Wedding shower etiquette question

**indigoiis** · 03-20-2009, 01:17 PM

I LOVE that tiara.

**indigoiis** · 03-20-2009, 01:20 PM

I am in the same situation. My good friend's daughter, who is 23 and very mentally unstable, is getting married in May. I already bought them an engagement gift (thankfully, we were on a cycling trip at the party) and now her shower is coming up.I have to miss a Sunday of cycling for this.

I am seriously thinking about riding to the shower.
It's fifteen miles.

Do you think that's tacky?

**indysteel** · 03-20-2009, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by Zen

Is this a celebration of two peoples commitment to one another or a celebration of gifts?

You stated that they are both in their forties and have been together for a while. They really don't need anything.

Seriously. I know I've beat this particular horse before in other threads, but I honestly have a problem when women/men/couples of a certain age register for gifts for either the wedding or shower. I understand buying things (within reason) for a young couple or bride, but after a certain point, it just seems inappropriate. I say that as a 39 year old who plans to elope. No shower, no gifts.

I also have a problem with the implicit obligation to buy a shower gift or wedding gift. It really should be treated as optional IMO.

That said, I think it's very nice of you to get them a skillet and your shower gift is just fine.

**AnnieBikes** · 03-20-2009, 01:25 PM

My favorite gift for all new brides and grooms, if they have any interest in cooking, is a box of spices and herbs. www.penzeys.com has some really nice spice sets just for newlyweds. If they have been living together for a long time then maybe this is not so good but the couples who have gotten this gift have been very happy. It is definitely different!

Now, for the pig tea kettle...I couldn't stop laughing...perfect!!!

**ny biker** · 03-20-2009, 01:25 PM

Crankin, I was in a similar situations some years back, and declined to go to the engagement party because I couldn't afford a gift. At the time I was pretty broke, due to only recently starting working again after prolonged unemployment, and I was pretty annoyed that I had to spend money to buy things for these people when I didn't own any of the things on their registry and couldn't afford to buy them for myself. I chose the two cheapest things on the list to give them.

(At their reception, one of the couples' very close friends had to leave early because he was sick. When someone told the bride he had left, she said, angrily, "well I hope he ate his dinner before he left because I paid a lot of money for it." Sometimes I really don't like weddings.)

**Veronica** · 03-20-2009, 01:30 PM

I LOVE Penzeys spices!

Veronica

**shootingstar** · 03-20-2009, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by indigoiis

I am seriously thinking about riding to the shower.
It's fifteen miles.

Do you think that's tacky?

I would cycle if it's not raining. I've reached to a point in life (and my age, 50), that it wouldn't bother me what the other shower attendees thought.

Just make sure your either ride slowly (not to sweat) or change into something fresh at the party.

If you bike, someone is bound to envy you, for cycling off the party's food goodies!

**Zen** · 03-20-2009, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by TsPoet

I guess growing up with the name and being a police officer named Ham inhibited his pleasure in things pig-like.

That's unfortunate and yet hilarious at once

**lph** · 03-20-2009, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by indigoiis

I am seriously thinking about riding to the shower.
It's fifteen miles.

Do you think that's tacky?

How could this be considered tacky? I guess if you walk into the shower in full bike gear, sweating and panting and muddy, and then proceed to hog all the attention telling about your brilliant ride and how everybody else should ride bikes - that could be tacky

But otherwise, it's just a mode of tranportation like any other?

But ignore me, we don't even have wedding showers so I'm just talking here...

**tulip** · 03-20-2009, 05:21 PM

I arrived at a wedding shower on my bike a few years ago. It was a very hot day, and it was about 10 miles away. I knew I would get sweaty, but I was sharing a car with the then-DH and he had something to do that involved the car, so I didn't have access to a car. I brought my party clothes separately and just quietly cooled down and changed in the bathroom (the party was at someone's house). I got a few raised eyebrows, but I didn't let it bother me. In fact, cycling became the topic of conversation. The bride is a triathlete, so she thought it was cool.

**PamNY** · 03-20-2009, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by indigoiis

I am seriously thinking about riding to the shower.
It's fifteen miles.

Do you think that's tacky?

Not tacky at all. I ride my Xootr absolutely everywhere for the same reason other people drive their cars absolutely everywhere: it is my mode of transportation. It's been to a funeral, to black tie events, and it's spent time in many of NYC's finer coat check rooms.

I think your gifts sound splendid. I love rice paper.

Pam

**Crankin** · 03-20-2009, 06:17 PM

I don't think it's tacky, but most people will. When I got the invitation, I said to my friend (the mother of the bride) "Oh, that (country club where it's being held) is on a big hill." She replied, "Only you would say that."
It's only about 8 miles from my house, but I do sweat a lot. Maybe if I rode my Jamis, I could go slow enough to not sweat, but I would have to change. I don't know the people giving the shower (groom's family), except they are very ah, unsophisticated people who might freak out if I came in in cycling gear. I also don't want to cause any issues for my friend, who has enough stress with this child and the whole event.
I will try and ride before or after the shower.

**Possegal** · 03-20-2009, 06:52 PM

I give the same thing to every bride-to-be at their wedding showers. Picture frames. I'm a bit of a picture-aholic, my whole stairwell in my house is lined with family photos. I figure they are bound to have a photo or two they want to display after the wedding.

I think your wedding gift and your shower (re)gift

sound lovely! And I'd bike there too, nothing tacky about that.

**Tuckervill** · 03-21-2009, 08:42 AM

Rules and what is acceptable varies from one part of the country to the next. I really think bridal registries are a *help* to those who don't know the couple very well (good friends of the parents, for instance). I appreciate having an idea of the colors and styles they like.

Couples used to just register for china, stemware and the like, but now they have that little scanner thing at Target and they just go nuts--especially, it seems, when the groom is involved. I have overheard some really tacky conversations between bride and groom in the housewares aisles of Target! I feel free to ignore all the high dollar and non-traditional items, and either get something off the registry or use information on the registry to help me choose something more thoughtful.

In this situation, with both over 40, even though it's a first wedding, I would be inclined to get them a book of poetry or something small and inexpensive like that, or just send my regrets about not being able to attend the shower.

Karen

**Tokie** · 03-21-2009, 02:56 PM

How about something to go with the skillet? Potholders, gourmet type small food items, and a note about how she can use it with the skillet you are giving her? I think re-gifting the salt and pepper set is a good idea too, perhaps with the same type of note about the skillet. Tokie

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