involved
a- fear of "perverts" in the men's room
b- fear that your little monkeys would be having water fights and be swinging off the ceiling pipes in the men's room.

Count me as a member of the "B" camp, at least for 5 and 6 year olds.

I can understand why it might make you uncomfortable.

You have a right to feel comfortable. I"d express it to management. One more vote for "family locker rooms"! Our gym has two set locker rooms, niether is designated as no opposite sex kids but I can see the possiblities.

-irulan

[MightyMitre]

Are they seriously staring at you or just passing a curious glance?

If they're really staring you could try giving them a hard stare back - a kind of 'Do-you-mind...' glare. It might make them cast their attention elsewhere.

[Veronica]

Most of them were just being curious I think. I went to the toilet stall because one of the older ones - who wasn't even swimming- was a little too interested. Granted I was pulling out all my biking stuff from the locker. Not stuff you'd normally expect to see.

I kind of wondered what the moms would think if I just changed in front of some of the older ones too.

I did email Parks and Rec and suggest that the rear half of the locker room be for women only. It's a big enough locker room that it could divided like that.

V.

[bounceswoosh]

Well ... it could be worse ...

I've been in women's restrooms and had small children climb under the separators to see me while I'm peeing ... such fun ...

[Irulan]

well if it were me and my kids... I wouldn't care, nudity has never been a big deal at our house (segue, the kids sure let you know when it's not okay anymore if you are sensitive to signals!)

I would suspect that the "interested" types probably don't get everyday exposure to everyday nudity.

Locker rooms are funny places. You'd think that some people wouldnt' be shocked if you were nekkid in front of their kids... blatant as in no towel but you never know. But ultimately that would be thier problem, if they got upset, not yours.


I've always been a "whatever" kind of gal, and not shy at all but it seems like there's the whole range in a women's locker room from those who can manage to compeltelye change while under a towel, to those like me, and I know I get uncomfortable when I'm in a room full of under the towel types, like maybe for some reason I shouldn't be naked in a locker room?

But for what I bet you are paying for a health club in the Bay Area, they should make sure it works for you!!

irulan

[Veronica]

Yeah, I've always the been the type to change and not cover up with a towel or use one of the little changing rooms. We all have the same parts after all. That's what locker rooms are for. For me it comes from doing team sports as a kid.

V.

[bounceswoosh]

I just get frustrated with the co-ed locker rooms we have for ice hockey. It's necessary so that we can set up our game plan and such, but it always seems that the guys take over the shower area and act like they own it -- then get freaked out if a female opens the door.

If the Y showers weren't so gross, I'd be tempted to walz in there and take a shower myself while a guy is showering. I wonder how he'd react.

Er, on second thought, I don't want to know.

I grew up in a fairly naked-friendly household, but I've learned since then that a lot of people don't walk around nude all the time ... so I try to be sensitive to the prevailing attitude.

[massbikebabe]

Veronica:

Being the mother of a boy I have always found that this subject comes up over and over and over again AND again when my husband used to swim with our daughter. I don't know what the perfect answer is but at our Y we voted to do the following:
If you are bringing your child to class you must use the Girls
changing area and not the Ladies Locker Room. We opened a
family change area and belive it or not it gets little use...most moms prefer just to use the Girls Locker with their swinging from the ceiling male offspring. When my son was little we did not have a vote on this and I used to drag him into the Ladies Locker with me. I remember hearing him tell a woman one day that his mother had the exact same bra on that she was wearing!
Sad fact is I was always more afraid and I still am afraid now when my son, (now 12) goes off into the locker or mens room by himself. He is so small and fair...he would be an "ideal" pick for a weirdo. Lately I worry more about his safety than I do about my 16 year old daughters safety...weird huh?
karen

[Veronica]

Nope, not weird at all. It's a sad world we live in. Personally I'd rather have little boys in the locker room because it means they're being active (not sitting in front of a tv eating twinkies.) Learning to swim is a good thing. AND I have options. If I'm in a hurry, I can use the handicapped bathroom or I can just wait until they clear out and go to their lessons or home.

I did get an email back from Parks and Rec saying that they do have a family changing area available if people ask. That didn't sound like a convenient arrangement to me for a mom. But I'm going to let it go.

V.

[Irulan]

This is a sensitive subject for me.

pulling out my soapbox...

from the POV of a csa (childhood sexual abuse) survivor, I do think it's putting your concern for you son in the wrong place. Most sexual abuse done to kids is done by relatives, close family friend and trusted adults that are in the child's sphere of relationships... not strangers. These adults scope out kids, earn their trust, earn the parent's trust and THEN abuse them. My opinion is that you'd be better to educate your kids about good touch/ bad touch, what do with feelings of uncomfortableness... and not to have blind obiedence to adults. As a parent, what you can do is be aware of other adults in your life that may have a little too much interest in developing a close relationship with your child.

http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/sexabuse.htm


ok, putting soapbox awawy now.


Irulan

[spokes]

excellent point, irulan. as women, we learn to be afraid of strangers when we're walking down the street. but we are far more likely to be abused or assualted by a partner than a stranger. we as a society misplace our trust -- apparently we should be more suspiscious of the people we know. it's very sad really, that those we trust are far more likely to hurt us.

okay, i'll get off my soapbox too. if i had any solutions to the problem, i would offer, but alas i know nothing about this! just ranting.

[massbikebabe]

My son just reminded me....

of a swim meet that my older daughter was in about 75 miles from our home. I packed everyone into the car and set off for the meet, of course have way down the Massachusetts Turnpike my then 5 year old son decides he has to pee. So we pull off into a rest area and he bolts from the car so that he can get away from me and not have to use the "Ladies Room". Into the mens room he went and into the mens room I went chasing him! You should have seen his face and the faces of the other males in the batroom I grabbed my kid and then turned to them and told them I was a nurse so I didn't really think it a bad thing I was in the bathroom with them!!!

Penny: I have been an ER nurse for 13 years and have seen
"stranger rape" slowly increase over the years...but I do nod to your statement that abuse occurs more often with people we know!

karen