Dear So and So

[Lise]

Dear Rollerbladers on the Chicago Lakefront Path, North Branch:

It has come to our attention that most of you haven't got the sense God gave a goose. Therefore we wish to inform you that the following behaviors are bad ideas while rollerblading on the lakefront path:

1. Talking on the phone
2. Walking your dog
3. Dancing
4. Taking up the entire side of the path
5. Listening to headphones, gesticulating wildly while singing (see above, dancing)

The civic-minded individual who brought these concerns to us has also suggested that we make the above behaviors illegal, and that she be allowed to use a tazer to enforce them. (No names, but she is very fond of dachshunds...we'll say no more...)

We suggested that she get off her high horse, remember that she is not the boss of us, and just avoid the darned path if it ticks her off so much.

Sincerely yours,

The Chicago City Council