Haven't ridden for 3 days because of a very scary man

[Tuckervill]

Everyone's saying avoid him, but I don't have enough information to say that. I mean, no one has actually gone to his house and talked to him and expected him to be pleasant and conversational, have they?

I'm not saying invite him over for tea or anything. But I am saying, what's wrong with taking your husband by and being friendly and asking his name and stuff like that? Asking him not to follow you? Saying hi when you pass him?

He's not on the sex-offender registry, and that doesn't automatically make him an innocent bystander, but can't you allow a little room for better understanding? I'd be happier knowing I did everything I could, including trying to make this man at least an acquaintance, before I did anything radical like moving elsewhere. Sure, he's probably crazy, but I'd have to find out for sure, for myself.

Karen

[shootingstar]

Kenyon, your advice as a police officer re: civilian use of guns is appreciated.

[Skierchickie]

StaceySue,

How scary! I have to go with the majority here, and encourage you to find a route that feels safe. Whether you need to watch over your shoulder or not, you shouldn't have to wonder. Give yourself some peace of mind.

Definitely go and talk to the police. They need to know about this guy. If you feel threatened, they really need to know.

The thought of carrying a gun sounds scary to me - what if you crashed? Could you really pull it out fast enough to do any good? So many "what ifs". Even if you just point it at him, or even just show him that you have it - you don't know how he might react to that. I wouldn't confront this guy. I agree with Karen's suggestion to go over (with your DH - absolutely NOT alone) and meet him, ask him politely to not follow you, and try to be nice (but not so friendly that he thinks he can come over & visit). I wouldn't call the cops on the guy at this point without first asking him to stop, giving him that chance (although he had plenty of chances to not try to intimidate you, already). After that, if things don't improve - definitely. Neighbors can be tough to deal with - I would try to be amiable before doing anything that might set him off. Like lph said - make yourself less interesting. Less interesting and less accessible.

Stay safe out there.

[channlluv]

I agree with KenyonChris. I asked a police detective friend about getting a gun to carry in my car when DD and I went on our cross-country drive last summer, and he literally grimaced and said, "People like you are more likely to shoot themselves than someone trying to hurt you. Go get on of those girly tasers if you want a defensive weapon."

And by that, he meant a pink one, not the black one he keeps on his desk to intimidate students.

I think a taser is a good idea.

And I'd be scared, too.

Roxy

[KnottedYet]

If a man seems scary to you, or gives you a case of the creeps, or just plain sets off your instincts: GET AWAY RIGHT NOW!! NO BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! NO "MAYBE HE'S NICE AND I'M MISJUDGING."

Talk to the police. Stay away from the scary man.

PM me if you want to.

[NbyNW]

+1 on avoiding any further encounters with the scary man. It sucks that you have to change your route, but the potential for this to escalate into something ugly is simply not worth it.

One other thing to add to the excellent advice that others have posted -- if you haven't already done so, it might help you feel more prepared to deal with a potential conflict if you were to take a self-defense course, especially one that addresses how women are approached/attacked. Ask the police officers when you talk to them, if any of them teaches self-defense, or if there is a community college near you that offers these courses.

I took an excellent course when I was in grad school a few years ago -- they talked about avoiding potential conflict/danger; asserting yourself as a means of warning someone who might be bothering you that you are not "easy prey"; breaking different kinds of holds; basic punching and that it's good to practice not broadcasting your punches. And we got plenty of scenario/role playing practice at all of this throughout the course.

Hopefully you never have to "use" any of this stuff; but in my experience, it's helped me to stay calm in a crisis and know that if someone came after me I would know how to handle it.

[MommyBird]

Do not wait for another event. Tell your local law enforcement agency now.

Do not go to his home, with or without your husband.
He wants to control you and showing him how nice you are will not change his mind.

Talk to your neighbors about their experiences with this guy. See if he is intimidating others or just stalking you.

