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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    MI
    Posts
    2,546

    Whining about work and dh (I'm probably PMSy)

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    Complaint 1:
    So I have a degree in Design and Marketing and 15 years experience, but am I allowed to use those skills in my job as Marketing Art Director . . . no, of course not. That would just be silly. Obviously the guy in Sales has much more knowledge about design than I could even hope to acquire. Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
    Another good design killed this morning

    Complaint 2:
    I am somewhat of a traditionalist and therefore, take on certain roles as wife and mom. However, I do also have a full-time job with an income that rivals DH. So, why is it that DH feels that he DESERVES to jump in his PJs the second he comes home from work, sit in his chair, and eat dinner/snack undisturbed until bedtime? If I ask him something or get too close he puts his hand in my face and says "space." He does work long hours and often doesn't get home 'til 8 PM. But, would it KILL HIM to wash a few dishes, pick up a few toys, sort a few bills, put away his stinky socks???????? I don't think I'd be so upset if he took on some the traditional male roles (taking out the garbage, mow the lawn, handywork, etc) but he doesn't!!!!! And, if I ask him to do one thing he acts as though I've asked him to sever an arm or something. I'm just the nagging wife. . . . .

    Of course, I'm perfect in every way

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Indianapolis, IN
    Posts
    739
    Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,548
    Quote Originally Posted by limewave
    Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
    Another good design killed this morning

    Complaint 2:e So, why is it that DH feels that he DESERVES to jump in his PJs the second he comes home from work, sit in his chair, and eat dinner/snack undisturbed until bedtime?
    What kind of design did you make? (we'd like to hear about it!)

    He can't do chores in his PJ's?

    (hire a maid?)

    you need to train him. if he EVER does even ONE of those things (like pick up a sock, put a dish in the dishwasher) PRAISE him!

    YOu should have a talk with him, but do NOT complain about his BS, simply
    shine it on and PRAISE him for the leettle tiny tiny things he does.

    good luck
    also married to a man who comes home and kisses me and gets on the computer and expects things to materialize (like dinner) a lot of the time.
    Not All of the time....
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Sunny California
    Posts
    1,107
    Quote Originally Posted by limewave
    If I ask him something or get too close he puts his hand in my face and says "space."
    Woah! This is not acceptable! How inconsiderate and rude! And what kind of example is this to the little cutie in your avatar?
    Bork Bork, Hork Hork!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Bendemonium
    Posts
    9,684
    He could put a hand in my face only two times . . . . Has he always done this or is it a new thing?
    Frends know gud humors when dey is hear it. ~ Da Crockydiles of ZZE.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    587
    Practice turning over the chair, and then turn the sucker over with him in it!!

    One hand in my face would have been a sign for me to get a lawyer!!!





    karen
    Quitting is NOT an option!
    Know the signs of stroke!! www.stroke.org

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    2,824
    Quote Originally Posted by limewave
    If I ask him something or get too close he puts his hand in my face and says "space."
    If my DH said that to me it would be the very last time he ever did it. The gesture and attitude shoes blatant disrespect.
    Jennifer

    “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
    -Mahatma Gandhi

    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."
    -Aristotle

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,548
    I can't imagine Dh doing that either, but maybe that's something they both do?

    remember, she has to live with the guy..
    Mimi Team TE BIANCHISTA
    for six tanks of gas you could have bought a bike.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    467
    WTF? Sorry but you aren't PMS'ing honey. That is wayyyyy out of line in my book.

    If I'm going to live with someone, they best participate in chores and things be equal. What you have in your pants doesn't make a hill of beans difference. Dishes are dishes, garbage is garbage, cleaning a tub is just that - he won't be any less of a man for doing it.

    This probably explains one of the reasons I'm perpetually single. Nonetheless, I'm not going to be someone's mom/maid for the sole sake of having company.

    But of course you are perfect, we knew that silly

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    123
    I'm getting entirely different picture from what you are saying.

    Sounds like both of you are under a ton of stress. (two jobs - long hours - your avatar says you have young kids) Your DH sounds depressed to me more than anything. And you sound like you need a break.

    You can't fix him. He's gotta do that himself.

    But you can fix you. Take the break. Take a day or two off of work to just do stuff you like. Take a night or a Saturday off from the house with a friend who makes you laugh.

    Then see how it looks.

    One thing is for sure, if you try to fix this stuff when you are already angry about it, you probably do more damage than good. If you try to fix it when you're a good space, it's alittle easier to work on.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Riding my Luna & Rivendell in the Hudson Valley, NY
    Posts
    8,409
    It seems to me that things are not reasonable at all in this situation.
    I think you need to talk seriously- preferably with a third party present who has professional experience with mediating and working through couples' problems together.
    Lisa
    Our bikes...OurBikes...and my mountain dulcimer blog
    Ruby's Website and My blog
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Chi-town
    Posts
    3,265
    ...and you're training for your first marathon? Does he support you in that? It might be a way to open the conversation.
    Run like a dachshund! Ride like a superhero! Swim like a three-legged cat!
    TE Bianchi Girls Rock

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    MI
    Posts
    2,546
    Lise, we are actually training for the marathon together. And he is very supportive as far as that goes.

    I think he grew up where his mom did everything. I have to say on his behalf that about once every six weeks he gets a bug up his butt and he cleans, cleans, cleans--its ridiculous. But then the next day its a mess again because he doesn't know how to pick up after himself.

    Thanks for listening girls. I really needed to get that out of my system. I'm taking the afternoon off tomorrow for a massage and vegging. I can't wait. I'm planning to have a chat with DH the next time we have a weekend together--when we are away from home and from work and everything stressful so that we can look at things rationally.

    Thanks again!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Boise, Idaho
    Posts
    1,104
    Once, I was traveling. I came home to a very proud of himself DH. While I was gone, he needed some clean laundry, and had to move it down to the laundry room.

    He bought himself a laundry basket to carry it all down.

    He said, when I got home, "see? and when it's full, I take it down to the laundry room and put all the clothes in the sorting baskets..."

    I waited and waited, and the basket got heaped higher and higher....

    Sometimes, I took stuff that wasn't in the basket down to the laundry room, and washed that stuff, but I waited and waited....

    Well, he SAID "I take it down" right?

    Karen in Boise

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    San Jose, CA
    Posts
    1,485
    Quote Originally Posted by Kano
    Once, I was traveling. I came home to a very proud of himself DH. While I was gone, he needed some clean laundry, and had to move it down to the laundry room.

    He bought himself a laundry basket to carry it all down.

    He said, when I got home, "see? and when it's full, I take it down to the laundry room and put all the clothes in the sorting baskets..."

    I waited and waited, and the basket got heaped higher and higher....

    Sometimes, I took stuff that wasn't in the basket down to the laundry room, and washed that stuff, but I waited and waited....

    Well, he SAID "I take it down" right?

    Karen in Boise
    So I'm dying to know where it is now and if it's full or not!
    fides quaerens intellectum (faith seeking understanding) - St. Anselm of Canterbury

 

 

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