making drastic changes in life

[shootingstar]

Pax's situation of her health vs. a new place/climate made me reflect on personal choices why people move to different places far from where they lived for many years/grew up.

In my own social circle of long standing friends over past few decades , I've been the one that has relocated the furthest and several times several thousand km. away from where I spent childhood and university years. I've never lived overseas outside of Canada. And don't have a need now or in future. So probably sound like a homebody Canadian. I am not certain having family who immigrated from Asia, has given me an extra dose of reality through their eyes on what Canada offers vs. other areas of the world where there are more profound gaps between rich and poor, infrastructure and social service support, etc.

Friends have relocated several times to cities approx. 100-350 km. away from where they started in childhood. A learning thing in the end, for a person even if experience was not great.

Choosing a totally different geographic region for purposes of job is a different "lens" on adjustment and only slightly mitigated by the reality of earning money vs. being in a less personal desirable choice location.

[Pax]

I've lived my entire life on the move, so I don't find it unusual. Grew up in a military family and attended 14 schools before high school. As an adult I've moved dozens of times, some in town, some across the country. I love being new places and experiencing new things, this most recent move was to get out of the cold and have a home base for travel. I think itch feet are just part of my DNA.

My brother, born and raised the exact same as me has done a 180 from this, he has spent his entire adult life entrenching himself so he never has to face new people or situations except on the occasional vacation.

[Helene2013]

I, too, moved so much when I was up to 18 (going through different schools in same year) that I don't care much where I live, as long as I'm happy. My plan in 2-4 years is to become more of a nomad and do the motorhome life until I get bored of it. As for hubby, he never moved from day 1...until he moved in with me. And talking about changes is oh...so hard. He's more rooted than I am for sure. He knew when we met that one day I'd be on the go again. It is a either follow me...or I go by myself. Limited options but have some. I stood by him for 30 years now because of his parents (now both deceased - mine are too), and his job. But once retired in the next few years...it will be on my ground! I have nothing but our jobs keeping us here. So once the jobs are over and done with...rock my world!

I've been talking to him for years now as I have to get him "ready" for this move at retirement. Once he owns something, no matter what, it is hard to let go. Just to get him to sort out his stuff is something. Baby steps...true baby steps! I don't accumulate and don't get attached to anything. I'm here today, have that today, but who cares for tomorrow. Just sell and move on.

It will be interesting to see how we will be dealing with this. He agrees to it. But the future (not knowing where he will be at "x" date) scares him, destabilizes him. Me. Nah. They have stores, food, and hospital anywhere I plan to go. That is good enough for me.

[ny biker]

I, too, moved so much when I was up to 18 (going through different schools in same year) that I don't care much where I live, as long as I'm happy. My plan in 2-4 years is to become more of a nomad and do the motorhome life until I get bored of it. As for hubby, he never moved from day 1...until he moved in with me. And talking about changes is oh...so hard. He's more rooted than I am for sure. He knew when we met that one day I'd be on the go again. It is a either follow me...or I go by myself. Limited options but have some. I stood by him for 30 years now because of his parents (now both deceased - mine are too), and his job. But once retired in the next few years...it will be on my ground! I have nothing but our jobs keeping us here. So once the jobs are over and done with...rock my world!

I've been talking to him for years now as I have to get him "ready" for this move at retirement. Once he owns something, no matter what, it is hard to let go. Just to get him to sort out his stuff is something. Baby steps...true baby steps! I don't accumulate and don't get attached to anything. I'm here today, have that today, but who cares for tomorrow. Just sell and move on.

It will be interesting to see how we will be dealing with this. He agrees to it. But the future (not knowing where he will be at "x" date scares him, destabilizes him). Me. Nah. They have stores, food, and hospital anywhere I plan to go. That is good enough for me.

I am not unlike your husband in this regard. Not so much afraid but heavily dependant on routine. Breaking my routine causes way too much stress for me. So it's something I need to prepare for -- when it is forced on me unexpectedly I don't deal well at all.

[Helene2013]

That is exactly him. If a routine is changed (and God I can be good at that ALL the time!) he is totally taken off guard and it can get messy. hihi He just does not understand how I can be like I am. He wished he could be like me (not a care in the world for stuff like that). He says this is what he loves about me: never a boring or dull moment. When I'm "quiet" is when I'm sick. I can change his weekend plan 2-3 times. So imagine if he had something in-line (like some house chores to do) and I tell him that I have this "brilliant" idea...and he has to shuffle stuff around...fun fun fun. haha In the end, he said my move was a better one. Sure... after all those discussions. You should have listened to me first. hihi

Rarely something important worries me (even losing a job, or needing to turn around quickly for something urgent, etc). Him....the end of the world just landed over his head!

[Pax]

NY, my wife is exactly the same. With this asthma thing I'd rather retire early and hit the road, travel to find a better place. That is WAY too much upheaval for her and it's stresses her unbelievably to even consider it. So if we have to go, it will be back to the hometown until she settles in and preps to retire, then I could very slowly introduce any possible change.

[ny biker]

I have a friend who also grew up in a military family and moved a lot when he was growing up. He does love to travel and is adventurous but since moving to the DC area in high school he has put down roots here and remains here decades later even though his family has all moved farther south. He once told me that the closest thing he had to a childhood home was his grandparents' house. On the other hand, I grew up in the house that my father has lived in since he was 12. He's still living there at 80 years old. I was eager to move away for college, moved again for grad school and later moved to the DC area because I felt I needed a change in environment. But that was 19 years ago -- right now I have no desire to uproot again. If I do move to another part of the country at some point it will be so I can be closer to family.

One reason I don't want to move is that it took a long time for me to feel settled here with a good community of friends. I just don't want to have to start over. However I wouldn't mind setting up a second home someplace with warmer winters -- if only I had the money.

I had a neighbor here who moved to Mississippi a few years back to be closer to family. He didn't want to move, but was a single retiree who felt he would need to live near his family as he got older and would be less able to live independently due to possible health problems.

[Catrin]

I can't imagine what it would be like to NOT be alone, I've lived alone now for over 20 years.

Good question Pax, for me and my tendency to over think (though I do generally make big decisions quickly, it's the little ones that take time), living alone does make it...challenging sometimes to set aside obsessive thinking patterns when I go there. Thankfully I've learned how to recognize the signs and have developed ways to deal with it. I admit wondering if it would be easier to stop it if someone was around to distract me. Or not

[Pax]

Interesting, Catrin. My honey is more like you, she was a bit obsessive about decisions when we first got together, she had to weigh and consider and ponder. I, on the other hand, review, decide, act, almost instantly. It was very disconcerting for us both initially, we've adjusted to each others ways over time and that's helped immensely.

[Catrin]

Interesting, Catrin. My honey is more like you, she was a bit obsessive about decisions when we first got together, she had to weigh and consider and ponder. I, on the other hand, review, decide, act, almost instantly. It was very disconcerting for us both initially, we've adjusted to each others ways over time and that's helped immensely.

I do both - it depends on what it is. The bigger the decision, the less time I consider/ponder. The opposite of what one might assume