Bicycle dates

[Yasmin]

Thanks Mickchic...I guess we both got married late in life & are both stuck in our ways. Thanks for sharing your story, it's helpful to know how others deal with/look at things.

[Yasmin]

Yasmin,

If we have time while driving to melbourne we may make a stop in Adelaide. We're leaving Perth on the 21st-(kalgoorlie overnight) & then taking it from there..would be cool to "talk"

c

That sounds good. As far as I know we should be in Adelaide over Christmas, although Steve's (DH) dad's health has been very bad & we might need to do a quick dash to Sydney. But so far, so good. I've just worked out how to send private emails, so hopefully it worked.

[Irulan]

Marriage is hard work. I've been married for 17 years (to the same guy), and we've had our share of ups and downs. We get on each other's nerves at times, but when all is said and done, we know we're there for each other. Yas, my husband is very dedicated to his job and some of his assignments have required him to work long hours, including weekends. There have been many times when I felt like I was low on his list of priorities. I guess you just have to have faith that although your husband's work is very important to him and takes a lot of his time, he loves you. It sounds like your marriage means a lot to both of you, so it almost certainly will be worth working on/making compromises/sticking it out. It is hard but in my experience, worth it. Try to have faith and have reasonable expectation. I've come to the realization that I won't change my husband, so I decided to accept it and be responsible for making sure I was content. In other words, I do my own thing when he's at work or brooding about work, etc. Sounds like you are finding ways to enjoy yourself, too (cycling). You can have a decent marriage and still have your own life/interests. There are things that, for me, are relationship breakers---infidelity, abuse, bad habits (drinking, drugs, gambling, etc), controlling---and I know I was lucky to find a guy whose bad points (dedication to work & obsession with U of MD football) are minor in the grand scheme of things. He's loyal, he loves me, he's got good character & ethics, and he lets me buy bikes! Believe me, after a few more years of being married, you'll savor your "private time" when he's off at work!! There are Saturdays when I say "don't you have to go into the office?" haha

Really good post. To sum it up, we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. We can adjust our attitude and reactions; we don't have to be a slave to reacting to what someone else does. We can take action to ensure that our needs are being met.

[Yasmin]

All your posts have been insightful, intellegent & caring. Your comments & feed-back have helped me a lot & I really appreciate that. It's not often that we can really be ourselves, but on this forum that's allowed. There's something special about the way women share feelings. Geez I'm glad I'm female. I think the guys really miss out by not having the same freedom to share feelings like we do. They're human too & I know they hurt inside just as bad sometimes. I feel lucky that I can share in this way. Thanks again.

Irulan & Suzanne...I can tell from your posts that you're both lovely people & I admire the way you seem to deal with life & it's issues. Go girls, all power to you!

[sandra b]

I met my honey online, and our first date was a bike ride, then dinner afterward. Almost a year later (just last week), he just proposed, after a bike ride, and dinner at the same resturant. He does Triathalons, I don't run, but we ride together a lot.

We both agree that riding is important to us, and it is important to us to have a partner who "gets it".

On our second date I asked him for his view on politics, religion and a woman's right to choose. Since we were compatible in these areas and bikes, I thought he was perhaps a keeper.

Just last night he told me he could see through the shorts I was wearing, and that I had them on for our first date as well....

[mimitabby]

Saturday we rode 100 miles together. We ride a tandem and have been married 28 years, 2.5 years with the tandem.
Some of you might remember that the weekend before we'd had a real stressful ride which included pointless interchanges like "if you don't like it, you get up here and be the captain"

So I was rather filled with anxiety when we drove out to Wenatchee the night before. we bickered a bit, but nothing serious.

The day of the ride we were both up early, fairly refreshed. the sky was blue (rather cheering after 2 weeks of Seattle rain)
we got dressed, ate, got on the bike and started the ride. The wind was very mild, it was a little chilly, which is to be expected at 7am. We started down the trail, the gentle morning sun on our right, and joked as several other early birds passed us. After about 10 miles on a highway (with very little traffic because it was saturday morning) we turned off on a mountain road and for the next 7 hours we just cruised up and then down this mountain road.
It was gorgeous. We could hear the birds, the rushing full river; and we could smell locust trees and sagebrush.
We pulled into the rest stops (25, 50, 75 and 85 miles) without problems, ate great food (including washington apples!) We got along great. no hassles,
no quarrels; smooth pedalling, stopping (except for when we mired in the gravel on the side of the road and fell over!)
It was just about the most romantic date i could imagine!
we got back to the park, where we basked in the glory of having ridden
100 miles in one day and both of us were still able to walk, in fact, we felt pretty good.
The sons of Italy catered the dinner, and the food was absolutely delicious.
After we got done there, we showered and took a leisurely walk in the comfy hour of dusk (not hot, not cold) because he wanted an icecream (I got a small orange sherbet)
pretty nice date huh.

I came in late for all the marital advice stuff; i will start listening now.

[colby]

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

My husband isn't a hugely athletic guy, but I have tried to keep him involved in my activities so he doesn't feel left out. I had him try snowboarding with me, which worked for a while, but it just wasn't his thing. He stayed supportive, though, and became my "ski caddy" He's done the same thing with running. Not a big runner, but comes to events that I do and gives me support. I can't see him doing a triathlon, but he's there with me at least.

Bikes are something we can do together; even if he doesn't have the same amount of endurance right now he is willing to go for a ride with me on weekends, and I compromise about distances and where we go depending on conditions. A lot of times I'll let him stop for a rest and go pedal another extra few miles hard, loop back around and enjoy our time together on the return trip.

He enjoys things that I don't invest my time in, like video games and some other non-athletic stuff, but I make a point to "be there" for his adventures just like he is there for mine, listening to him talk and being an active member of discussions with him so we can always find common ground. Sometimes our different priorities might be a point of contention, but I try to focus on not sweating the small stuff and compromising. If it's not worth arguing about, don't.

I also have found having other people around that I can do things with helps take a little bit of the pressure off of him to not feel like he has to do everything with me, and makes me not bug him so much to go do things with me all the time It also helps when we both schedule something at the same time, so we don't feel left out of each others' activities. Honestly, if we weren't smart about how we did it, I would be really lonely. I really like to do things *with* someone, so it's hard for me to enjoy something by myself all the time.

I've never heard of a bike date. When I was dating (college) it might not have been something I considered, but if I was in that position now I think it'd be fun. My dad would probably kick me if I suggested he try it, but then we're not in a hugely densely populated area so it might be harder to find. I also like the bike club suggestion -- just like any other club or group, you can enjoy other peoples' company and use that as an opportunity to do the first round of voting potential candidates off the podium