Dear So and So

[Crankin]

Repetition compulsion. It's hard not be compelled to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over, usually in relation to being the "rescuer" of someone who is struggling, or has some kind of emotional/physical health issues. Sometimes, jokingly named the "bad boy" syndrome. Like, when someone can't stay away from bad boy types.
Common in trauma survivors.

[Catrin]

Repetition compulsion. It's hard not be compelled to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over, usually in relation to being the "rescuer" of someone who is struggling, or has some kind of emotional/physical health issues. Sometimes, jokingly named the "bad boy" syndrome. Like, when someone can't stay away from bad boy types.
Common in trauma survivors.

Thanks Crankin, I've been thinking the same thing - I had some personal experience with this back in the day (I liked the bad boys). The man is missing a foot and has had several organs transplanted, and she is a nurse, so 6 months after our mom passed she is back in the "care giver" mode. She does appear very happy with everything so I am not about to rain on her parade without being asked/without evidence of abuse.

[Xrayted]

Thanks for your concern. She has serious mental issues that she needs to address. The mental games she played with me after the first few weeks was just unbelievable. After talking to a counselor and friends, I came to my senses and realized that she was really messing with me. The fact that she dumped me on the day my Mom's biopsy results came back because I couldn't give her my full attention, just reassures me that I made the right decision to walk away. She just happened to say it first. I'm okay and I have plenty of support here and outside of the area. Thanks.

As for your sister, she's a big girl. You can't show her a path that she isn't prepared to take yet. And what makes you think she isn't happy just because she took on a responsibility for another human being that you maybe wouldn't have? The nurse in her says this is right, the woman in her told her this is right, the human in her told her this is right. It may be right "right now" or "forever". No way to know. She is getting something out of it. He is too. As long as both agree that it works, just allow them to be happy. Not everyone who lives the way he was is a bad person. Most aren't. They just have had no one to be there when they needed it the most. I think whatever this guy went through, he still kept a roof over his head and in doing so, also kept a bit of his dignity. Allow him the rest and the bounce back now by giving him a bit of respect and encouragement. Don't look down on him, help raise him up. You seem to be on this path in your heart, now turn it into action. There are tons of people out there who just need someone to believe in them again and they will soar.

[Catrin]

Agreed Xrayted - and that is what I was actually trying to say. I was far more concerned about HIM before I actually met the man. Time will tell, but I am no longer concerned about him at this point. Everyone was concerned about him taking advantage of her, but I don't THINK that is what is happening. I am more concerned about her uncharacteristic behavior that has everyone scratching their heads, but she has had major changes in the past 6 months. She has chosen her path, and I hope that she has finally found a good path for her, she has had two horrible marriages. I don't live close, so I am not around from day to day.

[Sky King]

Call me old, but texting over phoning me after 10pm for non emergency stuff is inconsiderate. I keep my phone on "just in case" because I don't have a land line but am amazed at people who
think nothing of texting or leaving voice mail messages at a late night hour. I have taken to leaving it on vibrate and in the other room.

I even mentioned it to someone who called me at 11:30 the other night and she said "oh was it to late" hmmmmm how am I supposed to get my beauty sleep

[Helene2013]

same here. Our cell phone is our home phone. And I hate when it buzzed before I fall asleep for junk emails (like my phone company sending an SMS to tell me my monthly refill is coming up, then another one to tell me it has been approved!). I called them up and told them to send those during the day as I can't ban them and even "vibe" is annoying. I don't want to turn it off in case of emergencies (for me). I don't expect any E calls so I would not mind. But if I need to call in 911, I want my phone on! But some just don't get it that people have a life and are trying to get that beauty sleep.

[BikeDutchess]

I agree! I'm glad my phone has a Do Not Disturb setting that I use at night. You can program it so only calls/texts from certain people will buzz through (other texts will be silent and calls go to voice mail). I love it because I get a lot of bogus "Someone tried to access your Facebook account" texts at all hours.

[Jolt]

Call me old, but texting over phoning me after 10pm for non emergency stuff is inconsiderate. I keep my phone on "just in case" because I don't have a land line but am amazed at people who
think nothing of texting or leaving voice mail messages at a late night hour. I have taken to leaving it on vibrate and in the other room.

I even mentioned it to someone who called me at 11:30 the other night and she said "oh was it to late" hmmmmm how am I supposed to get my beauty sleep

I don't think that makes you "old"...that bugs me too! Short of an emergency (and given this, it always scares the heck out of me when somebody calls so late), there is no good reason to call after 10 pm, unless you know you're dealing with a night owl who will be up at that time. I am a morning person, so by 10 pm I am likely about ready to crash and not in the mood for a conversation.

[OakLeaf]

Heh Catrin, you could've been talking about me too. And I'm the farthest thing from a germophobe IMO! It's because I know I'm *not* particularly careful about not washing my hands before touching my face that I try to avoid touching public surfaces when I can. My parents' friend who works for the CDC quips that he'd be out of a job if people would only wash their hands. Being just a tiny bit careful about what's on my hands is the next best thing.

[emily_in_nc]

Thanks for your concern. She has serious mental issues that she needs to address.

Ooops, sorry -- I assumed "he" and may have missed your saying "she" in your post. Not that it matters, though I tend to think obsessive and/or mentally unstable men are a bit more likely to get violent/dangerous than obsessive women. Maybe just a stereotype, though!

[Xrayted]

Emily, there is no apology needed. I'm not offended. There is no reason to be. But I do agree, that men do tend to get the reputation of being more violent than women. I think because women go for the kill on emotions rather than physically. That can last much longer and be a much deeper pain in many ways. I've seen men destroyed forever by one bad woman in their lives over and over. I always wonder why people treat each other like that instead of just leaving and saying goodbye. ???

[Xrayted]

Okay, it's time to move forward and try to do what I actually moved to the PNW to do, live my life as I choose. Not dependent on anyone else's agenda or needs. Just mine for once. So.... I just applied at a Seattle area hospital for a job. I really like the UW system and it fits the type of place I've already been at for the last 7 years.
They even have the same retirement and I can add them together to keep building my current one. I really hope this happens. I really, really, really, really hope this happens. It's about time I get to live where I really wanted to for so long. I held back so that my ex could finish her own things. I've pieced my life back together after the devastation she left in her wake. She was thorough in her devastation but I can figure anything out and make it happen if I just put my mind to it. It's what I'm known for, the creative path to make it work.

Here I go... time to restart my life and take it in the direction that I want. As much as I give to others and help others, I've finally graduated to the place inside that says it's okay to give to and help me now.

[snapdragen]

Good luck X! Hope you get the job, finger crossed.