Change your riding venue.
When I remove my front tire I find I get better leverage if I stand in front of the handlebars. I hold the bike up by pinching the front tire between my knees. Once I flip down the lever, I move behind the handlebars and bend over them to finish loosening. I can't even budge the quick release if I approach it from behind the bars. This works 100% even if my hubby was the one who last put the tire on.
I have a VW GTI hot hatch and my bike fits great.

[salsabike]

If a man seems scary to you, or gives you a case of the creeps, or just plain sets off your instincts: GET AWAY RIGHT NOW!! NO BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! NO "MAYBE HE'S NICE AND I'M MISJUDGING."

Talk to the police. Stay away from the scary man.

Yup. We've had this conversation on here before. Gavin DeBecker, The Gift of Fear, trust your instincts.

[Trek420]

breaking different kinds of holds; basic punching and that it's good to practice not broadcasting your punches. And we got plenty of scenario/role playing practice at all of this throughout the course.

Out of shape out of practice Nidan (2nd degree black belt in Aikido) chimes in.

Yes, if it will help you to feel confident do take a self defense course. Good courses last 1-3 days.

Situational self defense does .... not .... work. Plenty of role playing practice? Ok

let's do a basic chokehold shall we?

Now from the rear
Again, 'cept now I'm grabbing your wrist
In motion, starts from in front and grab from behind.
grabs your wrist from the rear and instead of a chokehold there's a knife knife at the rear of your neck I've still got the arm
both hands now
back to the chokehold but it's a bar across the arm (there's quite a few ways to knock you out; one way you can breath but you'll pass out if you don't move fast, the other one you can't breath but if you'd just move the opposite way that your logic tells you) so we'll do all those including ....
with the lapel, not my arm ...
Front choke holds ....

martial arts is not a sport it's an addiction There are infinite variations even grabbing a person with one hand. Say you get one technique sorta kinda right it's different with everyone, shorter, taller, stronger, more flexible .....

It's an art, it's part of my eclectic spiritual practice. I just hope and pray that I never ever have to use it again

If (hopefully not when) you need to use it there will not be a post-it telling you what to do. Your body must react from a primordial memory. That takes years of practice. You can not think. You must MOVE.

Move move move make noise move move move move move.

And never ever ever go to another location. I'd die trying to stay right there.

Training since about 1979 and every class I take my goal is maybe just maybe get one technique right ONCE. And speaking of training in Aikido we do a fair amount of knife defense, but every once in a while my teacher has someone attack with a live blade. It's training, in a class, but my eyes get big, this is intense. One missed response and I'll be cleaning blood off the mat, my blood for a while. If you think a few grabs, a couple releases in a class will work I am sad to tell you that is wrong. If you think in the fear, immediacy of a "real" situation maybe with a weapon or multiple attackers that you will react promptly and correctly from a few classes you may be dead wrong.

Situational self defense does not work. It's awesome crosstraining for cycling but not good self defense.

This works

http://www.impactbayarea.org

Find a class that teaches conflict avoidance and diffusion. The best self defense of all is to just not be in the fight in the first place. The fight that does not happen is the one you win.

And then if you can't avoid or diffuse the situation just artless, techniqueless mayhem brutality and utter destruction. In all my years of study I was amazed. There's little art to it, it's not pretty, it's not beautiful just hit them where it hurts and never stop until they are no longer a threat to you and you can take that any way you want.

Most real fights will start or end on the floor. Situational self defense will not work from there.

As for my training it's an art I hope to never use again. even in beautifully falling off the bike which it's helped a couple of times

This sounds a little discouraging so let me just end by saying I feel strongly that the best self defense is what we all do already. Get out there, look strong because we are strong, look fearless because we are fearless. Sure, bring a cell phone, trust your gut but by just being out there looking fabulous and strong that is truly the best self defense there is.

[owlice]

Definitely ride someplace else for a while. Get a bike rack if that's what's needed to transport your bike.

