Whining about work and dh (I'm probably PMSy)

[rocknrollgirl]

I am going home and kiss my DH, I married a gem and I am soooooo blessed. If a hand went up in my face, it would pull back missing a finger or two. I understand stress, but thatis really rude.

GRRRHHHH!!!!

Ruth

[limewave]

Okay, now I feel bad because everyone thinks DH is a jerk, and he's really not bad. But he does have his days. I'd go on about his knight-in-shining armor moments but the pooper is crying at my feet. She has a cold . . .

[iFKA]

You can't fix him. He's gotta do that himself.

But you can fix you. Take the break. Take a day or two off of work to just do stuff you like. Take a night or a Saturday off from the house with a friend who makes you laugh. .

Totally agree with ester... I'm not married but I'm living with my boyfriend almost a year and here how it goes...

He loves me very much but he's not guy who knows how to say it. "Love you" out of his mouth is a shock for my organism and I miss that cause I'm the youngest child so I received nice words and attention all my life. On the other hand every once in a while he surprises me with flowers or with little gifts or something like that that tells me how much he loves me.

It's important to look the better side. We all have flaws. I can also see he's lovin' me when I have PMS, he tolerates my naggin' and all other pms side affects.

And about socks... As far as he's concern they can be in the livin' room until the more than 10 flies come. It possible that he'd react after 10th fly. But we found compromise cause it's quite degrading for me to carry his dirty socks to dirty laundry room. We bought one little part of furniture (we call it tabure... people usually relax their legs on it when they're sittin' in a armchair) ... that has inner department that no one can notice so he puts his socks in it and when I'm washing laundry I take it out of that compartment. It's not worth it to argue about silly things like that.

Also, when I'm learning (one week before my exam) the house is dreadful but I don't care. When I'm not learning in that period I'm relaxing cause my brain needs some rest and I'm not even tryin' to clean all day and after that learning again. No way...

[mimitabby]

that hand thing reallly put people off. What's up with that? but i understand.
My husband has done some things... embarrassed me in front of my friends..
po'ed my sister beyond repair (I think)

but he makes up with it in other ways.

[esther231]

My thought was that it sounded worse than it is or she would have knocked his block off a long time ago.

One way to handle it, if it's getting on her nerves - cause stuff that doesn't annoy you at first can really annoy you later - might be with a sense of humor instead of anger.

If my DH did that more than once, I would call him space man when I needed to ask him for help or whatever. Just takes the charge out of it. And hopefully will make him laugh at himself a bit instead of immediately jump to defend himself.

Lime, all men are a bit strange if you ask me. They just don't think like we do. And they never will. So, your DH has nothing on my DH. I could write a book about the things he does that annoy me to death.

But I still would walk 20 miles to be near him if need be. (complaining all the way)

[rocknrollgirl]

You all are probably right, it was the hand thing...and sorry the pooper has a cold, that always makes me feel for both mommy and baby.

I learned a long, long time ago what was important for me as far as household issues. My DH is such a wonderful guy and is so good to me that I gave up caring 20 years ago if he has a messy closet. We don't share one so who gives a rat's behind. The man held my mom up while she was barfing from chemo....come on now....how can I get mad over socks......

Gotta pick those battles...right now he is on the phone, working a deal for my new Titus Racer X... I LOVE THAT MAN!!!!!

Ruth

[chickwhorips]

i know how it goes. i've been in the same boat where i just wanted to scream at BF. we've been living together for 2 years now. i did what esther said. i took a step back and changed some things about me. i don't think DH is a bad guy, no more than i think DBF is on his bad days.

its so difficult living with someone. you no longer have to think for yourself, but for another too (not to mention a sick wee one who i hope feels better soon.)

hope you enjoy your relaxing day. you deserve it!

[limewave]

Thanks again for the support and advice. Sometimes I just need to vent. Socks really aren't a big deal--that's why I whined online instead of DH. No need to get into an argument over something not important.

He does get into these spells where he stops contributing to the household duties and works really long hours. I think its because he's so stressed out at work. He has his own business--which is more pressure than I can even imagine. I try to be the supportive wife, but sometimes it gets to me too.

