feeling defeated ughh...

[Crankin]

I am not sure if your post is in earnest/serious, or said in a slightly humorous way, because you are frustrated. If it's the latter, just wait for tomorrow. If this is more indicative of how you really feel, well, maybe you should think about what *really* is important and makes you happy.
I hate to tell you, but your advanced degree means sh*t most of the time. What you said about your sister leaves me feeling slightly uncomfortable. I have no knowledge of any of those subjects, and I am not "blissfully ignorant." In fact, I have 2 advanced degrees. Which, most of the time, mean nothing to the majority of the people in the world.

[lph]

This is neither here nor there, but smilingcat, your post reminded me a little of the time I was with a (female) co-worker up doing fieldwork on a glacier. Very basic stuff, just measuring the depth of the snowpack. It was minus 15 C, we were hours away from anyone else, and we couldn't get the ancient snowmobiles started. So there we stood, knee-deep in snow, with each our advanced degree in glaciology and geomorphology and cryo-this, that and the other, and were completely useless. I did the one thing I know how to do with an engine, which is change the spark plugs, and they still wouldn't start.

So of course we pulled out our cellphones and started calling ... all the guys we know

Moral being: you can have degrees coming out the back of your head, but they don't help much with real, everyday problems.

[ny biker]

I think you should go for a bike ride. If the weather is not right for a ride where you live, then go for a long walk.

[smilingcat]

I wish I didn't get these angst. It's very counterproductive. Maybe what I lack is chutzpah. Thinking of the farm and how to run it, setting up is such a daunting task, I've never felt more overwhelmed than now. In Japanese, this feeling is called kokoro bosoi (thin in spirit is literal translation).

Things are moving along but my confidence level is low. Marketing worries me to no end. What if no one wants it?
Then the logistics of setting things up that most never consider.
hand washing station with hot water and soap
washing station to clean the vegetables
sorting station
packing station
walk in cooler
ice machine
packing boxes, where to get them? and how expensive are they? an on and on...

Then there are the growing issues. Have coyotes, have gophers, field mice, and voles. We even had an elk trample about an acre of field just the other night. IT WAS AN ELK not deer.

I'm still getting acquainted with the tractor with all the hydraulic controls. And all the maintenance I have to do with grease gun (a thing to squirt grease into bearings so things run smooth). A fuel additive to the diesel so there is no bacterial or algae bloom.

setting up a drip irrigation system on 10 acres, setting up the green houses with all its vents, fans, control, tables...

I'm scared!! I can't remember last time I felt scared like this or kokoro bosoi (not hopeless). Times like this I wish I were the arch nemesis of Henri, the empty headed white cat.

Sometimes, I wish I could be like a guy without any training and who goes out drinking the night before an event and thinks he can ride the 100mile the next day. well maybe not delusional.

my rambling for the day

I wish I had to confidence to know that I can pull this thing off!

[ny biker]

It does sound daunting. Is anyone helping you?

Hang in there...