Oh my, how long of a dissertation do you want on Depression and SSRI's???

My depressive "crash" was a major factor in my mid-life crisis. I would literally stand in the shower and SOB! I would wake up at 2 AM and not be able to get back to sleep - and SOB. I thought about how my life and marriage was going to continue to be one unending desert of boredom, unhappiness and lack of love - and SOB. I lost 27 pounds (no appetite for me was waaaaaay abnormal - I would have 5 bites and feel literally sick to my stomach) I power-walked to try to run away from it, but exercise wasn't enough. It got to the point where on my 5 AM walks I would hear a car coming behind me and think-- gee, I'd only have to take one big sudden step to the left....

It took me a month or two to figure out what this was, and took me another couple months to figure out that it was NOT going to go away by itself. I thought I could beat it, and didn't want to have to do medication, but a very wise physician pointed out to me that since this is a biochemistry thing, that trying to 'willpower' my way out of it made as much sense as a diabetic or a person who was hypothyroid trying to "bootstrap" themselves out of their condition!

I got a counselor and agreed to medication because a dear friend admitted to me that she was on medication and I saw how much it had helped her. IF she hadn't said that - who knows- I could be dead by now.

Because of that, I try to be VERY open about that fact that I take daily medication for Depression. I have been on Zoloft for almost 4 years and experimented with adding a tad of Welbutrin last year. I got a divorce, applied and was accepted to medical school, and I am the happiest that I ever remember being in my life!

It's not magic - I also took some hard looks at my life and my approach to it, did some spiritual reawakening, and some self-esteem re-assessment, but I am totally not the same person that I was 10 years ago. In retrospect, I think that I was teetering on the brink of depression for many years ( called Dysthymia), and it took the final fall into the abyss for me to recognize it. It was one of the hardest periods of my life, but I wouldn't give it back, because it was also a turning point.

So if anyone recognizes some of these symptoms in themselves, please, please talk to a doctor or counselor ---- it could change - or SAVE-- your life!

Sleeplessness (or excessive sleeping)
Excessive irritability or anger
Guilt or anxiety
Emotional lability (mood swings)
Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
Lack of interest in things that you used to enjoy
Sudden gain or loss of weight/loss of appetite
Thoughts of suicide

/steps down off soapbox