how to deal with the death of a fellow cyclist

[DarcyInOregon]

What a terrible tragedy. It is what we all fear when we get on the bike.

In Oregon, there have been bicyclists killed this year, just like you described. The biker is doing everything right, and a car will make a turn into a drive or side street without looking and run over the cyclist. The motorist always claims the sun was in their eyes. I don't get it. I really don't. When I am driving, if the sun blinds me, I certainly don't make any turns until I can see what I am doing and where I am going. So I don't understand this explanation as to why a driver kills a biker.

And I don't understand how we can protect ourselves against people who drive while being blinded by the sun. Are there any solutions?

Anyway, lots of hugs for you.

Darcy

[Thistle]

Silver, i am so sorry. I cant even imagine how awful and traumatic it was.

I think you need to know that whatever you do, however you deal with it is the right way, cos there is no "right" or "best" way.

Keep posting, keep talking, keep grieving. Keep knowing how much we are holding you in our hearts.



Hugs and sympathy
Thea

[velocilex]

Silver,
How awful for you to experience this. I don't know what to say except that you are in my thoughts, as are the others who had to witness this tragedy and the poor man's family. (((hugs)))

[silver]

Thanks to everyone for "listening" and for your support. I've had several hours now to process this. I know I will ride again. It will be scary. Yes, I think that the biggest lesson that I can take to my riding is to always assume that the driver does not see me.

One of the things that I'm having the most trouble processing is that it didn't seem like to me that his injuries were going to be life threatening. He didn't seem to have a head wound. It seems that the major problem was blunt trauma to the chest.

Velocilex: I was riding this ride as a tune up for the Hilly. I will be inquiring as to whether the family would feel it appropriate for me to ride in his memory. let's do a rool call later in the week for TE folks who are riding.

[annie]

This is so awful! I couldn't even respond on my first read-through.

You seem to be handling it ok for now, Silver. I hope you continue to do so! My thoughts are with you and all else involved. So scary!!!!

annie

[DDH]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I don't have any words of wisdom, and can't even imagine what I would do in the same situation.
I am sure this gentlemen who enjoyed and loved riding would not want anyone to stop because of this tragedy. The only thing I can say about drivers is that I think a lot of the time they are looking for other cars and nothing else when they go to execute their turns or what not.
I cannot imagine not seeing a bright yellow jersey coming down the road at me. I try to always be aware of everything that is going on around me when I drive, not just the other vehicles.
I hope that comfort and peace are with you during this hard time and my thoughts and prayers go out to the family, friends and other bicyclist as well as you.

[KnottedYet]

(((((silver)))))

My thoughts are with you and the biker's family and the other riders you were with.

[emily_in_nc]

Horrible, just horrible.

Be prepared -- this event will probably haunt you for some time. You might have trouble sleeping, nightmares, or fear responses out of the blue. You might have recurrent images of the accident, tear up with no warning, and be anxious on your bike for awhile.

Or not.

We're all different. I am just sharing how I reacted after my dad died in a car accident - I experienced all of the symptoms I listed above. Obviously it's a very different situation to lose a loved one than an acquaintance, but since you witnessed the accident, you may well have some of the same types of reactions and post-traumatic stress symptoms that I did. I still have them, though less frequently, even 11 months later. Your acute reactions will probably not last nearly so long since you didn't lose a loved one suddenly, but you'll never forget what happened today. And the reality of today will sink in more than it has already in coming days. So things may get worse before they get better.

Do seek the support of family and friends, and talk about how you are feeling.

Sending you many virtual hugs and calming thoughts....

Emily

[mimitabby]

more virtual hugs from here in Seattle, where a fine young woman died this week in almost exactlly the same way, in the morning when the sun was virtually horizontal in the van driver's eyes...

[Xrayted]

silver, I'm so sorry. There just aren't words...
It's bad enough to lose a friend but right in front of you is just devastating. Talk it out with those around you and come here anytime you need it. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time for it to really sink in. If you're ever having an extra hard time dealing, make sure you get help/talk it out. Shock from things like this can hit us at any time, even days or weeks later.

Take care and you are all in my thoughts. ((((silver))))

cindy

(p.s. I just added contact info in my seat bag along with my id/insurance info.)

[HipGnosis6]

Somebody mentioned post-traumatic symptoms.... if you find yourself having nightmares, difficulty sleeping, depression, et cetera, please do not be afraid or ashamed to talk to a counselor. You have, after all, just lived through a pretty traumatic experience. You will be in all our thoughts and if you need emotional support the ladies at TE are excellent to have around.

[Nanci]

Silver, how sad. I'm sorry. I'm glad the guy wasn't alone when it happened, though. There have been several fatalities in my city recently, and some non-fatal hits. A woman from our cycling club has been in the hospital where I work for weeks- broken back, broken ribs, broken femur- but got to go to rehab last week finally. It was like a daily reminder, seeing her name in the computer every day. She's lucky.

I know what you mean about injuries not appearing that bad. Maybe someone from the cycling club will have more information. One thing that easily kills people is when the aorta is injured during a sudden deceleration.

I copied this from the bicycle safe website. It's not much, but it's something.

The Left Cross

A car coming towards you makes a left turn right in front of you, or right into you.

How to avoid this collision:

1. Don't ride on the sidewalk. When you come off the sidewalk to cross the street, you're invisible to turning motorists.

2. Get a headlight. If you're riding at night, you should absolutely use a front headlight. It's required by law in most countries, anyway.

3. Wear something bright, even during the day. It may seem silly, but bikes are small and easy to see through even during the day. Yellow or orange reflective vests really make a big difference. Reflective leg bands are also easy and inexpensive.

4. Don't pass on the right. Don't overtake slow-moving vehicles on the right. Doing so makes you invisible to left-turning motorists at intersections. Passing on the right means that the vehicle you're passing could also make a right turn right into you, too.

5. Slow down. If you can't make eye contact with the driver (especially at night), slow down so much that you're able to completely stop if you have to. Sure, it's inconvenient, but it beats getting hit.

[RoadRaven]

Like Annie, this has taken several reads through to process and be ready to respond... and I have nothing insightful to add... only how dreadfully I feel for you and all those involved...

We had the death of a member in our club earlier this year, caused by bikes colliding, no car involved... by boy is it hard to process something like this.

Definately seek a counsellor, it can really help to have somebody who is outside the situation to unload on...

My thoughts are with you, as are so many from here at TE.

[bikerchick68]

Silver... how scary and traumatic to witness this horrific loss of life... a sad day for all to be sure...

I work with a Crisis Response Team and you've definitely received some good advice already here... I want to post one link that you may find helpful, specifically about the grieving process:

http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

your feeling that he didn't "look" like his injuries were that bad is very, very normal... the denial part of grieving... internal injuries are not visible to the eye, so the normal assumption is that the person will be fine. You may go in and out of the stages of grieving... and there is no "set" timeline in which this will happen. You may be angry one day, despondent the next... then angry again. If you find that you feel stuck in the process, seek help. A self help group... a counselor, whatever assistance you can find. You can call your local Hospice and ask for referrals... here there are an abundance of groups available.

Also, here is another link you may like to have... an online grieving sight that has been checked and cleared for us to use as a referral by our local police dept...

www.groww.org

they have online memorials plus message boards where others may have experienced the same type of loss.

hugs to you...

[mary9761]

(((((((Silver)))))))) I hadn't heard about this accident before you posted. Where did this happen? Were you down in Bloomington? I'm so sorry for you, the rider and his friends and family.
Do you still plan on going to the Hilly? If you are still coming, look for me in the snackbar area at registration and I will give you a REAL HUG to replace the virtual hug I just gave you.