Should I take a hint?

[bluerider]

Hi ladies…just wanted to get your opinion on something…

I ride with only guys and only towards the end of this season, I started riding with the “fast” pack. These are serious racers and more often than not, I get dropped about 20 miles in. Our rides are usually 55+ miles. I have been able to keep up 3 times and make it through the entire ride. I’m an aspiring racer so my logic is keep riding with them and eventually I will be able to consistently keep up with them. This is a drop ride, meaning that if you can’t keep up, you go home alone. Also, this is not exactly a social club. They go out to hammer and I respect that. I get the sense that these guys don’t necessary see me as a “hardcore” rider. But I follow cycling religiously and am addicted to the sport. I’m not even sure why I even care what they think about me.

I guess my question is, should I keep riding with these guys? I feel like I’ve earned my “stripes” to ride with them but more often than not, I get the vibe that I’m not exactly welcome. I respect that they treat me as “one of the guys” but at the same time would appreciate some kind of support. I guess I can’t have my cake and eat it too. And don't get me wrong, some of them are great and super-friendly, but a few of them definitely give a vibe that I should not ride with them.

I know the answer to my own question but just had to get that off my chest. And to be honest, I think most of the racers in the club had to work up this way so I shouldn’t expect “special” treatment just because I’m a girl. Nonetheless, it can get pretty lonely when no one really wants to talk to you on a 3 hour ride. So ladies…please tell me to toughen up and stick with it!!!

Thanks for reading…

[Pedal Wench]

I've noticed that most guys don't like to chit-chat on rides. It's just how they are. I did a group ride a while back and really got the sense that the front group didn't want me and my friend there. Every attempt we made to talk was ignored. In our case, we got the sense that they were peeved that we were able to keep up - but it wasn't really a fast pace at all. Just keep riding. If they didn't want you, they would change the start time or location without telling you

[Triskeliongirl]

I agree with pedal wrench. This is how guys are, especially fast ones. My husband is one of the fast boys on the front of the pack, and he gets annoyed if anyone, girl or guy tries to chit chat, cuz it is wasting energy that could be spent cycling faster. He will also drop his best friend if he can. He still likes his best friend, but they don't talk on a ride and they try really hard to drop each other. This is how they get better. Don't take it to be more than it is. If you are keeping up for 20 miles, that is great, and over time you will be able to hang on longer because you are training with them. If you wanna get social, you could invite them out to lunch *after* the ride, our guys will do that , but even then I've never seen more men order salad after cyling 50 miles with 4000 feet of climbing!

[bluerider]

I agree with pedal wrench. This is how guys are, especially fast ones. My husband is one of the fast boys on the front of the pack, and he gets annoyed if anyone, girl or guy tries to chit chat, cuz it is wasting energy that could be spent cycling faster. He will also drop his best friend if he can. He still likes his best friend, but they don't talk on a ride and they try really hard to drop each other. This is how they get better. Don't take it to be more than it is. If you are keeping up for 20 miles, that is great, and over time you will be able to hang on longer because you are training with them. If you wanna get social, you could invite them out to lunch *after* the ride, our guys will do that , but even then I've never seen more men order salad after cyling 50 miles with 4000 feet of climbing!

Thanks, I agree, I shouldn't over-think it. Just go there and treat it for what it is, a really hard training ride. To be honest, I'm not interested in socializing with them during or afterwards, but a simple Hello, Good morning would suffice!

[Triskeliongirl]

Myabe the problem is that they feel you need to earn their respect. Now if they were to look at differences in strength for men vs women they would respect you more, but maybe its as simple as they are looking at it from the stand point of what do THEY get out of riding with you. Obvioulsy you get pushed hard, but they may view you as simply a wheel sucker that is disrupting the rhythm of their paceline. Don't get me wrong on this, maybe that isn't what they think, but maybe it explains their coolness. I agree they should be friendlier, but only you have to decide if what you get out of riding with them is worth the cool behavior. But don't stress over it. Just make your decision, and understand its not personal.

Thanks, I agree, I shouldn't over-think it. Just go there and treat it for what it is, a really hard training ride. To be honest, I'm not interested in socializing with them during or afterwards, but a simple Hello, Good morning would suffice!

[Cassandra_Cain]

Hi Blue...

Yours is not an entirely unfamiliar, or for that matter uncommon, dilemna.

I think if you want to race then riding with a group, at least sometimes, is really necessary. You can be incredibly fit, but you still need good bike handling skills that can only be honed in a group. Not only that but a big issue IMO, is riding in these groups prepares you for the accelerations you'll deal with in the peloton while racing. That's very difficult to train solo, doing the spontaneous anerobic work you get from having to try to keep up with the group.

The personality thing with guys and what not, I totally understand and I don't care for it. There's nothing that says you have to ride with guys, if there is a group of strong women riding in your area. Whatever works for you though!

Best of luck

[bluerider]

Myabe the problem is that they feel you need to earn their respect. Now if they were to look at differences in strength for men vs women they would respect you more, but maybe its as simple as they are looking at it from the stand point of what do THEY get out of riding with you. Obvioulsy you get pushed hard, but they may view you as simply a wheel sucker that is disrupting the rhythm of their paceline. Don't get me wrong on this, maybe that isn't what they think, but maybe it explains their coolness. I agree they should be friendlier, but only you have to decide if what you get out of riding with them is worth the cool behavior. But don't stress over it. Just make your decision, and understand its not personal.

