Dear Front Derailleur,

I know you are infatuated with the chain rings. However it is not your place to be down amongst them. You have been repeatedly bolted into place and yet you insist on slipping down to romp with them. I have decided to resort to more drastic measures to ensure you stay where you belong. You will not be allowed to bring another ride to halt with your desperate need to be caressed by the chain rings. It's not good for you and it disrupts the normal course of the chain. You need to stop being so self centered and think of others.

Sincerely,

The Pedaler