Guest's unfinished food-do you ask?

[TsPoet]

This thread has been fascinating. Thanks for posting the question!
I'm not quite as polite - I usually announce what will be for dinner when I invite people - at least a category.
I'm very simple, though, when I invite people it'll be burgers and salad, or pizza ordered out (I do ask what toppings people want, then order whatever I want taking their desires under advisement), or meatloaf and potatoes... simple stuff.
I do like the separate dishes idea.

[DebW]

The title of this thread made me think that the question you ask your guest is "May I finish your leftovers?" It's always a shame to throw out good food.

[Sylvia]

When I invite people over, I usually will ask if there are any dietary restrictions. And I tell them that I have no problems if there are since I grew up in a family like this. My father is diabetic and my mother doesn't eat shell fish due to religious beliefs. I really have no problems if someone doesn't like certain foods or can't eat certain foods, but I ask in advance to try and make it easier for everyone.

[PamNY]

The title of this thread made me think that the question you ask your guest is "May I finish your leftovers?" It's always a shame to throw out good food.

I thought the same thing when I saw this thread. I was going to suggest waiting until the guest departs to polish off that chocolate cake.

Seriously, this is an interesting discussion. I'm vegetarian but I try really hard not to be a PITA.

[Cataboo]

I had 1 parent that grew up through all the wars in Vietnam and another who grew up through rationing during WWII in Britian - Both were pretty adamant that you did not waste food, you ate it to survive, and being picky was a luxury.

Now, judging from my thighs, I think I have some room for luxury now... And I waste too much food at times.

I'll confess to getting really aggravated with my sister & her 8 year old sometimes. My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old. Generally, at least one of those meat dishes is something that my Mom's made for my little brother who won't eat anything vegetable so should be fine for the 8 year old as well - and another one is usually something she knows my sister's 8 year old likes, so it's not like my mother isn't making an effort. When someone decides to go out for fast food after leaving your house & not make a secret out of it, it's somewhat of a slap in the face.

[badger]

I haven't entertained in a while, but I usually have two ways, one is to announce in advance what is on the menu (thereby they can determine they want to eat it or not or tell me they have problems with it), and the other is potluck.

I've been to a party once where the menu was bouillabase (sp?). It was awaful because I hate shellfish and anything fishy, so I tried to eat a bit but it just wasn't going down all that well. The host felt horribly as well because she thought she was putting on a fantastic meal and I couldn't enjoy it.

[bcipam]

Generally - if having guests over, I ask if there are any food issues before I plan and shop for the meal. Personally I have alot of food allergies myself - I have no problem telling someone I can't eat onion, garlic, salt etc. but it's always nice if they ask me first.

That said, if I am a guest in someone's house and find the food not to my liking, I just politely leave it and not say a word other than thank you for the lovely meal. I would not want to embarass or upset the cook about making something I can't eat.

Unless you and I were really close, I would hate for you to ask "why didn't you eat everything on your plate?" Just assume she had her reasons and let it go. Next time, ask before the meal is cooked are there any likes or dislikes. Or just let it go... it's not that big a deal... I have friends who are terribly cooks. I don't go to their house for the food, I go for the company. The food is secondary.

[bcipam]

I
I'll confess to getting really aggravated with my sister & her 8 year old sometimes. My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old. Generally, at least one of those meat dishes is something that my Mom's made for my little brother who won't eat anything vegetable so should be fine for the 8 year old as well - and another one is usually something she knows my sister's 8 year old likes, so it's not like my mother isn't making an effort. When someone decides to go out for fast food after leaving your house & not make a secret out of it, it's somewhat of a slap in the face.

OK that's a whole other issue - someone has control issues and someone knows how to push buttons - guess who is who?

My mother wasn't the greatest but what she taught me is how to be polite and gracious. If I don't like the food I sit quietly and do my best. As a parent I would never overindulge my child but instead use the situation as a learning tool. And using McDonalds as a bride or treat? Lordy not good for the child!!! The child should be told she can pick something off the menu at Mom's or wait until they get home and she can have cereal. I bet she picks something off mom's menu with that choice instead of McDonald's!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

My mother will make 4 different type meat dishes with rice and different vegetables all served buffet style, and the 8 year old will refuse to eat each one for various reasons, and my sister will say "okay, I'll take you to mcdonalds after we leave" or will go get a microwave pizza out of the freezer and cook it for the 8 year old.

Yikes. Don't even get me started on this subject! How not to raise a healthy and considerate human being.

[GLC1968]

I have lots of food issues, but no specific allergies. When I go to someone's house for dinner, if they don't ask, I keep my mouth shut and make the best of it.

The first time I went to an ex-boyfriend's parents house for dinner, his mom mananged to make an entire meal of everything I didn't like. No joke! From ham as the main course, cauiliflower in a cream sauce, a sausage based stuffing full of raisins and the salad which was drowning in a mustard cream dressing. I hate creamy things, ham, raisins, mustard, cauliflower (back then) and sausage gives me indigestion! I survived and I handled it like an adult - politely.

