Dear So and So

[Lise]

Dear SUV owners:

I know you are very bummed that the bank won't give you another mortgage so you can put enough gas in your vehicle to drive to the gas station. I understand that you must leave it parked on the street. But would you please fold in the mirror so it doesn't take up most of the bike lane? I am sure I'm going to be clipped by one of those things some day.

Thanks so much,

Snotty Bike Commuter.

[Dogmama]

Dear SUV owners:

But would you please fold in the mirror so it doesn't take up most of the bike lane?

Dream on!

I have one:

Dear Cops:

Did they tell you at your morning donut round-up that cars must give bikes 3 feet distance? So, how about it? Next time I can pick my teeth in some redneck's mirror - how about putting down the donut & giving him a little ticket?

Signed,

Resident in a "Bike Friendly Community"

[mtkitchn]

Dear Landscape People,
I understand that you must park on the bike lane to do your job trimming trees, raking rocks and using your polluting leaf blowers to blow stuff all over creation (what do those things really do anyway, except move dust from one yard to another?). Would you please turn off the leaf blower as I'm passing and not blow rocks in my face? And is there any possible way you can clean all the tree branches and crap you've created out of the bike lane? That sidewalk looks real pretty, but nobody uses it anyway.

[salsabike]

Dear Contractor,

I am really excited about our pending house expansion, especially about getting a weaving studio for me, new rooms, skylights, a porch, etc. And I've seen your work in several places so I know you do a good job. The only thing that really scares me is the money part. Could you please find someone ELSE to pay for the whole thing? Thanks!

I remain, best regards, etc.

PS And could you also a) find someone else to pack/unpack and move all the stuff on the first floor, including the seven full bookcases, or b) wave a magic wand and just have it be done. We are not looking forward to living in the little basement bedroom with its many spiders for five months. Much appreciated!

[fixedgeargirl]

Dear Guy Throwing the Partially Full Pepsi Can Out Your Car Window,

What are you thinking? Oh, I am assuming you have that capability. Silly me.

Yours,

Bewildered Motorist Behind You

P.S. How did you manage to chuck that thing all the way across the front seat of your land yacht to toss it out the passenger window? And why?

[Dogmama]

Dear Landscape People,
And is there any possible way you can clean all the tree branches and crap you've created out of the bike lane? That sidewalk looks real pretty, but nobody uses it anyway.

Amen Sister!

[Beth-Ro]

Dear Parents of the Kid with the bb gun,

Would you please consider revoking your 12-year-old son's bb gun priviledges? He doesn't seem to have the capability of grasping the "don't point that thing at people" concept. Being a "people" type, I don't particularly enjoy being shot at while trudging up the grunt hill past your single-wide trailer. To be quite blunt, your son is not very neighborly when he uses us for target practice.

Regards,

The cycling group that is now avoiding your street

PS. Were your son my youngun, he'd not be hanging out with the older boy who "encourages" his bad behaviour. He would also have more supervision, less weaponry, and better manners.

[DrBee]

Dear muscles on my shins,

Please stop hurting. I know that you like riding the bike, but we need to work on running, too. If you cooperate and feel better then I can walk around like a somewhat normal person again, instead of hobbling around. I'll give you some time in the jacuzzi tonight, ok? Will that help? Tomorrow we will try to run again. Hopefully you will cooperate.

[maillotpois]

Dear muscles on my shins,

Please stop hurting. I know that you like riding the bike, but we need to work on running, too. If you cooperate and feel better then I can walk around like a somewhat normal person again, instead of hobbling around. I'll give you some time in the jacuzzi tonight, ok? Will that help? Tomorrow we will try to run again. Hopefully you will cooperate.

Dear Fishdr:

Running stinks.

Love,

Reformed marathon runner