Haven't ridden for 3 days because of a very scary man

[KnottedYet]

If a man seems scary to you, or gives you a case of the creeps, or just plain sets off your instincts: GET AWAY RIGHT NOW!! NO BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! NO "MAYBE HE'S NICE AND I'M MISJUDGING."

Talk to the police. Stay away from the scary man.

PM me if you want to.

[NbyNW]

+1 on avoiding any further encounters with the scary man. It sucks that you have to change your route, but the potential for this to escalate into something ugly is simply not worth it.

One other thing to add to the excellent advice that others have posted -- if you haven't already done so, it might help you feel more prepared to deal with a potential conflict if you were to take a self-defense course, especially one that addresses how women are approached/attacked. Ask the police officers when you talk to them, if any of them teaches self-defense, or if there is a community college near you that offers these courses.

I took an excellent course when I was in grad school a few years ago -- they talked about avoiding potential conflict/danger; asserting yourself as a means of warning someone who might be bothering you that you are not "easy prey"; breaking different kinds of holds; basic punching and that it's good to practice not broadcasting your punches. And we got plenty of scenario/role playing practice at all of this throughout the course.

Hopefully you never have to "use" any of this stuff; but in my experience, it's helped me to stay calm in a crisis and know that if someone came after me I would know how to handle it.

[Trek420]

breaking different kinds of holds; basic punching and that it's good to practice not broadcasting your punches. And we got plenty of scenario/role playing practice at all of this throughout the course.

Out of shape out of practice Nidan (2nd degree black belt in Aikido) chimes in.

Yes, if it will help you to feel confident do take a self defense course. Good courses last 1-3 days.

Situational self defense does .... not .... work. Plenty of role playing practice? Ok

let's do a basic chokehold shall we?

Now from the rear
Again, 'cept now I'm grabbing your wrist
In motion, starts from in front and grab from behind.
grabs your wrist from the rear and instead of a chokehold there's a knife knife at the rear of your neck I've still got the arm
both hands now
back to the chokehold but it's a bar across the arm (there's quite a few ways to knock you out; one way you can breath but you'll pass out if you don't move fast, the other one you can't breath but if you'd just move the opposite way that your logic tells you) so we'll do all those including ....
with the lapel, not my arm ...
Front choke holds ....

martial arts is not a sport it's an addiction There are infinite variations even grabbing a person with one hand. Say you get one technique sorta kinda right it's different with everyone, shorter, taller, stronger, more flexible .....

It's an art, it's part of my eclectic spiritual practice. I just hope and pray that I never ever have to use it again

If (hopefully not when) you need to use it there will not be a post-it telling you what to do. Your body must react from a primordial memory. That takes years of practice. You can not think. You must MOVE.

Move move move make noise move move move move move.

And never ever ever go to another location. I'd die trying to stay right there.

Training since about 1979 and every class I take my goal is maybe just maybe get one technique right ONCE. And speaking of training in Aikido we do a fair amount of knife defense, but every once in a while my teacher has someone attack with a live blade. It's training, in a class, but my eyes get big, this is intense. One missed response and I'll be cleaning blood off the mat, my blood for a while. If you think a few grabs, a couple releases in a class will work I am sad to tell you that is wrong. If you think in the fear, immediacy of a "real" situation maybe with a weapon or multiple attackers that you will react promptly and correctly from a few classes you may be dead wrong.

Situational self defense does not work. It's awesome crosstraining for cycling but not good self defense.

This works

http://www.impactbayarea.org

Find a class that teaches conflict avoidance and diffusion. The best self defense of all is to just not be in the fight in the first place. The fight that does not happen is the one you win.

And then if you can't avoid or diffuse the situation just artless, techniqueless mayhem brutality and utter destruction. In all my years of study I was amazed. There's little art to it, it's not pretty, it's not beautiful just hit them where it hurts and never stop until they are no longer a threat to you and you can take that any way you want.

Most real fights will start or end on the floor. Situational self defense will not work from there.

As for my training it's an art I hope to never use again. even in beautifully falling off the bike which it's helped a couple of times

This sounds a little discouraging so let me just end by saying I feel strongly that the best self defense is what we all do already. Get out there, look strong because we are strong, look fearless because we are fearless. Sure, bring a cell phone, trust your gut but by just being out there looking fabulous and strong that is truly the best self defense there is.

[owlice]

Definitely ride someplace else for a while. Get a bike rack if that's what's needed to transport your bike.