When I cook, I ask about alergies or preferences (usually by sharing what I am planning and asking if that'll work) ahead of time. I had a friend who's husband was like that 8-year old. He wouldn't eat about one thousand different things and he (and his wife) would expect us to accomodate them. I would do the best I could to ensure that there were at least a couple of dishes that he would eat, but they would want me to only serve stuff that didn't have his dislikes involved! I mean, yes, I get it if you are vegan or are allergic to shellfish - but you want me to accomodate all of your pickiness? I don't think so. You are an adult. Eating lightly at one meal isn't going to kill you. We eventually stopped inviting them over for meals.

And no, I would never ask someone after the fact if they didn't like something I cooked unless they were a really good friend and even then, only in private.

[shootingstar]

I have lots of food issues, but no specific allergies. When I go to someone's house for dinner, if they don't ask, I keep my mouth shut and make the best of it............................................

I mean, yes, I get it if you are vegan or are allergic to shellfish - but you want me to accomodate all of your pickiness? I don't think so. You are an adult. Eating lightly at one meal isn't going to kill you. We eventually stopped inviting them over for meals.

Encapsulates what I feel also: There is a point as a full-grown adult , one should be reasonably be flexible enough to eat lightly for stuff that doesn't meet personal specifications/demands. Unless the food results in a medical disorder/threat.

In watching my sisters and their hubbies raise their children, they are trying to expose each child's palate to a broad range of healthy foods and flavours. It can be challenge on parents at times in terms of patience. The sister who is a physician and mother of 2 now recommends (even more confidently now that she has become a mother) try the same healthy veggie/fruit on child....20 different times. Even if it means cooking it different ways, etc. Yes sure, her 2 yr. old is helping herself to cooked butternut squash, bok choy,etc. in her mouth on her own.

Of course, it can mean a mess on the child at times as they play around with the food or take extra time to eat.

Hence, my oldest niece who is now 25 yrs., she is nonplussed about eating all sorts of unusual foods and spiceness: no problem. She's beeen acculturating her boyfriend who had been raised in a tiny Ontario village. He didn't even eat Chinese food...which I find strange since most small Canadian towns do have at least 1 Chinese-Canadian restaurant, which may not be authentic cuisine..
He's only 26 yrs. So not born..100 yrs. ago. Doesn't even like ANY soups. None. He has no allergies.

He sort of reminds me of my partner's mom who had a friend who didn't like and never ate any vegetables. Friend was raised on Cape Breton Island off the coast of Nova Scotia. It was strange to see to 70 yr. old woman (who was quite sick after a heart stroke) not wanting any veggies in her meals because she never/rarely ate veggies as a child and onward. Yes, the woman became abit overweight for various reasons, but that food omission probably didn't help.

And for Lakerider on mega-family dinners: For me, a family get-together means 25 people. We just know to avoid making stuff with shrimp and peanut butter for 3 children who have strong allergies to these foods that can become life-threatening. Then the rest is potluck where most people just offer and bring what they want. With this number of people, alot of potluck dishes get consumed most of the time. No one tries to figure out other family members' food preferences. Chaotic, isn't it? But it's fun.

The only thing that unites all the hodge podge of potluck dishes is: in our mega-family if your dish is healthy/moderately decadent/moderately spiced, it'll get eaten at least 80% or more. If there is 8 bottles of wine...I guarantee only 3-4 bottles will get consumed for said same 25 people.

[OakLeaf]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned religious restrictions in this thread.

Shootingstar, apparently if your friend ate some of the mussels, that wasn't it. But I would accommodate a guest's religious dietary restrictions the same as I would if it were a physical allergy or sensitivity. Obviously they'd have to tell me first though.

[Cataboo]

Shootingstar - your guest didn't complain to you about the food or say anything till you asked her why she didn't eat it. So I'm not certain there's anything in her behavior that wasn't adult. You served her something that she either didn't want to eat or couldn't eat and she made the best of it without complaining.

And I'm sure she hated being put on the spot for you asking...

Mussels are kind of a tough one, lots of people have issues with seafood or sensitivities.

[GLC1968]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned religious restrictions in this thread.

Shootingstar, apparently if your friend ate some of the mussels, that wasn't it. But I would accommodate a guest's religious dietary restrictions the same as I would if it were a physical allergy or sensitivity. Obviously they'd have to tell me first though.

Yes, I would accomodate religious restrictions as well, no problem. Honestly, I would accomodate any reasonable request. Key word here being 'reasonable' of course.

[Blueberry]

To respond to the original inquiry - I think the guest behaved entirely appropriately.

Food was PUT on her plate - she didn't take too much and then fail to eat it. She ate as much as she could, leaving the parts she didn't like/didn't want. Bell peppers are one of the few foods I have trouble choking down - they trigger a very strong gag reflex, and I get very sick to my stomach if I eat them. I likely would have done the same, and move them around/left them on the side of the plate.

I was also surprised at the comment about how much desert she ate - she enjoyed it, there was plenty. She's apparently fit and generally healthy - why is that a big deal?

When asked about my own dietary restrictions - no beef or pork (generally moral reasons) or bell peppers, I will generally cheerfully offer to supplement dinner (particularly if it causes a problem). One of the toughest situations I have been put in lately was being served a plate of veal at a wedding reception. I ate as much as I could without become physically ill, and said nothing. I would have been somewhat embarassed to be asked about it.

Close friends - I might say something like "I was thinking of taking that dish to a dinner party - what do you think?" Most people that come to my home I'm close enough to to be able to have a frank conversation beforehand about their preferences, and allow them to control what/how much they take. Hasn't been an issue at all.