...right out of your hair!

[KSH]

Thanks for the link, Grog. Good reading. I've been reflecting, this week, on my desire for the prestige of having a partner. The old idea that "I'll show the world I'm OK because so-and-so wants to be with me." What an abuse of another human being that really is. This guy who disappeared did not fit well with me, obviously. He had external aspects that met my desire for prestige and security. He reminded me of my dad, in good ways. He looks good on paper. We had physical "chemistry". He is an ex-pro baseball player, and listens to/watches sports a lot. But he showed no interest in my athletic endeavors. There would be no rides or runs with this guy. I was already wondering how I was going to date him and train for triathlons and my first century ride this summer.

He just did me a favor by taking himself out of the picture sooner rather than later. I would've appreciated the dignity of "good-bye", but there's another piece of evidence that we were not a good fit.

I stayed with my abusive ex for 5 years longer than I should have. The first episode of physical violence should have been the last. Of course, I had just sold all my furniture and moved in and told everybody that at last I'd found my soul mate, blah, blah, blah. Prestige. Couldn't admit I was wrong. What a powerful skill that is. To be able to say, "I was wrong".

By the time I was out of that, I was 30# overweight, I'd cut my hair to within an inch of my scalp, etc, every outward manifestation of misery possible. I found some new friends who are active, healthy, and working the 12 step program I've been part of for 21 years now, but had let that practice slide. So, now, six years later, here I am. An athlete. I'm active in my own spiritual and physical well-being. My hair's below my shoulders, and I can walk away from an unhappy end to a dating relationship with dignity and some sense of humor. Here sure beats there!

Here's to all of us who know the value of a good hard ride on a beloved bike. L.

Wow. What an amazing lady you are. To have gone through so much... and still have such a warm, wonderful spirit! And to be an athlete now... impressive!

I understand what you mean by "prestige". I would love telling people I was married... to be "in the club"... but the reality of it, was that it was a miserable hell.

I too could not be wrong. I had met my "soulmate"... a month after meeting we decided to get married. A year later, we did. The night before our wedding we were fighting, and this thought came into my head... "DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN". But, I had too much pride. My friends and family had come to Mexico, and I was not going to be the screw up again... I was not going to lose face by canceling the wedding. Now, I know... I should have lost my pride and sucked up being scrutinized by my loved ones.

Since getting a divorce (he left, thankfully)... I have LOST that need to be "in the club". I don't care about having the "prestige" of having a husband... or even a boyfriend. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I know if he wasn't around, I would be just fine.

Life can be GREAT not dealing with someone else's moods... whims...desires and needs. It's so nice to focus on what you need. Men can be good to have around (only a few of them!)... but there is nothing wrong with being without one. And, let's be honest... being alone is 100 times better than dealing with a man's sh*t!

Stay focused on you and your life... make yourself happy. If someone wants to join you, great. If not, then your life will be just as wonderful!