feeling defeated ughh...

[smilingcat]

I wish I didn't get these angst. It's very counterproductive. Maybe what I lack is chutzpah. Thinking of the farm and how to run it, setting up is such a daunting task, I've never felt more overwhelmed than now. In Japanese, this feeling is called kokoro bosoi (thin in spirit is literal translation).

Things are moving along but my confidence level is low. Marketing worries me to no end. What if no one wants it?
Then the logistics of setting things up that most never consider.
hand washing station with hot water and soap
washing station to clean the vegetables
sorting station
packing station
walk in cooler
ice machine
packing boxes, where to get them? and how expensive are they? an on and on...

Then there are the growing issues. Have coyotes, have gophers, field mice, and voles. We even had an elk trample about an acre of field just the other night. IT WAS AN ELK not deer.

I'm still getting acquainted with the tractor with all the hydraulic controls. And all the maintenance I have to do with grease gun (a thing to squirt grease into bearings so things run smooth). A fuel additive to the diesel so there is no bacterial or algae bloom.

setting up a drip irrigation system on 10 acres, setting up the green houses with all its vents, fans, control, tables...

I'm scared!! I can't remember last time I felt scared like this or kokoro bosoi (not hopeless). Times like this I wish I were the arch nemesis of Henri, the empty headed white cat.

Sometimes, I wish I could be like a guy without any training and who goes out drinking the night before an event and thinks he can ride the 100mile the next day. well maybe not delusional.

my rambling for the day

I wish I had to confidence to know that I can pull this thing off!

[ny biker]

It does sound daunting. Is anyone helping you?

Hang in there...