...right out of your hair!

[Running Mommy]

Hey Lise- You've got it right!! Clearly your head is 'screwed on straight" as my dad would say.
And yeah, when your not looking *the* guy will fall into your lap. And for some reason I have this feeling you will meet him on a bike.... hmmmm....
I'm not psychic but I *did* stay at a holiday inn last night! Oh wait, that was the Monte Carlo, oh well never mind..

And as for long stretches.... Well I've got the Sun Valley parkway here. 26 miles each way, no stops, nearly no traffic, mix of hills and flats, and a bike lane as wide as a car lane...
All that's missing is YOU!

[Geonz]

And... you can be celibate and share quarters with people who give you that security, too ( the emotional kind as well as the ones to bring you drinks and aspirin when you have the flu and come out and get you when cars take off your friends' back tire on the corners). I've maintained that I've been single for so long because I keep forgetting to be unhappy about it... and finding a guy smart enough to keep up with me and dumb enough to put up wiht me is a bit of a challenge :=-)

[Trek420]

Grog,

no fair getting us all pensive and such and then not telling us that you "got the guy".

So, howdja meet?

[bikerchick68]

I find men replaceable and changeable but a good bike is hard to find...
You will find a better one..I can feel it.

Oh My Gawd!!! PLEASE tell me I can have that made into to a license plate frame...??? Brilliant!

[Trek420]

bikerchick68 "Oh My Gawd!!! PLEASE tell me I can have that made into to a license plate frame...??? Brilliant!"

or a jersey

[Grog]

Grog,

no fair getting us all pensive and such and then not telling us that you "got the guy".

So, howdja meet?

heeeeeee.... believe it or not, he was the 'guy next door'. Or actually, five doors away. At the university college where I live (a graduate residence).

The first time I saw him he was dressed in bike clothes, helmet, sunglasses and all, coming back from a ride, going up the stairs with his nice Trek road bike in hand. I was going down these same stairs. All I found to say was 'Cool bike' (At least I didn't comment on the amazing legs )

Luckily I eventually had other occasions to get to know him better.

And by the way, for all times I said something about men or guys, you could of course replace that by women and gals. I want my hope to be fair for every type of girl out there!

[tprevost]

Hey Lise,

I've been reading your saga and just wanted to tell you what a great attitude you have. I know its probably not as straight forward as it is on paper but I think you are SO cool and I'm sure the perfect guy will show up when its time. I had my heart broken by someone I thought was my perfect soulmate and that time in my life was so miserable - hugely depressed, angry etc etc etc. However, looking back, I realized that getting over him was the biggest growth experience in my life. I also realized that I just didn't think I was worthy of him; my self confidence came through that healing period hugely improved.

Now we are good friends and he kicks himself for breaking my heart! In retrospect, if I had met him as I am now, we'd probably do great HOWEVER, in the interim, I really did meet my soulmate and I wouldn't want the darned heartbreaker anyway! HUMPH!!! (although, I do admit, its kinda fun knowing he knows he blew it! )

Just thought I'd share my story as an example of everything turning out okay in the end. Your happy ending is coming too!

Tracy

ps. Since you are doing your first century this summer, why don't you hoof it on over to Utah and do LRRH???? Come on Lise, its gonna be SO fun!!!

[ladyfish]

Lise, I've been reading this thread and that's the thought that popped into my head. "If you build it they will come". What to build? Yourself! Work at being healthy (biking, of course) and happy. Do what makes you happy. Walk around knowing that you are a great person, and people are better for knowing you. When you do that, you will find others will start recognizing your self confidence, and your happiness. That is sexy. Then when you aren't even thinking about it, "they will come"!!! Be happy being you. That's the most important thing. Everything else is just icing on the cake!!!

Have a wonderful life!!

[tprevost]

Well Said, Ladyfish!

T~

[KSH]

Thanks for the link, Grog. Good reading. I've been reflecting, this week, on my desire for the prestige of having a partner. The old idea that "I'll show the world I'm OK because so-and-so wants to be with me." What an abuse of another human being that really is. This guy who disappeared did not fit well with me, obviously. He had external aspects that met my desire for prestige and security. He reminded me of my dad, in good ways. He looks good on paper. We had physical "chemistry". He is an ex-pro baseball player, and listens to/watches sports a lot. But he showed no interest in my athletic endeavors. There would be no rides or runs with this guy. I was already wondering how I was going to date him and train for triathlons and my first century ride this summer.

