Dear a*sh**e who stole my iPod:

Koorogi was my companion. It had music from all the many stages of my life on it, and countless memories. On that iPod, I could tell you so many landmarks in my life- the song that was playing when I touched my husband the first time, the song that was playing when I was thrown off my bike into a tree (and it never skipped!) My first Pink Floyd. My first techno cd. The graduation song from my high school. The songs that played as my husband and I talked all night long... the night we decided to part ways. The song that played as I danced behind my girlfriend and thought about how I could tell her how beautiful I thought she was- without coming off like a dork. ...the songs that helped me through the dark times I had after moving away from everything I knew, and the songs that brought me back to life like a phoenix.

I know you'll only get about $75 for it at a local pawn shop, and you'll probably use the money to pay for your meth habit, which is punishment enough because your teeth are probably rotten from it, and you're desperate for your addiction, but was it really worth breaking into our cars at 4am down some dusty little gravel road?

Mr thief, I want you to know that even though I'm not a christian, I forgive you... but the next time you come to our house, if my partner sees you again and I can make it downstairs before you get to your car, I will have a baseball bat waiting for you, and lemme tell ya, I can book it.

However, thank you for not having the time to steal my bike. The iPod I miss, but I would have been devastated at the loss of my bike. It was the first time I had it unlocked in six months, because I took her for a quick ride that morning, only 6 miles through the hills, cleaned her chains and set her next to my partner's bentup little steed... and after you ran off, I saw her leaned up next to the carport's wall.

You're a dirty man, with a lousy life, but don't steal my sh*t to make up for it or prolong your addiction.