Anyways . . . I do have to give it up to DH. When we were engaged he came to many a gynecological appointment with me (ovarian cancer scare) and even kept a straight face when getting lectured about different "positions" by an oncologist who looked like someone's grandfather. And, he's never hesitated to run and get me tampons or vagisil or pads so large they look like diapers at 2 AM. So yea, he's not so bad

[Kano]

He does get into these spells where he stops contributing to the household duties and works really long hours. I think its because he's so stressed out at work. He has his own business--which is more pressure than I can even imagine. I try to be the supportive wife, but sometimes it gets to me too.

Oh, Limewave......

Oh dear, this is going to be long -- back story that if I could figure out how to shorten it a bit and maybe make some sort of coherent story here...

Yes, if it's his own business, I KNOW what you're living with -- Mine, who is the same one who was so proud of himself for getting a laundry basket that HE takes to the laundry room (IF I'm out of town and it's full to overflowing) had his own business for several years. There IS no downtime when you do that. I remember Earl being at work for 16 hours many days, and sometimes for like 40 hours straight when deadlines were coming. He'd go to work at 4 in the morning sometimes, so he could work a while before phones would start ringing, because once they did, he felt like he didn't get anything done the rest of the day.

He had partners, and they had several employees, so in many ways the responsibility wasn't just to supporting his own wife and children (yes, mine were little like your mini-wave). In many ways, he was responsible for the well-being, of 16 families. Having your own business is a 24/7 job if you're going to be good at it. And I'm pretty certain you wish you had at least six more hours and three more days in each week too!

Business climate for small start up companies being better in rural Minnesota than in the "big city," he also uprooted us from family and friends. Fortunately, I was able to continue being an at-home mom (unlike you) because there was NO way he could/would have helped out around the house. He did help some when we painted the house, and when we re-built the deck to make it bigger. He HATED that sort of work -- just not his thing, but he wasn't having anything to do with me on the extension ladder doing the second story of the back side of the house (gee, he DOES care!) even though it scared the bejeezus out of him to be up there. On the other hand, that was far less than a quarter of the house, I had to work on it while the girls were napping, or before they got up in the morning -- and I got an awful lot of the deck building too, along with snow shoveling, lawn mowing, plumbing, electrical, septic system maintenance (is that plumbing?) and just about every bit of kid-tending. Grocery shopping was a day-trip.

So, long story short, it's a REALLY stressful life for him, given that he wants his business to succeed. Most likely, he really DOES need space and quiet (but probably puts the TV ridiculously loud!) because of all the demands for attention and action all day long. I DO understand why he wants to come home and "hide" as it were.

And it's a REALLY challenging life for you, being the support person to a small business owner. It's gotta be especially hard to have been at work all day and have to come home to chores. I think I remember reading somewhere back in this thread that it might be helpful to pick some things that you can live with letting go -- lawn a little longer, beds unmade(mites won't like this, which is good!), whatever makes life easier for both of you! Hang in there -- I consider that era a great learning experience, even though it was sometimes mighty miserable!

After several years, DH sold his business and had more free time. This was quite an adjustment for all of us!

You didn't mention how he is with mini-wave. Please tell him something for my husband -- he thought he had forever with the girls, and suddenly, our oldest was learning to drive. He tells his friends with small children now, to be sure to enjoy them, because it's over before you know it. I know they're probably both mighty tired when he gets home, but maybe bedtime stories? Little girls need to know their daddies love them!

Well, I suppose none of this fixes anything, but maybe it helps a little to know that there's someone out here who's lived what you're living and survived?

Karen in Boise

[Kano]

Regarding DH's special laundry basket:

So I'm dying to know where it is now and if it's full or not!

Slinkedog, the basket is down in the laundry room right now, and there's lots of laundry in the bedroom. Several years have passed, and I still wait to see if he will bring it downstairs when it's full. And I still take stuff from the floor down now and again and do laundry, and once in a while, I might take some stuff out of the basket to wash, but then I fill it back up again, like it was when I started digging around in it...

Karen in Boise