making drastic changes in life

[ny biker]

I wonder about what it would be like to be alone, sometimes. We've been together for 26 years and while many decisions are easy because we have so much in common, others can be a bear because we have different timetables or ideas about the future.

Do you ever find, without having someone to bounce ideas off of, that you can be prone to over-analysis paralysis?

Yes. Combine that with the fact of only 24 hours in a day and no one to split household tasks with, and there are plenty of important things that never get done.

[Pax]

Yes. Combine that with the fact of only 24 hours in a day and no one to split household tasks with, and there are plenty of important things that never get done.

I know when my honey had her hysterectomy and I had to do everything for a few weeks, it felt overwhelming. I eventually starting letting things slide because I ran out of hours in the day.

[rocknrollgirl]

Hi All,
Early on in this thread I mentioned that we were checking out area for possible retirement. So now we are in western NC. It ticked a lot of boxes on paper so we wanted to come check it out. It is a beautiful area of the country. It reminds me of the Adirondacks in NY. There seems to be good trail accessibility and lots of outdoor stuff to do. I am not sure how anyone could cycle here, the roads are SUPER scary.

The cost of living sure would be a huge bonus for us, but I do have a few concerns about living here, and I do not mean to offend anyone, so please keep that in mind.

I think it may be a bit conservative for me. Although all of the people we have chatted with have been lovely, there seems to be a very strong religious thread running here and we are not religious at all. Down the road that may be a problem. Also I did not expected to see people flying rebel flags. I know that should not bother me, but on some level it does. So maybe this is too far south for a girl that grew up in the northeast? I do not know.

Maybe I should not worry about the religion thing but we had a blow up with our best friends of almost 25 years this winter over religion and it shook me. Over the years as they were raising their family they have become super conservative. It never really bubbled up because we have been friends for so long and because we are always doing stuff. And then I showed them a picture of us at 14,000 feet last summer hanging prayer flags atop a peak out west to honor my Mom. And then it hit the fan
So it has made me gun shy. It probably did not help that when they were saying grace before dinner when the said amen, I said Ommmmmm. I just could not help myself.

But It sure si beautiful country and they have a kicking farmer's market!

[Crankin]

I will answer you, based on my personal experience, living in the south and the west, as a northeastener.
When I moved to Miami as a teen, it was the height of the late 60s. All I saw, sort of blended in to the urban/suburban landscape, were Confederate flags, KKK signs not that far out of town, and other kids telling me I was going to hell because I was Jewish. It was such a culture shock, I didn't speak to my dad for months. Fast forward a few years, when I moved to AZ. That was fine at first. I also had my sheltered little world in a university town and my friends from the Jewish Community Center. Work was full of super conservative teachers and students from one particular religion. I had a great job, a house in a very desireable area, and lots of friends. But in the end, I wanted my kids to grow up with the values I grew up with. It just felt super hard to do it in AZ, as the political climate became increasingly repressive. I think it would have been easier in Tucson, which is more liberal.
I have been enamored of the climate and other recreational activities in quite a few places I have visited, but I know I could never live there. Hence, my list is very short when it comes to places I could actually live. I love where I live and we decided about 5 years ago, we are never moving. This is why we are now living in a smaller townhouse that is paid for. We will travel and maybe buy a small 2nd home in western MA, but I learned a long time ago that there's more to a place than the scenery.

[rocknrollgirl]

but I learned a long time ago that there's more to a place than the scenery.

Yep. I do like it where we live, we are just concerned that it will not be sustainable in retirement. Oh well, time will tell.

[Crankin]

That is why we have downsized now. We don't have any bills except utilities and our condo fee and our own fun!

[emily_in_nc]

RnR, as a North Carolinian, I will comment. I totally, completely get what you are saying. I was born and raised in Raleigh, the state capital, a university town, and much more progressive than either western or eastern NC. There are a few well-known "blue" enclaves in NC, and these tend to be much more tolerant of all forms of diversity (in religion, sexuality, etc. etc.) (I am also not religious.) I always thought Asheville, in the western part of the state, and probably where you are looking, would be included on this list, but according to this site: https://www.roadsnacks.net/these-are...orth-carolina/, it is not. However, there is a strong artistic community there, and it is always thought of as a diverse and progressive city.

I have lived in each of the four top cities on the list from the site above, and I can vouch for them. They also have better cycling than the western part of the state, which is mountainous, roads are skinny, most have no shoulders, and very short sight lines. It's absolutely beautiful, but I don't feel comfortable riding in most places in western NC. We own a small piece of property in the NW corner of the state, on a river, and I would not ride my road bike there. I only ride my MTB on the dirt road the property is on, which is very rural and a dead end road.

The cycling in the Piedmont is much better, though you will still run into the occasional problem with loose dogs, rude drivers (who tend to be driving the huge pickup trucks), etc. The rural areas of the Piedmont are a lot more conservative than the cities themselves.

So, you might want to check out Chapel Hill, Carrboro, Hillsborough, and Durham. I am partial to Hillsborough, as it is the smallest of these cities, but they all have their good and bad points. Durham, to me, would be the least cycling friendly of the four. Chapel Hill and Carrboro have the university, some bike lanes and paths, a good farmer's market, lots and lots of crunchy granola types, runners, cyclists, outdoor activities. I love this area and would certainly live there again if the opportunity arises. Chapel Hill is the most expensive of these cities but probably very decent by your northeastern standards.

I know you are a trail runner, and I think you would find places to run in all of these communities. I suspect Umstead Park (which is in Raleigh) is the nicest park for trail running (I've MTB'd there but not run), but I am sure there are many others I am not even aware of.

If you have any questions I can help with, feel free to ask!