Ok long story short, mom and dad split when I was 2 never saw him again till I was 9 and that was till his mom died so about hmmm 9 months I had to see him every other weekend and I was always with his wife or his mom and not him.
Tried to keep in touch with him but he never returned the favor. No birthday, no christmas, so child support.
Saw him on his terms about 19 years ago. We met at a lake cause he wanted to go fishing. Not us fishing, him. Kinda stayed in touch but it was mostly his wife that tried to get us together. But she always wanted me to come there. And she sounds like a whiny Marilyn Monroe which grinds on me. And it was always her not him asking. And he never knew when she was calling me till she said here it's your daughter. Lasted a couple months then stopped.

Well now she is calling me because he is terminal. Oh and they got divorced 6 months after they got married. They did only date 3 weeks till they got hitched. And he bought a house and is letting her live in while he lives in a trailor behind the house. 18 years after they split? WT?
Well I think he is in a hospital in LA which is 4 hours from me. But that is beside the point I am trying to make here.
I don't want to see him. I don't know him, got sick of trying when he would not make the effort back. All I know about him fit's in my hand.
He said once that I was the worst thing he had ever lost. Well umm I gave you MANY chances. MANY. waited 43 year for you.
Now that he is dyeing he wants (again) for me to come see him. Which is coming from his EX wife and not him.
Am I bad person? I had a very messed up upraising and not once was he there to help me through it. Not one time.
And I am exhausted from working on the road and finally home today (yeaaa) and my answering machine is filled with her whiny voice begging me to come down. After driving 10 hours today after 3 months of being on the road. Hmmmm? Not feeling like taking on that emotion. And I have family memebers who deserve my attention way more. Like my niece Lorelei. Ok I am done ranting. Any opinions are welcome feeling strange about this. Does not help how tired I am from working and just want to decompress.
Should I feel quilt for someone I don't know even if he is the dad I NEVER had?
Thanks for listening.