Negativity? Depression? How to make a friendship with doom and gloom?

[colorisnt]

That's an interesting way to handle it lph.

There are many reasons that this person means a lot to me. She's been good to me in the past but man, I just can't do much with her anymore. It's hard because it's like another person has replaced her. Apparently, her own mother and a good friend of hers (and mine) told her the EXACT same thing last week and she blew it off. I'm not sure how to help. She came back today having spent $200+ more over the weekend and is still complaining about her expenses. The difference is that today I said, "Yeah, well, maybe then you can set a budget for what you can spend." And she was all, "No, I needed x, y, z" for wants not needs. So, I told her, "Then I don't want to hear about you overspending. It's bothersome to me. It makes me worried about my own expenses since I worry about you." She went off in a huff, of course, but I felt better for saying it.

She's spent over $1000.00 since February. Is there a 12-step program for shopping? That's a month salary for her. I make almost double that because of my fellowship and I still can't spend like that!

[tulip]

Ultimately it's up to her to decide to change. You cannot make her change her behavior, be nicer, or stop shopping. Frankly, she might fall quite a bit further before she decides to take action, if she decides to do so. It is not your responsibility to rescue her. You can recommend she get help, even make calls for appointments, but that's about it. It sounds like she needs medication and therapy, but you cannot provide that. It's up to her.

[colorisnt]

Tulip,

Thanks. You're right. I can't change her. She has to want that.