Speaking of too much stuff

[grey]

OK girls, I need advice on how to approach the hubs, gently, about getting rid of a large pile of stuff.

I married a packrat. He's a wonderful guy, but he can't let anything go. He works in construction, so every toilet that still works, every sink and ugly cabinet, every sliding door and window he replaces... the old one comes home.

This is the underside of our guest house, it's 450 square feet. Circled is where I have to go to get to our deep freezer. I preserve most everything, more often than not I dehydrate or can food. It's dangerous to go back there - climbing over all that STUFF!

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/9/img5556w.jpg/

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I just cleared out the yard behind the guest house - anything I could lift myself. There's still more I could get rid of - all the pots that plants came in that he wants to keep because "someday we'll have a tree farm" (hey, by then all that plastic will be rotting!). There's a sliding door I can't move myself, and a 6ft jetted tub, and old iron rails for a porch/stairs.

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I understand he thinks we will use these things one day. But the truth is, even now, when we HAVE an investment house to work on, most of it will not work. We have about 7 sinks, and not ONE will work in the two bathrooms in this remodel. None of the cabinets will work, and neither will any of the windows - we have enough of those for TWO houses.

It's probably easier to just look at all the pics in imageshack:
http://imageshack.us/g/233/img5554n.jpg/

We aren't slobs, we're solidly middle class, college-educated (he has a master's in education, all his teaching stuff is in the attic yet, five boxes of it...and I suspect, we are not able to have kids so why keep it?). I do interior decorating on the side, trying to get out of my computer job. Our house, and the places people usually see, is BEAUTIFUL. Sure can't tell by all this though!

So here is what I want to do: convince him to let me SELL THIS STUFF. It might even pay for a vacation. I need advice on how to approach it. I'm a total minimalist, the less stuff, the happier I am (to a point, you can feel deprived), so this climbing over mountains of kitchen cabinets, bifold doors, and newel posts is killing me.

[bmccasland]

Sounds like hubby dear has a horder problem. Have you told him that you're afriad you'll break an ankle just trying to get to the freezer? Does he panic at the suggestion that you get rid of the spare toilets? Can you donate any of the construction materials to something like Habitat's Re-use?

If hubby freaks at the sound of getting rid of things, then he'll probably need professional help. There is a point that the hording gets to be a safety issue, and it looks like you might have crossed the line.

[indysteel]

If Beth is right, and I tend to think she is, then cognitive behavior therapy from a qualified professional is your best bet. Of course, the average hoarder will resist acknowledging that he or she has a problem. It might be smart for you, yourself, to seek out some help in helping your husband understand that he arguably has a problem. Yes, you can just try to get rid of the stuff, but the stuff is just a symptom, and it would likely just be replaced by more stuff. Hopefully, your situation isn't quite so dire, but I would treat it rather seriously. My mother is a hoarder. It didn't spill into the common areas of the house until she was in her late sixties, but now that it's out of the closet so to speak, I'm not sure how to help or how to help my father. She's already a pretty difficult person to deal with. I will say this; I'm not entirely sure hoarders even SEE all their stuff after a while. Denial is a powerful thing.

Good luck. I'm hoping Crankin will weigh in; she may have some insight as a mental health provider.

[Biciclista]

and in the meantime, have him go to the freezer for you a few times .. Then let him know you can't get there from here.

[Jen12]

Maybe organizing things into like piles would help. At the very least it would let you get around, but it also might show him just how many of each thing he has. Then you can set some limits and have him make some choices.

[Brandi]

and in the meantime, have him go to the freezer for you a few times .. Then let him know you can't get there from here.

I like this idea!
My opinion this is just going to get worse! And Exactly when and where is he planning to use this stuff. My husband does a bit of this too. But not as bad. I have to say that is kinda bad. I feel for you. But it will get worse it won't get better. Say bye bye to your freezer. I believe it is just going to get further away.

[NbyNW]

I've got no wisdom to share re the hoarding, but I recently learned that some "architectural salvage" companies exist that might pay for these kinds of things. We are going to be renovating our kit/bath soon and my designer suggested that we might be able to sell some of our old cabinetry, appliances, fixtures, etc. to offset our overall project costs. So it is worth looking into.

Well, I did have an afterthought just now -- your DH may be justifying the hoarding in part by thinking he's being frugal and planning second lives for these items, rescuing them from landfills. Noble thoughts, except who knows when "someday" comes, and as you said, these items won't necessarily work in your home. Maybe you could appeal to those same noble thoughts with a different line of reasoning, e.g., these things are only useful when they are in the right place. And right now they are in limbo (your yard). They need to find homes of their own.

That said, I agree with the posters above who said some form of professional help might assist you in this process.