The Safety Zone

[pooks]

I didn't know what to call this thread, so oh well.

Wearing my Jenny Ewing t-shirt today raised an issue that has come up quite a bit since I've been riding -- my safety. Or rather, my husband's concerns for my safety.

It boils down to this. He thinks the only place I'm "safe" is riding loops in the neighborhood, or if I go to a bike trail, riding with someone else (preferably him).

The bike route through our town goes past apartments that he feels are dangerous (because the cops get called there fairly frequently) so he doesn't think I should be riding in that direction. The biking/walking trail that is in riding distance has areas that are very dense with trees and it's easy to imagine somebody up to no good lurking, waiting for somebody to pounce on. I stopped walking there some time ago because it made me uneasy -- but lots of people still do. When we asked at the LBS if it was "safe" we were told "No!" but it turns out that they meant there was too much foot traffic and unpredictable behaviour from kids and dogs and such, so it's a pain for cyclists. When I asked about the other kind of "safe" they were kind of, "eh, well, I don't like my wife riding there alone but she does it anyway."

But wait. It gets worse.

So, I sometimes will ride to the shopping center (1/2 mile away) and even THAT freaks him out. Even though the parking lot is huge and it's easy to ride across a rear open area that gives great visibility to any cars, he still thinks it's dangerous to ride across there because I'll get hit by an idiot cutting across the parking lot too fast.

Let's see ... what other stuff is not safe? Well, probably anything I can think of that isn't riding in the nabe, doing loops. Ahem.

So please tell me I'm not the only one with a guy who is freaky about everything (and yes this is in character for him -- he's one of these guys who isn't comfortable unless he's around to make sure everything is "safe" and that means he'd be much happier flying if he could sit in the cockpit and watch what the pilots were doing -- when he wasn't hanging out the window figuring out which river/lake/city we're flying over, or checking out the tiny icebergs bobbing in the ocean.)

Of course, chasing tornados isn't dangerous at ALL, because HE knows what he's doing. LOL

Does anybody else deal with these kinds of issues? I pretty much do what I want to anyway, but sometimes I do find myself feeling uneasily like maybe I'm taking risks just to prove I can. (Yeah, I'm like that.)

[im4smiley]

My hubby is not quite that bad, but I did have to get a cell phone and I can never ever tell him how fast I have gone...like 43 mph down a hill...freaks him out way too much. He does prefer it when I ride with someone and he said he thought when I got my bike I would be riding on the bike trails! But I live in the country and there are just soo many other places to ride!

[pooks]

Well, I think as HE rides more he'll get more comfortable with the idea of my riding outside of his comfort zone. As it stands, I'm the one cycling most of the time and I'm always alone. He joins in on the weekends when he can, and really enjoys it, but we've had so many "family emergencies" recently he hasn't had the opportunities to ride at all.

And of course being in Dallas, the traffic is horrendous. It's not the most bike-friendly place in the world, sigh.

One thing I figured out in time though -- I'm not getting the GPS that the guy at REI recommended, that lets you go back and check on your computer and see the route/s you've taken. I'm not leaving evidence behind, heh.

[xeney]

Pooks, Jeremy pretty much never worries about me -- he thinks I am a big stupid fraidy cat, basically -- but he does worry about me on the bike. I am planning to ride to the store and to run some errands today while he is out on a long ride, and he thought that was a bad idea because he'd be out on the bike and wouldn't be able to come help me if I needed it. (I think that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, and I am going to the store.)

He also does not think I should ride on the trail alone although other women do it. I tend to agree with him there, because he has had someone try to mug him on his bike, and the police just did this really dumb thing where they put up vehicle barriers on either side of the bike/pedestrian bridge that is the site where homeless people are the most aggressive (it's where someone tried to mug Jeremy). The barriers are to keep cars off, but they leave only enough room for one bike at a time to go through, and they make a great hiding spot for someone with bad intentions, and they leave you with no escape route if someone were to jump you there. It is the dumbest thing I've ever seen and it makes me feel very unsafe. I have never seen a car on that bridge but I have seen people walking around carrying hammers and crowbars, stepping in front of bikes, and letting their off-leash pitbulls interfere with bikes.

Anyway. My point is that he is far more fearful about me on a bike than he about me on foot -- he thinks I am silly to worry about walking home from work in the dark, for instance. I don't know what it's about, maybe it's because he has been hit by a car when he was doing nothing wrong and following all the best safety advice. But the bottom line is, he is not the boss of me, and at some point I make my own (occasionally dumb) decisions.