If this happened to me, I'd do the following -- aside from riding elsewhere, which is my first choice -- but I can't say I'm recommending this, because I am not you. I'm big and formidable, don't put up with much, and go to angry when I'm scared, which is why I'll probably be found in a ditch someday, and that's why I'm not recommending this, but I'd:

• carry a cell phone, air horn, and camera with me
• make a call -- or make it look as though I'm making a call -- every time this guy started to follow me once he was close enough to see me using the phone
• take a picture -- or make it look as though I'm taking a picture -- of him following me
• if he didn't back off when he saw me making the first call, I'd call again, and this time, really call someone, whether husband, son, friend, police, nearest neighbor

But really, ride somewhere else, and avoid this guy. Do not go to his house. Someone who is entertained or amused by scaring someone else (outside of a prankish "boo!" when someone is coming around a corner) is dangerous.

[krisl6]

I was also going to suggest a bike rack. That way you don't have to deal with taking the wheel off and putting it back on. I have one and it's so easy and convenient. Not to mention the inside of your car stays a lot cleaner. Good luck with finding a solution to dealing with this guy!

[NbyNW]

Move move move make noise move move move move move.

Pretty much what I did the time I found a burglar in my house. And then I got to a phone and called 911.

Trek420, I agree with everything you said. I've done only some martial arts and want to do more, can appreciate the art & technique vs. the reality of a serious threat. Your experiences speak very well to this point and I could not have said it better.

[Tuckervill]

ah sheesh. I'm just surprised that the fearful reaction is so extreme and final. There are so many many possibilities here, and I'm open to them all. I'm not going to automatically assume that the most likely thing is that he's going to attack. If he wanted to, he could have, many tmes already. Why didn't he? There is probably a reason besides "yet".

She LIVES down the street from this guy. Having a (safe distance) conversation with him and learning his NAME is not outside the realm of reasonable possibilities. "what if what if what if" What if simply speaking to him was like sticking a pin in his little scary balloon and he never bothered her again? That is JUST as likely (in fact more likely, since the incident of attack is far less common than simple every day interactions between strangers) as any of the scenarios that are being imagined, because no one HERE knows enough to make the judgment.

Again and again in my life I have befriended or at least neutralized difficult people; come to terms with their craziness or unpredictability or eccentricities or just creepiness; just by acknowledging their humanity, and TRUSTING MY INSTINCTS.

I'm just saying that she has not done everything I would do before I took drastic, final action. My instincts have spoken.

Karen

[sundial]

I'm not going to automatically assume that the most likely thing is that he's going to attack. If he wanted to, he could have, many tmes already. Why didn't he? There is probably a reason besides "yet".

Tuck, I've been thinking about what you've stated and I've been stewing over this as well. What you have suggested is an interesting approach and could potentially diffuse the situation under the right circumstances.

From the description of the man, my initial thought is this guy's brain may be affected by drug abuse. He doesn't seem to be able to rationalize or process what he deems as a potentially threatening encounter with his neighbors. Instead, he escalates quickly and poses as a threat to not only himself but others as well.

If he is not a victim of substance abuse than he may be chronically mentally ill. Again, if he is experiencing an episode of delusional thoughts he will have difficulty controlling his reactions when encountering individuals--especially if he's paranoid. There is no reasoning with someone when they are escalating--there is only minimizing the situation by 1) not triggering it or 2) reducing it through medical intervention and therapy.

Staceysue, I understand your frustration with having to alter your route but if I were in your shoes I would avoid a chance encounter with this individual. I hope your new routine can offer you peace of mind. Stay safe, enjoy the fresh air, and bask in the beauty of fall.

[Tuckervill]

Until Stacey posted her response with further details, I was willing to fight to the death for my response. But, since she is not just going on hearsay of the neighbors, etc., and more details are added, I now know enough to say, "Stay as far away as possible."

Karen

[Trek420]

When it comes to women's self defense IMHO whatever works, let's you survive or avoid the situation. There is no one way, grasshoppers

If it felt funny/odd/dangerous and yet somehow you live - you're doing it right.

If the burglar was in your home and yet somehow you live - you did it right.

As I can attest there is NO 'safe distance" There are times I may walk right up and shake the persons hand and introduce myself, there are times that small voice says "turn left here, don't go down that road".

It's all takemusu (the Aikido that invents itself. Or at least I've been told that sorta what that means. It might mean "root beer float" for all the Japanese I know )

[Shara]

Kenyon, your advice as a police officer re: civilian use of guns is appreciated.

