Who told there DH, about new bike?

[logdiva32]

I remember some posts on how some of you broke it to your Sig other about buying a new bike. Well I did the same today.... He is going to get me. Note: He did not know about the money I have been saving for a new bike. I took the last 30% from our savings. I know I am wrong, its like I am a bike addict now.. If I say, I will sell my old bikes he won't believe me, because even I know I won't. Thinking about hiding it in my office for a while???
But it climbs great, waiting on my shorter stem to come in though.

[Wahine]

Well, someone on another thread suggested telling him during or immediately after mindblowing sex. All I know is that I have been bugging DH for months now about getting a new bike. And last night... lets just say that this morning he said I could buy any racing bike I wanted. (now don't get all excited TE girls, unfortunately, he was joking).

[KayTee]

Ha! Did you let him know that you took it as a joke?!

[East Hill]

Oooh, that sound like a very bad idea, getting the last 30% out of savings. If it was entirely out of your account, that's a different story, but not out of a joint account.

I'm really not certain how I would handle that, as Mr. East Hill and I have separate accounts for that very reason. He has his hobbies and toys, and I have mine. I don't have to explain my decisions for purchases, and neither does he. On the other hand, Mr. East Hill is very modest in his purchases, and so am I.

But I think I would let your SO know, and get the money back into savings as soon as possible.

East Hill

[mimitabby]

East Hill has sound advice.
Although I am just as bad as the next gal, enabling huge bike purchases,
you have a trust relationship with your partner and if you betray that trust, what do you have?
I did almost the same thing you did, I bought a bike and then told my husband later that day when we were both spinning on air trainers.
But I didn't touch our savings, I knew we had enough $$ to do it.

[Blueberry]

I have to agree with East Hill and Mimi - DH and I have separate checking and savings accounts (plus a "joint" savings - all accounts are titled jointly, though). He transfers his "share" of the bill money to me, and keeps extra money. Whatever is left after bills is mine (after my half of the bill money plus the money he transferred goes to pay bills - one of my chores).

We both then can move funds between our checking and savings accounts as needed for purchases. I probably wouldn't make a large purchase without asking his opinion, but that's because I trust him, not because I have to... (when I have to buy new suits for work, I certainly don't ask). No money comes out of the joint savings without both of us discussing (hasn't happened yet, actually).

I agree - get the 30% that came from savings back ASAP. And enjoy the new bike

[Brandi]

Ohhhh my dh would be so mad at me.

[Aggie_Ama]

That's a toughy,I don't know what to tell you. My DH and I have joint accounts. He is horrible with money, so I handle everything. I am honest about where it is going, he knows the passwords and where I keep the bill spread sheet.

Our big purchases are a joint decision. He said "Yes, we should go get that bike today." He said we should look at a mountain bike I am considering.

I would be honest with him and if you touched savings, I would sell an old bike. I just sold mine and although I miss her, the money is possibly helping me get a used mountain bike.

[margo49]

Deal with this situation and its implications/ consequences for your relationship (hopefully only short term) asap.
Otherwise it will just get worse for you inside and then actually *be* worse when it is finally aired .
Worse still - you will feel "funny" about that bike which will sure take the edge off its coolness,newness,etc

Best of luck and remember none of us are perfect and all relationships have their crises occasionally and we learn from them (and then go on to have other crises and so on!!)

[Triskeliongirl]

I think the sooner you tell him the better. He will be a lot more pissed if he just notices there is suddenly less money in the account. Now, I don't know big a long term finanical hardship this will be for you and your family. If it is, then maybe you really should sell some of your other bikes (how many bikes are there?). But otherwise, just be honest with him, let him know that you know you should have talked about it first, but that you screwed up. If you honestly think you have a problem controlling your spending (on bikes or otherwise) then as your spouse ask him to help you figure out how to do better. But then also emphasize the health benefits of cycling, cuz it some ways a good bike is like money in the bank if it keeps you healthier. Also, why don't you sit down and ask yourself why you did it without consulting him. Do you believe there is a power inbalance in your marriage that you were lashing out at? If so, talk about that with him, or whatever other thoughts come to mind.

[logdiva32]

Thank you guys. Many valid points here. I partially told him this morning. I called him at work to tell him to move the money from our sav to his check, because I used the debit card. I did not tell him what for. He could not have lunch with me to tell him face to face. But I will have to tonight.. I agree, I must sell my other bikes. They are old except for 2. Oh, I did not break the bank, Just cut out a few dinners out and mall visits for a couple months and we will recover.
Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.
Hope, I don't break the bank waiting.. But, I will RIDE til I think its, OKAY.

[Tuckervill]

>>Long term we do have many issues.. His brother was killed by a DD in Aug, while on his motorcycle after his shift as a prison guard. And his sister was brutally murdered in Jul. So my happy go lucky guy. Is overweight and mean since.. But we will be alright, I will wait on him.<<

Frankly, I think you just spat on him.

He's mean!? Formerly happy-go-lucky? He's sick. Get him some help. Show him some respect. Take the bike back.

Karen

[Offthegrid]

I told my new guy on our first date that if I get near my goal weight, I'm going to spend $2,500 to $3,000 on a triathlon bike. He was a bit shocked at the price tag, but I figure I gotta get that out there right away that bikes cost more than $150.

I'm not married, but I can imagine being honest and up front about it -- for as long as possible before the actual purchase -- would be the way to go.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I don't know how many bikes you have, or just how "old" they are, but it couldn't hurt to sell some as at least a gesture of good faith now that what's done is done. Don't wait for him to ask you if you'll sell them. Take the initiative and do what's right.
Your husband has been through UNBELIEVABLE awful grief experiences over the past few months. Who could possibly be happygolucky after such horrendous events?
Perhaps you should approach him about riding WITH you as a way for him to begin doing good healthy/healing things for himself and as a way for you both to bond or draw closer together. HE is the one who needs comforting- he must feel as though his whole world is crashing down and nobody thinks about HIM or his needs at all. There are many ways you can help make things right if you are creative and determined.

[logdiva32]

No, I didn't spit on him. I did not spend our life savings.. He won't cry. But I am wrong.
Frankly I wish he would talk. He never says anything about his sister or brother. He used to talk about "when we were kids" all the time. I don't think I've heard him say his sisters name since, she was killed. I know he feels he should have done something. He keeps sending me job listings from his hometown, he wants to move back I assume.
I did buy him a bike first actually.. But it just hangs on the wall. I know he needs help, but he wouldn't ever talk to anyone, he is macho that way. I've tried to have brothers from the church call him. But he is polite and turns back there offers to go out to dinner and such. So I don't know what to do, but leave him alone.. Sorry for drifting..