[Trekhawk]

My husband is a bit of a worry wart but I just remind him that he is in no position to talk. He is a pilot both fixed wing and helo and rides a motorbike. He has also in the past tried rock climbing and sky diving. When we start discussing that he quickly says ok but you will be careful wont you.

[Bad JuJu]

Both my DH and my neighbor's DH are like yours in this matter, Pooks. But Ms. Neighbor and I are like the LBS guy's wife--we do it anyway--ride our bikes on the bike trail, ride on the road, etc. Because we have a death wish? Obviously not. But because we know that life is full of risks that we take every day--I mean, judging by the motor vehicle fatality stats, I'm surprised anyone ever gets in a car at all!

And my dh is no paragon of safety himself. But we're both adults and, within reason, decide for ourselves what individual risks we're willing to take. No chasing tornadoes, though.

[pooks]

I think we're all on the same page about making our choices and living with them. I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one who has to buck the system sometimes to do so.

I tend to be rather optimistic/oblivious/assume everybody is my friend in general, which drives him crazy. It should also be a reminder to me that if I do feel uneasy, I should by-God pay attention and steer clear. I often talk myself out of that.

Of course, I haven't had to deal with people carrying hammers and crowbars. Yikes.

Xeney, have you contacted the police about their stupidity? A councilperson, or something?

[pyxichick]

Pooks,

Is there somewhere nearby that is considered "safe" for cyclists that you could drive your bike to and ride there? I know there are usually certain streets that are bad and ones that are good for cyclists. Maybe you just live in a bad cycling area and need to ride elsewhere? Or find one safe route that you can ride to get to the better area?

It's pretty typical around here for people to drive to their cycling destination just so they can ride on good roads with wide shoulders or decent hills.

You could also carry mace or Halt! in case someone bugs you. I've never been threatened by a pedestrian, but I've heard from people who have, and it's usually teenagers.

I think being smart and aware is your best defense. And I fear cars way more than I fear other people on the path, but that doesn't stop me from riding on the road, because I have a right to be there, too.

Of course, when I leave the house, BF says "bye" and never asks where I'm going or how long I'll be gone. I wish I could trade you for a little protectiveness!

And it's true, you're much more at risk for injury by getting into a car...

Kate

[SouthernBelle]

It's nice that your SOs are concerned, but aren't you all adults? Can't you be trusted to make your own intelligent decisions?

Do they worry when you drive your car to the store? I don't have any statistics at hand, but I would hazard a guess that you are more likely to get car-jacked than bike-jacked. Are you allowed to leave your neighborhood when you are not on your bike?

[Crankin]

I live in an area with lots of cyclists, but it is a bit "countryfied" at points. I never worry about my safety. Sure bad things happen everywhere, but i really don't think about it. If i felt my safety was compromised, i wouldn't ride in that place. My husband never tells me where i should or shouldn't ride. He asks, of course, but I never go anyplace that would be considered dangerous. I do avoid a few what i consider to be dangerous or really scary traffic situations, which my husband doesn't care about (he is a fearless rider).
I don't, however, mountain bike alone, with one exception. There's a trail by my house that's about 5 miles round trip, with other little extensions. It's not too challenging so i will do an out and back mtb ride there. I figure if there's a problem, I can walk back to my car. I went once at another place, that has a lot of trails and i felt creepy being there alone, even though I have been there several times with my husband. Plus, I got lost and was freaked out. So, do whatever your comfort level dictates.

[CyclChyk]

Pooks - I'm just wondering how your hubby feels if you go shopping by yourself, say in a car and not on a bike, or if you go out of town without him or if you go out with the girls for drinks. Does he express the same kind of "worry" in these instances or is it just bike related?

[margo49]

I've said it be here on TE but here it is again for those of you who missed it
The only response to this is to say:
"Quick! Get the GPS! I think we've been beamed over to Teheran"
or "Did I see a Taliban flag waving over the Post Office?"
or "My hair is covered by my helmet. What more do you want?"

Like Southern Belle said.

I personally cannot believe any man would be *that* worried; but I will not say any more than that about the subject.

[HillSlugger]

It just doesn't seem right that he should be pushing HIS fears off onto YOU. It sounds like his fears are starting to make you fearful. That's just not right!