If this happened to me, I'd do the following -- aside from riding elsewhere, which is my first choice -- but I can't say I'm recommending this, because I am not you. I'm big and formidable, don't put up with much, and go to angry when I'm scared, which is why I'll probably be found in a ditch someday, and that's why I'm not recommending this, but I'd:

• carry a cell phone, air horn, and camera with me
• make a call -- or make it look as though I'm making a call -- every time this guy started to follow me once he was close enough to see me using the phone
• take a picture -- or make it look as though I'm taking a picture -- of him following me
• if he didn't back off when he saw me making the first call, I'd call again, and this time, really call someone, whether husband, son, friend, police, nearest neighbor

But really, ride somewhere else, and avoid this guy. Do not go to his house. Someone who is entertained or amused by scaring someone else (outside of a prankish "boo!" when someone is coming around a corner) is dangerous.

[krisl6]

I was also going to suggest a bike rack. That way you don't have to deal with taking the wheel off and putting it back on. I have one and it's so easy and convenient. Not to mention the inside of your car stays a lot cleaner. Good luck with finding a solution to dealing with this guy!

[Selkie]

Please do re-read Kenyonchris' post about carrying a gun. She is a police officer, and I really respect her experience.

Agree 100%.

Echo the advice of steering clear of him, not engaging him, and trusting your instincts.

[Trek420]

+1 what owlice says. 'cept the big and formidable thing. I'm 53 years old, nearsighted, a little chubby, 5' nuthin, not intimidating in the least, slow to anger ....

Vary the route. Besides safety concerns of "she always rides here at 6am on Sunday" but it's fun to vary the route. It's good for training (or so I hear since I'm out of shape ) and keeps everyone guessing

Carry a cell phone at all times, keep it charged of course. If something feel odd make it a real call not a fake. Keep your eyes on the situation as you dial but call. I'd rather call to give my location and the situation and risk it being nothing really than not call.

Remember if you call 911 from a cell in most areas you reach highway patrol who has no clue where you are. If your dearie calls from home they have his location nearby at least. Its good idea for all of us to program the POTS (plain o' telephone service) number to police/highway patrol/medical into the cell of where we live, commute, ride. Not just situations like this one but you never know when another rider will need emergency help.

I think it was Velogirl on this board who a long time back wrote of being on a training ride way out in the wilds of the Bay Area (you'd be surprised how remote it can be/feel within sight of the the busy city) when a group ride came upon a rider down. Although everyone had cell phones between trying to direct Hwy patrol to the remote area and trying to get the nearest local number for medical it took and agonizing time to get help.

Whatever the emergency situation have that number programmed in even at home. It's rare but the 911 system can go down.

But anyway I'd avoid the nutzo neighbor.

[NbyNW]

Move move move make noise move move move move move.

Pretty much what I did the time I found a burglar in my house. And then I got to a phone and called 911.

Trek420, I agree with everything you said. I've done only some martial arts and want to do more, can appreciate the art & technique vs. the reality of a serious threat. Your experiences speak very well to this point and I could not have said it better.

[Tuckervill]

ah sheesh. I'm just surprised that the fearful reaction is so extreme and final. There are so many many possibilities here, and I'm open to them all. I'm not going to automatically assume that the most likely thing is that he's going to attack. If he wanted to, he could have, many tmes already. Why didn't he? There is probably a reason besides "yet".

She LIVES down the street from this guy. Having a (safe distance) conversation with him and learning his NAME is not outside the realm of reasonable possibilities. "what if what if what if" What if simply speaking to him was like sticking a pin in his little scary balloon and he never bothered her again? That is JUST as likely (in fact more likely, since the incident of attack is far less common than simple every day interactions between strangers) as any of the scenarios that are being imagined, because no one HERE knows enough to make the judgment.

Again and again in my life I have befriended or at least neutralized difficult people; come to terms with their craziness or unpredictability or eccentricities or just creepiness; just by acknowledging their humanity, and TRUSTING MY INSTINCTS.

I'm just saying that she has not done everything I would do before I took drastic, final action. My instincts have spoken.

Karen