Ditto.

And I really think you need to file a report with the police. Go down there and talk to them. Just because you've called before doesn't mean you shouldn't call now. You need to have a record of what is going on with him. What if, (worst case scenario, knock on wood it doesn't happen) you actually do have an encounter with him? I think having previous incidences on record would show that he has been harassing you and you were taking action to stop him. Even if there wasn't anything police could do you did what you could.

We do a lot of things to keep ourselves safe while we are out there, like considering road conditions and weather conditions, putting on protective gear, etc. Try to not feel too bad about having to change your route. Just think of it as something extra you can do to protect yourself. This isn't your fault and it's not something you have in your control but you should be able to avoid him and continue peacefully.

BTW I really liked the air horn idea. A good loud one that would attract the attention of your neighbours. I'd also talk to your neighbours about what is happening and make sure they are reporting any incidences regarding him.

Lots of (((hugs))). I hope this passes for you soon. Has he lived there long? Or (wishful thinking) does he happen to rent?

[arielmoon]

I have been thinking about your situation all morning. It just stinks!

Some great advice here though... as always!

((((TE members))))

[lunacycles]

Tuckerville said:

She LIVES down the street from this guy. Having a (safe distance) conversation with him and learning his NAME is not outside the realm of reasonable possibilities. "what if what if what if" What if simply speaking to him was like sticking a pin in his little scary balloon and he never bothered her again? That is JUST as likely (in fact more likely, since the incident of attack is far less common than simple every day interactions between strangers) as any of the scenarios that are being imagined, because no one HERE knows enough to make the judgment.

Again and again in my life I have befriended or at least neutralized difficult people; come to terms with their craziness or unpredictability or eccentricities or just creepiness; just by acknowledging their humanity, and TRUSTING MY INSTINCTS.

I'm just saying that she has not done everything I would do before I took drastic, final action. My instincts have spoken.

Karen
__________________
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insidious ungovernable cardboard

I heartily agree with Tuckerville, though this does not appear to be a popular position on this board.

Speaking of martial arts, I once heard a great story told by Ram Dass about a tiny little old man, an Aikido master, who calmed down a very scary and aggressive man who was threatening people on an inner-city subway by simply connecting with him and not treating him like he was a very scary and aggressive man. The big, scary man just wanted to be seen. I am not saying this is the same scenario at all, and if I were the OP, I would definitely be feeling some fear and taking precautions, but I do think living as a captive in your own neighborhood is not a great option, living in fear of someone only generates more fear in the world (and makes you a victim), and there may be an alternative that might be more healing and liberating for both parties than arming yourself to the teeth and/or completely avoiding any possibility of ever coming into contact with him.

Really, though, good luck. It certainly sounds like a challenging situation.

[Trek420]

Pretty much what I did the time I found a burglar in my house. And then I got to a phone and called 911.

Trek420, I agree with everything you said. I've done only some martial arts and want to do more, can appreciate the art & technique vs. the reality of a serious threat. Your experiences speak very well to this point and I could not have said it better.

OMG. I can't imagine. OMG, I'm so glad that you're ok.

Martial arts is great cross training, good for the core, balance, agility, range of motion, keeps you calm and focused ... all of which is great for cycling.

But I think you could ask anyone in any art and we don't train to be the biggest baddest MF on the block I've "used it in real life" a couple-a times and never ever ever ever wanna do that again.

I want to train all my life till I'm a little bitty old lady in a hakama but I never want to "use it". And I think that's true for all of us in these arts.

I know now what I did in the moment, in other words the person was here, I did this or that ... but in the heat of the moment it just happens there's no thought involved. If you're right that's great and if not ....

One situation was in hindsight a little funny. A coworker not knowing that I train (she does now ) staged a prank of someone sticking a gun at the small of my back (which I now know was an umbrella) at an ATM and robbing me.

Lot's of thoughts went through my head in the nano seconds mostly "I can stand here and get shot through the spine or I can die moving".

Boyohboy was she surprised fractions of a second later she was almost going face first through the ATM. Realizing it was her I stopped short but with her in a pin till I knew what was going on.

Now she knows that's not funny

But burglar in the home? OMG, what happened? I'm glad that you're ok! And I hope he did not get any of the bikes.

[hoffsquared]

Maybe a rack for your Prius is something to think about.

Thule has one. Here is another one. And another one.