Dear So and So

[Brandi]

oh that is a funny one! Mine would be
Husband please go upstairs so i don't have to share with you. I have a small handful of cadbury eggs left from easter and tey are in a good hiding place where he can't find them.

[DrBee]

Dear fishdr...

Big thanks for your mention of chocolate in your previous posts. I'm now obsessed with the thought of eating it and broke into my secret stash of Trader Joe's dark chocolate bars that were stealthily hidden in the freezer.

See - resistance is futile Bwaaaahaaahhaaaa... All part of my evil plan....


FWIW - my 2 yr old can detect the smell of chocolate on my breath and immediately says "want some" - insistantly. I totally understand.

[Nanci]

Dear Dillbird,

Thanks for not causing a single problem on our trip to Chattanooga. Thanks for not having a cooing attack in the hotel room. Thanks for being perfectly housebroken! Thanks for not bursting out of your travel arrangements in the truck. Thanks for waiting patiently for me to do a nine and a half hour ride before you could have dinner.

Love, Nanci

[Lise]

Dear Dillbird,

Thanks for not causing a single problem on our trip to Chattanooga. Thanks for not having a cooing attack in the hotel room. Thanks for being perfectly housebroken! Thanks for not bursting out of your travel arrangements in the truck. Thanks for waiting patiently for me to do a nine and a half hour ride before you could have dinner.

Love, Nanci

Awwwwwwwwwwwww..........

I love his WWII sleeping bag. What's the story behind that? L.

[Lise]

Dear Rollerbladers on the Chicago Lakefront Path, North Branch:

It has come to our attention that most of you haven't got the sense God gave a goose. Therefore we wish to inform you that the following behaviors are bad ideas while rollerblading on the lakefront path:

1. Talking on the phone
2. Walking your dog
3. Dancing
4. Taking up the entire side of the path
5. Listening to headphones, gesticulating wildly while singing (see above, dancing)

The civic-minded individual who brought these concerns to us has also suggested that we make the above behaviors illegal, and that she be allowed to use a tazer to enforce them. (No names, but she is very fond of dachshunds...we'll say no more...)

We suggested that she get off her high horse, remember that she is not the boss of us, and just avoid the darned path if it ticks her off so much.

Sincerely yours,

The Chicago City Council

[Bron]

Ok, I´ve got back from a ride, so here goes:

Dear Driver,

I am sure that you found it very amusing that I fell off my bike in front of you. I understand that it was pure incompetance on my part that left me getting closer to the road than I had intended. I don´t suppose that it occurred to you to ask if I was ok, so I´ll let you know that I am.

Thanks for not asking, Bron

[Nanci]

Dear Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia,

Thank you for being so beautiful and having such perfect weather on Saturday. Thank you for allowing me to ride all three difficult mountains with only a quarter mile of walking on a 22% grade. Thanks for not letting the squirrel I screamed at get hit by either bikes or cars. Thanks for the baby mule. Thanks for the gorgeous bridge over the Tennessee River, and the mountaintop view of it form Alabama!

Nanci

[Nanci]

I bought it on eBay! It's from WWll, part of this whole two-pigeon carrier thing. The two sleeping bags go inside a bamboo cage that takes apart and turns into a pen with a net over it.

Nanci

[Lise]

I bought it on eBay! It's from WWll, part of this whole two-pigeon carrier thing. The two sleeping bags go inside a bamboo cage that takes apart and turns into a pen with a net over it.

Nanci

That. Is. So. Cool.

Was it for messenger (carrier) pigeons?

[Veronica]

Dear Nice Bicyclists and Cute Guy in the Truck,

Thank you for asking me if I needed help, not insisting on helping when I declined and for not being psycho axe murderers.

Veronica

[Veronica]

Dear Front Derailleur,

I know you are infatuated with the chain rings. However it is not your place to be down amongst them. You have been repeatedly bolted into place and yet you insist on slipping down to romp with them. I have decided to resort to more drastic measures to ensure you stay where you belong. You will not be allowed to bring another ride to halt with your desperate need to be caressed by the chain rings. It's not good for you and it disrupts the normal course of the chain. You need to stop being so self centered and think of others.

Sincerely,

The Pedaler

[Nanci]

No, it was from the actual Swiss Army, who, along with many other countries, most noteably the US, England and France, used homing pigeons to carry messages from where the soldiers were back to their bases.

Nanci

[rocknrollgirl]

Dear Youths on the Garden State Parkway,

Please refrain from doing an exit to the right across three lanes of traffic at 70 miles an hour. It is not good for this middle aged mt bike chick just trying to get her sweaty butt home.

And if you do repeat this in my presence, please do not flip me the NJ state bird when I lay on the horn.....

[mmelindas]

Dear God of body parts,

While I am grateful for still having all of mine, I request a "stop work order" on the rebellious ones which are plotting to renovate themselves: I may have small boobies (despite hours of dedicated standing on my head in a futile attempt to enlarge them) but I would like very much to keep them intact vs mastectomy or lumpectomy.... (well, if you'd spring for Dolly Parton reconstruction surgery, I might quit whining, but scaring the crap outta me with hiden lumps in both is NOT nice!!)

And by the way, what's with this vaginal bleeding thing years after menopause? That's totally uncalled for - it has killed sex, biking, summer plans, and swimming, while waiting for the Gyn doc to rip my works out and leave me bedridden, at the mercy of DH and DS (who will have to wait on me hand and foot post hysterical-ectomy...and I know those two, they'll eat chocolate in front of me and laugh, while not sharing, just because they know I can't get up and beat the duwhanggy out of both of them....)

Then there's the back thingy.... can't I have just one week of night's painless sleep without having to get up and hunt for those good drugs to put me out of my misery for a few hour's sleep? Why did you inflict a MRI on me for that stuff? Do you realize that when they stuff fat ladies into that high tech radiology tunnel, their arms are mashed so tight against them they go to sleep?

Say, while I am talking to you, can I trade in this huge thing that is dragging along behind me (which makes my pants look like 300 pounds of beans stuffed into a five pound bag) -- can I trade it for a nice tight, small bootie? I am tired of getting it stuck in those tiny theatre seats!!

And hey, about those "stray eyebrows" I have to rip out of my neck and chin before going out in public - they are such a pain! Why don't you keep them on my real eyebrows which now have all of two hairs in them? And let''s talk about that third chin...was that nice to do to me? Two were enough, thank you!

Finally, let me tell you that farting is NOT funny when you are an old woman and you already have to deal with wet panties and gigantic Depends undergarments.... it's bad enough to smell "old" without knocking off those in close proximity with errant unexpected explosions, ....and would you please give me a warning ahead of time so I can at least yell, "fire in the hole!"

In fact, what about giving me a new body? I earned it, I have lived 62 years without killing anybody ...and raised three sons who are not jailbirds, and am nice to all kinds of wildlife... I don't flip anybody the finger, and I have tolerated other people's bratty kids and those dang politicians all my life...

Signed sincerely (and pleadingly), Mmelindas

P.S.
I'd take anything female that weighs in a 125 lbs and was healthy

[Brandy]

Dear Grandma...

I really love you and I appreciate it so much when you watch my kids. Could you please stop feeding them doughnuts, allowing them unlimited visits to the cookie jar, walking them to the convenience store for candy and giving them soda after soda when they're in you're charge. They're freaking maniacs when I get them back. I know that you love them, but I'll tell you a secret that might help you from getting so exhausted when you watch them. They're a lot easier to deal with when they're not on a sugar high!

Sign me...

BRUSH YOUR TEETH...YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!