You are RIGHT ON to what I've been thinking. I think they are trying to figure out what they get from riding with me. Which to be honest, isn't much considering I am really a wheelsucker. So, it comes back to whether or not I should keep at it, the LAST THING I want to do is disrupt their rides but on the other hand, am not sure how I am ever going to improve without them.

[bluerider]

I've noticed that most guys don't like to chit-chat on rides. It's just how they are. I did a group ride a while back and really got the sense that the front group didn't want me and my friend there. Every attempt we made to talk was ignored. In our case, we got the sense that they were peeved that we were able to keep up - but it wasn't really a fast pace at all. Just keep riding. If they didn't want you, they would change the start time or location without telling you

Thanks PW. I don't chit chat with anyone! I'm too busy trying to keep up...they aren't a social bunch but it gets to the point where a rider won't ride up to fill the gap beside me...that's when I'm like....OKAAAAAAY...I get it...you don't want me here and don't want to talk to me...

I will keep riding because I love riding in a group a lot and I've seriously gotten better riding with them...just wish it was a bit more friendly...

[Squeaky]

Toughen up and stick with it!

As long as you're not getting discouraged when you do get dropped, then use them for motivation and to get better. Ignore the jerks (who probably just feel threatened) and socialize with the nice ones. It's awesome that you're keeping up with these guys and the fact that you keep at it should give you a lot of satisfaction.

[bluerider]

Toughen up and stick with it!

As long as you're not getting discouraged when you do get dropped, then use them for motivation and to get better. Ignore the jerks (who probably just feel threatened) and socialize with the nice ones. It's awesome that you're keeping up with these guys and the fact that you keep at it should give you a lot of satisfaction.

Thanks Squeaky, I will try to toughen up. To be honest, I don't know why I care so much since I barely know them...

I don't get discouraged when I get dropped. For me, it's a rite of passage but really at times, it really doesn't matter whether or not I get dropped or not...I doubt anyone would miss me...I will say, a few guys have come back to "fetch" me when I've been dropped so I can't say all of them are jerks...I guess I just have to keep at it...

I'll try to toughen it up but boy oh boy, it's awfully tempting some days to just ride alone...

[Triskeliongirl]

..I will say, a few guys have come back to "fetch" me when I've been dropped so I can't say all of them are jerks...I guess I just have to keep at it.....

I agree with the others that say this IS there way of saying you are welcome. I also agree that what you are feeling is the testosterone that is seething as they push hard, that is all. They obviously respect you if they are helping you get back on. Its only once a week, and I would say if you can do it, more power to you. I read that Dede Barry did so well cuz she showed up with her husband at the Disco training cramps, and trained them as best as she could. So, be glad you are talented enough to hang with the fast boys, and don't sweat the small stuff!

[bluerider]

I agree with the others that say this IS there way of saying you are welcome. I also agree that what you are feeling is the testosterone that is seething as they push hard, that is all. They obviously respect you if they are helping you get back on. Its only once a week, and I would say if you can do it, more power to you. I read that Dede Barry did so well cuz she showed up with her husband at the Disco training cramps, and trained them as best as she could. So, be glad you are talented enough to hang with the fast boys, and don't sweat the small stuff!

I appreciate your insights because I think I'm mixing up what I think is happening vs what is really happening. Really appreciate.

I'm actually excited to go riding again (ie get dropped again) this weekend!!!

Thanks again to all those who offered encouragement!!!

[Geonz]

Okay, just a mama-hen word here... we had a bad summer for crashes here, and seemed most of them were from people pushing **so hard** that they wobbled at the wrong time (twice it was pushing really, really hard to catch up... and then catching up and catching a wheel and going down HARD.)

So... be careful out there... suffer gracefully!!!

[Triskeliongirl]

I remember reading, I think it was in Michael Barry's inside the postal bus, the shock when he showed up with his wife at training camp (I think a few other guys brought their wives as well, ?Leipheimer). Apparently that is a big no-no to the european cycling coaches but these women ended up doing better than their husbands from that high level of training, and they saw the womens presence did not disrupt anything. If I were you I would just enjoy the fact that you can hang. I hung for 5 miles with the fast boys on last sundays club ride. The good news its more than I ever managed before, and I got dropped when DH took a pull and pushed the pace......... But I know that I will never have the strength to really hang with men like that so I really admire what it means that you can! Just enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spokewench]

Hang in there. Some of the guys will accept you and treat you accordingly; others will never accept you and think you have no business riding with the guys! Don't ask me why, but that is the way it is. Remember to use the ride for what you need. Take care of yourself and remember just because some of them are really fast, not all of them are really good bike handlers so be aware of your position in the pack and keep yourself safe.



This is the first year that I haven't ridden with the local fast ride on Saturday and, Boy, I did not miss it either. I have just had my fill of the boys who are still boys and will remain that way until they are 90. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of the guys that go on these rides, but those few hardheads are still hard to take!

But, like I said, use the ride for what you need and just realize not all of them are going to accept you. When you are feeling real good one day try this. This never fails to give me a laugh. Tactics on a rid e are usually as follows: If someone you know who is really not all that fast blasts off the front of the pack and is just going to blow up and get pulled back into the pack, most packs will just let them go and not worry cause they know the pack will just pick them back up. However, try it as a girl - Yeah, blast off the front real hard and then go into time trial mode. Those boys just can't resist even if they know you can't pull away from them in the long run. The whole pack will follow you in a sprint off the front! Maybe you had to be there. Oh well, I get a kick out of it!