It's interesting that it is often hardest to have tough conversations with the people we're closest to, even they "should" be the easiest to talk to. There's such a desire not to hurt feelings, etc. I find that the most direct conversations are usually the best and most productive in the long run, even though they're not always easy. It's when things are NOT stated directly that there is a lot of room for misunderstanding and such.

Perhaps the place to start is by telling her how much you have enjoyed cycling with her and how much satisfaction you get from an activity that you began together. Then you can go on to talk about how your cycling goals have changed and evolved. I think that others' suggestions of setting aside one ride a week with her is a good idea. It will allow you to continue to share the cycling experience together. If she's as good a friend as you say, then getting everything out on the table will probably help clear the air.

I can empathize with both of you to a certain extent. I've only been riding a very short time; my husband has been riding for years and is a pretty strong rider. Fortunately, he likes to ride with me even tho' it is a VERY leisurely ride for him. As he says, "I don't have to ride fast to enjoy it; I just want to be on the bike." (I'm so lucky!!) The way we've made it work for both of us is that we drive to a nearby state forest to ride. We ride anywhere from 10 to 24 (my max so far) miles together; then I drive home and he does a hard, fast 10+ mile ride home.

On the other side, I'm also a runner. I've run a half-marathon with a friend two times. This year she couldn't run because of an injury; I had my best run so far. And now I've set a goal for myself for next year's event and I know the only way for me to have the best race possible is to do the whole thing on my own. I've learned I have to be very careful about my pacing; even starting with her is likely to throw me off for the duration. I'm faced the need to talk to her about our not running together. I know she'll be fine with it, but it's still a tough conversation to have.

I wish you all the best with this. If she's as good a friend as you say she is, I'm sure the two of you will be able to work this out without hurting your friendship.

newbiechick
aka Shelley