...right out of your hair!

[allabouteva]

Wow, I've just read this thread... This is just the best community there is! The collective wisdom, support and genuine friendship is very moving.

KSH, I agree with you marriage is a strange thing isn't it? It can be heaven or it can be hell. And really for most of us, when we get married, who's to say whose marriage will work and whose won't? I was lucky I got married awfully young (21) and now I've been married exactly half my life to my DH. I remember thinking I knew I loved him as he used to be my best buddy, but was I "IN LOVE" with him? I wasn't definitely sure when I married him that the chemistry was 'perfect'. We've had our ups and downs like all couples, but I know that cycling has definitely brought us together and we're much closer now then we were precycling.

Trek420, you're dead right! And heck yes! A better bike is def. a big point scorer in my book! Your ex sounds like a big L loser, because you've showed her.

And Lise, you're doing something you love, look and feel ten times better for it, so it's all good! You GO girl!!

[KnottedYet]

Salt-and-pepper hair is so sexy! What a waste to dye it brown!

(anyone who'd be ashamed to be seen with someone because of their hair color is likely also functioning on the turnip-brain level) (maybe they deserve eachother?)

[Trek420]

Yeah, it's a shame.

I dunno, I wish them luck, really do. It's just I've never found the "you're wonderful, you're perfect, now CHANGE!" theory in relationships to work.

But what do I know about relationships having failed this one?

It looked to me like she's doing an extreme makeover. New style is one thing but I was hearing a lot of "she doesn't want me to wear ___ anymore, thinks I look too __ ...".

You know the saying "you can always tell a Marine, you can't tell them much"? That's my ex.

Stubborn.

It's amusing as heck watching her jump through hoops.

But she's getting excercise that way =^..^=

[allabouteva]

Yeah, it's a shame.

I dunno, I wish them luck, really do. It's just I've never found the "you're wonderful, you're perfect, now CHANGE!" theory in relationships to work.

But what do I know about relationships having failed this one?

It looked to me like she's doing an extreme makeover. New style is one thing but I was hearing a lot of "she doesn't want me to wear ___ anymore, thinks I look too __ ...".

You know the saying "you can always tell a Marine, you can't tell them much"? That's my ex.

Stubborn.

It's amusing as heck watching her jump through hoops.

But she's getting excercise that way =^..^=

Sounds like she's a bit desperate and trying a bit too hard? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.

[Trek420]

Well, I do wish 'em well. Historicly I've stayed friends with my long term relationships but I don't think so this time. I know that sounds like there's whole bunches of 'em but nooo. K & her partner live on an island in the San Juans now together for almost 30 years, we keep in touch, they seem fine. Hmmm, road trip! L married S in San Francisco on Valentines day, they have been together for almost 20 years. We try to meet up for a Giants game or 2 a year. But then we've always been able to talk, couldn't live together, couldn't be together, but we sure can communicate.

Not so with this last one. But at least...she got me back into cycling. Now, if she wants to sell me her bike we could talk. Because I think Chris could put me on a 50 cm and then...2 Mondonicos ;-) And she's sure not riding it.

I think what allabouteva says about marriage "It can be heaven or it can be hell." may apply to all long term relationships. And you're sure right about "The collective wisdom, support and genuine friendship" of this board.

But enough musing, off to walk the dog.

[MomOnBike]

And Trek, don't be concerned about being a tad shallow around the edges. Even the ocean is shallow around the edges.

You're cool.

...and you still have the better bike.

[Geonz]

One of my regular walk-in tutees said to me one day words I have treasured ever since. Musing on her own complicated relationship, which I suspect she'd gotten into for "Im supposed to have a relationship" reasons, she said that she admired me because "you've got a house, friends who treat you like family, you've got your cycling, your church, you sing, you have a job you like, and you can wear funny socks and laugh at yourself."

[fixedgeargirl]

And Trek, don't be concerned about being a tad shallow around the edges. Even the ocean is shallow around the edges.

Golden! I love it ! My relationship with stbx has really been over for years, trying to hold it together for the kid. I checked out emotionally a long time ago, I've done the grieving for the connection we once had and have spent a lot of time musing about what a healthy-for-me relationship will look like. I tend to recoil from some of my more shallow *requirements* , like it's shameful to desire those things. I remind myself that it's important to be honest with myself, judgements be damned. Aim for the stars, accept the moon, or something like that .

I, too, went into this relationship with that, "look, I'm good enough to be with HIM!" attitude. Oh, how done I am with that line of thinking! This is only the second relationship I've had my entire life, but I've learned a lifetime of lessons about myself and what is good for me. This thread has been great validation and inspiration for me as I set forth on the next leg of my journey.

You ladies rock!!!!!!!!!!

[KnottedYet]

Trek420: if you do a road trip to the San Juans, make SURE you look up the rest of us while you're here!

[Trek420]

will do! I'm in process of interviewing a dog sitter suitable for Mae so in the next year or so....road trips!