Negativity? Depression? How to make a friendship with doom and gloom?

[Irulan]

That whole thing started when she damaged my mental health this summer.

I don't know how to say this gently: she didn't do anything. You LET her do it. I'm sure that is very tough to hear, but until you understand that nothing will really change. Its a whole new mindset to give yourself the power to do something about it.

[colorisnt]

If her behavior was enough stress to cause a manic/hypomanic episode, then, RUN. You seem to have your stuff under control. One of the main treatments for Bipolar Disorder is just to be able to recognize the triggers of hypomania/mania, and avoid them, as well as recognizing the symptoms of an episode.
Have you done any work with Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction? It's a huge part of DBT, which I totally agree with and use with almost all of my clients with mood disorders. You might like it. Ask your therapist.
And, geez, I am glad she thinks I am the same as every other therapist . In fact, the comment I get from a lot of my clients, is that I am not!

The DBT was something we have done before. We've also done a lot of "drop the rope" exercises which I try to do on a daily basis when I get really wound up before bed worrying about something. And no, she has NO clue what happens in therapy. She has a crazy mother who ONE TIME sent her to see a family social worker (who was not a psychologist) and that lady wasn't useful. She doesn't seem to care that there are other options.

I don't know how to say this gently: she didn't do anything. You LET her do it. I'm sure that is very tough to hear, but until you understand that nothing will really change. Its a whole new mindset to give yourself the power to do something about it.

No, you're right. The problem was that, at that time, if I hadn't "stepped up", she never would have gotten to the hospital, wouldn't have been able to feed herself, woudn't have been able to go to/from her surgery or appointments - nothing. Everyone else had already been so manipulated by her that they were ignoring her or were out of town at the time. Her own mother deserted her. I was able to be there for her. When it got so bad I wasn't sleeping and made myself so run down, I developed an ear infection and a sinus infection, I told her that was it. I had had enough. And, I did what I needed to do. I went home to my parents' place where I could sleep uninterrupted and get away from her. I felt like that was the only possible option for me at that point. My therapist was glad I finally was being mindful of what I needed. And I've learned a lot since then. It's why I'm really not back at the house much anymore. It's kind of a toxic situation. I feel uneasy while there more often than not, so why force myself to stay when I have other places to be?

If this thinking interests you, you may want to read Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart for a number of positive strategies in understanding the teaching opportunities of numerous situations.

Interesting. I might have to look into this.


I'm beginning to think that for now, I'm going to spend as little time over there as possible (again) and will try to keep to boundaries. The minute she starts being rude or incredibly negative, I will point it out and say, "I just can't talk about this anymore. It really bothers me." and either see if we can change the topic or something else. I think I've begun to "loosen up" around her again with that and she's reacting to it.

I really, really keep hoping that when I move out things will magically get better and we can be friends again sans-business-relationship-issues but I don't think magic works for adults.