Thread Drift

[Crankin]

I really am not looking forward to being called a grandmother. People constantly ask me if I "can't wait" or if I have any "news." I know my younger son will have kids, probably in 2 or 3 years, but I don't know if my older son will. We don't ask or talk about it.
I find these questions just as obnoxious as the mommy talk. It's just another way of bragging around here. The bragging has progressed from athletic or musical talent, AP classes, college acceptance, jobs, grad school, girlfriends, marriage. Thankfully, I on't see these people much anymore, but I do run into them when I am out shopping, etc.

[kajero]

Crankin,

I apologize if I you felt I was bragging. I was just trying to point out

. . . If I don't feel like I am old . . . let alone almost 62 . .. how could my daughter be 36? And to have a baby???? It just doesn't seem right/fair. I still feel like I am the 36 year old!

But I did get disgusted when people asked if I was ever going to be a grandma. It really wasn't any of their business. Besides, what was I supposed to do about it anyway?

[Dogmama]

I never had kids but DH has two and one of those kids has two kids.

I call myself a "grandmother by proxy."

[shootingstar]

I never had kids but DH has two and one of those kids has two kids.

I call myself a "grandmother by proxy."

Same here, partner is grandfather of 2. One of them finally learned to bike at 11 yrs. Parents just never got around to motivating kid.

However I don't see myself even grandmother by proxy. But most definitely I am a proud aunt of 7 nieces and nephews with the eldest niece @26 yrs. I don't talk much about them with friends.

[Crankin]

Kajero, I didn't mean *you* were bragging. I meant people I know around where I live. I sometimes see some of them when I occasionally get my nails done at one of those cheapo nail places, or in the grocery store. And, I agree, it's none of my business and I don't give advice unless asked. Younger son recently told me they would probably have kids when his wife graduates and starts working as an RN, and he is still in school, as it will help with child care. My DH was a stay at home dad (though not with him) and we discussed how this really affected his viewpoint on fathering and how I thought it was a great idea for my son. He will be a great parent. So would my other son, but his wife had a very dysfunctional upbringing and I think she is scared.

[OakLeaf]

Thanks for the good wishes, all. MIL and SIL are struggling so hard, each in their own way, it's just so incredibly sad that they can't be any support to each other. I'm honestly not sure how much DH is helping either ... it really seems to me that MIL needs space and privacy before she'll even allow herself to grieve, but if I ask DH to come home he'll think I'm just being selfish. SIL had a major meltdown after the funeral and he sat with her for a while ... niece thinks that helped, anyway. Maybe he'll be home before my birthday in November. But if I was running on empty after five days with his family, he's not going to have anything for me emotionally for months, anyway. I am so ready to see my therapist next week ...

The one thing about this funeral, after 19 years together I am finally starting to feel like part of his family.

[lph]

Aw, I'm sorry your dh and in-laws are struggling, Oak. It sounds like you are able to pull away a bit at least.

[Crankin]

One thing I've learned is that everyone grieves differently. I think giving space is a good idea. I had people thinking I didn't care when my mom died, but truthfully, I was just being pragmatic, which is the way I handle most of these events. What kept me level headed was thinking about how my mom would want me to act. My mom was sick for a very long time, with a failed liver transplant, etc. and I prepared myself mentally by sort of visualizing what I knew would happen, after a certain point.
It's good your DH can be of support to them now, but I hope he comes home to give you support!

[Pax]

Happy Birthday, Catrin!!

[emily_in_nc]

It's Catrin's birthday?

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !

[Crankin]

MY COUNSELING LICENSE WAS APPROVED!
Now I can put all of those letters after my name.

Crankin, MA, LMHC

[snapdragen]

Congratulations!

[Catrin]

Crankin - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a quiet birthday, I took the afternoon off work and started it with a workout. I had NO idea how long THAT would take My coach likes to challenge us on our birthdays, and our age always fits in there. I am 54 today...and I am not very good at rowing....so my "Birthday Metabolic Challenge" was to row 540 calories on the rower in 10 rounds with a 2-minute rest after each 54-calorie round. One can choose meters or calories as a metric - it isn't related to actual calories burned, unsure how it is calculated. The advantage of it is it does seem to be a bit better measure of energy rather than distance - obviously a taller person or someone with a very strong upper body will expend less effort in the same distance as a shorter/weaker rower.

Anyway, I DID my 540 calories and rowed 10,776 meters to meet that goal in 1:15 (counting all 2-minute rest periods) I had NO idea how long it would take or what I would feel like - so I did other things before hand - mainly deadlifting, KB swings and goblet squats. If I had realized I would have simply done my usual warmup, the deadlifting, and gone straight to the rower. Regardless, it was a great challenge for this 54-year old woman and I DID it

I don't normally get sore...I suspect that I might be for my usual group training tomorrow!

Yes, ice cream was part of my recovery - not much - but part of it You can't tell I am a single woman, can you?

[OakLeaf]

Woot woot! Congratulations Crankin! And happy birthday Catrin!

[thekarens]

Congrats Crankin!!!!

Happy Birthday Catrin!!