Why you don't see men's stories in Dear Abby...

[kelownagirl]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

To begin, I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car around the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked up her cell phone just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,
Bob

[Bikingmomof3]

Good one.

[Kitsune06]

I don't get it. If it's leaking around the valve covers, he'd need Indian copper gasket cement for a cheap fix, but the best is to get OEM gaskets and lay them in, because they can stretch and get brittle with age. Is he running 'real' oil or synthetic? He needs to run synth because it's generally better on all the metal parts, though it'll end up 'cleaning' the inside and he'll have to replace the oil filter a little more often at fir--- ....
oh. oh! I get it! ...

[Xrayted]

Yeah, ok but what kind of engine is it? If it's a panhead, shovelhead, flathead or knucklehead, or anything AMC manufactured, they are supposed to leak. The Evolution and V-rods though have a great rep for not leaking. So, depending on what engine he's got, there's no problem. Just gotta put a drop cloth under to protect the patio.

oh. oh! I get it! ... *slaps forehead simultaneously with Kit*

[Kitsune06]

hahaha! I think you know more about those aluminium beasties than I do. All I know is SOHC-4 Hondas and the fact that British bikes tend to leak more... so you're now my MC Heroine.

If you're as cracked as you seem to be, can you bring us said much-needed illumination?

[Dogmama]

LMAO at the replies. You people are too funny!