how to deal with the death of a fellow cyclist

**silver** · 10-01-2006, 11:11 AM

I was a on a ride today and one of the men that I was riding with was hit by a car and killed. How do I process this? I'm in shock! help!

**Grog** · 10-01-2006, 11:16 AM

I don't have anything to say but I send you a big hug...

I hope you and your riding partners can get together to mourn...

Good luck. I have you, your friends, the cyclist who died and all his loved ones in my prayers...

**Triskeliongirl** · 10-01-2006, 11:21 AM

WOW. This is a tough one, but I'll take a crack. First of all, I don't know you, and I know nothing about what happened, how close you were to this person, etc., so I think what you need to do reach out to other real in the flesh people that are close to you, and ask for their help. Maybe others that were also on the ride or close to the cyclist that was killed. I imagine there are different emotions you need to deal with, the loss of a friend, the in your face reminder that our sport has its dangers, etc. While I have never experienced what you have, I have had my own bad cycling accident, as did my husband. We got over the fear of cycling again by learning from our accidents, and coming up with a set of rules for how we can continue. These are things like biking more defensively, not riding in rain or darkness, taking descents cautiosly, stuff like that. Regardless of who was 'at fault' in any situation, one can always learn from all accidents, and decide on a set of cycling behaviors that can at least reduce the risk. I am really sorry you are going through this, but I think you need to turn to the people that are truly close to you, and ask them to help you get through this.

**silver** · 10-01-2006, 11:40 AM

thank you so much. Actually, my husband did comfort me and he suggested that I get on my forums and reach out. I usually ride alone and this was an organized group ride. I don't really know other cyclists. I had been riding alone and these three men came up behind me and encouraged me to try to stay with them. We were chatting and they were pulling me along. We had all exchanged names and pleasantries. So I didn't know them well at all.

**Brandy** · 10-01-2006, 11:42 AM

Wow silver...I am so sorry. I can only imagine that it would be a difficult thing to deal with, even not knowing the man well.

My thoughts go out to his family and friends and I hope that you can process this.

**tprevost** · 10-01-2006, 12:15 PM

oh my goodness, what a terrible thing to have happen! I feel so terrible anytime something like this happens to anyone; let alone someone you were riding with.

I don't have any great wisdom for you but am sending thoughts and prayers to you and the cyclist's family.

Trac'

**silver** · 10-01-2006, 12:17 PM

Please be sure that your riding buddies have your SO's cell phone number and what hospital that your insurance prefers. Or have this info in or on your bike. We couldn't locate the wife and had to drive to the wife's parent's house to get her cell phone number.

**esther231** · 10-01-2006, 12:22 PM

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Just sending a hug to you. I'm keeping you and his family in my thoughts.

Heartbreaking.

**Triskeliongirl** · 10-01-2006, 12:22 PM

Hi Silver, maybe if you tell us more about what actually happened, that will help. Then we can all learn something from this unfortunate incident. Was this a club ride or event? What was the name of the group? How exactly did the accident happen? Even when out riding alone, its always good to leave a map of your planned route with someone, and of course one should always carry emergency contact info., insurance card, etc., although in a real emergency you are ideally brought to the best facility, trauma center, etc. to deal with your injuries. -e

**silver** · 10-01-2006, 12:41 PM

It was an event put on by the local bicycling group. It's a big annual event here. We were riding the 100k. It was a beautiful day, bright and sunny, (I guess it still is just a sad one now) We were about 40 miles into the ride. He had gone down a nice hill was probably going about 25 to 30. The car was travling in the opposite direction also down a hill. The accident happened in the valley. The car turned left into the rider. It appeared that he had his turn signal on. He said that he never saw the cyclist. It's possible that the sun was in his eyes. It appeared that this was close to the driver's home. His family was there pretty quick. He probably turns left onto this road all the time and maybe turned in pretty fast without carefully looking, but I'm just guessing, I didn't see it happen.

The car was a yellow jeep wrangler. There was no damage to the jeep except the windshield was smashed. It appears that he slid up the hood into the windshield and then was thrown to the ground. It did not appear that his injuries were going to be life threatening to me, but maybe your mind just doesn't want to believe. He was responsive at one point and said his chest hurt and his breathing was labored. I would guess that maybe his ribs were fractured and that maybe they punctured his heart and certainly his lungs.

He was wearing a helmet and a bright yellow jersey there should have been plenty of visibility.

**jobob** · 10-01-2006, 01:13 PM

I'm really sorry this happened to you, silver, and I hope you can get back on the bike and enjoy cycling again soon.

And thanks for the reminder to carry emergency contact information.

Your experience really brings home the fact that we should never assume that drivers can see us.

That's why I always wave at drivers at intersections to try to get some sort of acknowledgement that they see me, although granted that's really difficult to do going downhill at a high rate of speed.

**Bad JuJu** · 10-01-2006, 01:24 PM

Oh, I'm so sorry, for you, the rider, his family, your family, the whole group. It does sound like one of those things that happens when a motorist is too familiar with the route and just does things reflexively, but who really knows other than the driver himself. Makes me think about a fast descent I was doing yesterday and thinking about how I might be in trouble if I had to take evasive action at that speed. Cyclist or motorist--none of us can afford to get too complacent.

**BleeckerSt_Girl** · 10-01-2006, 02:19 PM

How truly awful.

Perhaps one way you and his cycling friends could do something positive from this terrible experience- you could perhaps present an essay or article to the local papers about motorist/bicycle safety and awareness? Perhaps combine it with a short biography of the cyclist with his photo. YOu could run this idea by his family and see if they agree. It might even save a life somehow one day, if lots of people read it.

**Python** · 10-01-2006, 02:32 PM

I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen

We are here for you. There are so many different emotions you and the other riders will go through once the initial shock starts to wear off.

Emotions like deep sorrow. Anger. Frustration at the unfairness of it all. The feeling of relief i.e. "it could have been me", then guilt that you are alive and the man you were out riding with is dead. So many different, and difficult, emotions to deal with.

It is all part of the healing process. I know. I've been there (different circumstances).

You are in my thoughts.

**Bikingmomof3** · 10-01-2006, 02:43 PM

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry. I do not have any words of wisdom here. (((((((Silver))))))))

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