He just did me a favor by taking himself out of the picture sooner rather than later. I would've appreciated the dignity of "good-bye", but there's another piece of evidence that we were not a good fit.

I stayed with my abusive ex for 5 years longer than I should have. The first episode of physical violence should have been the last. Of course, I had just sold all my furniture and moved in and told everybody that at last I'd found my soul mate, blah, blah, blah. Prestige. Couldn't admit I was wrong. What a powerful skill that is. To be able to say, "I was wrong".

By the time I was out of that, I was 30# overweight, I'd cut my hair to within an inch of my scalp, etc, every outward manifestation of misery possible. I found some new friends who are active, healthy, and working the 12 step program I've been part of for 21 years now, but had let that practice slide. So, now, six years later, here I am. An athlete. I'm active in my own spiritual and physical well-being. My hair's below my shoulders, and I can walk away from an unhappy end to a dating relationship with dignity and some sense of humor. Here sure beats there!

Here's to all of us who know the value of a good hard ride on a beloved bike. L.

Wow. What an amazing lady you are. To have gone through so much... and still have such a warm, wonderful spirit! And to be an athlete now... impressive!

I understand what you mean by "prestige". I would love telling people I was married... to be "in the club"... but the reality of it, was that it was a miserable hell.

I too could not be wrong. I had met my "soulmate"... a month after meeting we decided to get married. A year later, we did. The night before our wedding we were fighting, and this thought came into my head... "DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN". But, I had too much pride. My friends and family had come to Mexico, and I was not going to be the screw up again... I was not going to lose face by canceling the wedding. Now, I know... I should have lost my pride and sucked up being scrutinized by my loved ones.

Since getting a divorce (he left, thankfully)... I have LOST that need to be "in the club". I don't care about having the "prestige" of having a husband... or even a boyfriend. I have a wonderful boyfriend, but I know if he wasn't around, I would be just fine.

Life can be GREAT not dealing with someone else's moods... whims...desires and needs. It's so nice to focus on what you need. Men can be good to have around (only a few of them!)... but there is nothing wrong with being without one. And, let's be honest... being alone is 100 times better than dealing with a man's sh*t!

Stay focused on you and your life... make yourself happy. If someone wants to join you, great. If not, then your life will be just as wonderful!

[Lise]

You ladies are kind, generous, and wise. I'm proud to be among you. Thank you for sharing your experiences and encouraging words. There's a saying in Spanish, "Mejor sola que mal acompanada". It means better alone than with a bad partner. Sometimes my patients sit there with me, and some guy has really done them wrong. Occasionally I'll say that, mejor sola... and they smile, and nod, and know that I get it, too. It's good to be among those who understand.

You're right, Ladyfish. I built it (starting with that Schwinn from the alley), I rode my bike to heal my heart, and you all came! Always, when I move forward in faith, my heart opens more, and more joy comes in. L.

[KnottedYet]

"Be the person you want to find."

I saw that as a bumper-sticker, and then when I googled it I found out it was a book. Kinda along the lines of "if you build it they will come" but it also brings up the idea that sometimes we're looking for someone who as aspects we wish WE had; and it'd be better if we aquired those characteristics ourselves rather than trying to aquire a person who has them.

[Trek420]

Ain't it the truth.

As if to prove the point...to make a long story short my ex and I work for the same co, it's huge, don't worry TE gals, might as well be different companies.

The co has our own internal mail system. We are not and I mean not ever no way don't even think about using that for personal reasons.

So Friday I come back from break and there's this package on my desk. I'm thinking it's some kind of employee charity stuff, posters, forms whatever and open my line start taking calls...open it.

It's from my ex, she's moved in with new Gal Pal (who she probably met while still with me) and has found something that I haven't missed in 3 years and didn't need (as opposed to the stuff I actually wanted and she'd never called me back about).

No note, just stuff.

Poorly timed? Yep.
Insensitive? You betcha.
Lacking basic communication skills that G** gave a turnip? That too.

But ya know what? After a moment of sadness I thought "self?" I thought "that's one more reason you're best rid of her"

Besides I've got a waaaaay better bike than hers (it's shallow, I know but true), I put my athletic endeavors to the side for hers and 3+ years later I'm a better athlete, cyclist, I'm fitter and in better health than her....and have way better friends and I think more fun.

So Neener neener neener

[Lise]

not sure how to spell this, but here goes: uuccchhhhh! Sigh. A minor dent to the heart. They happen. You could rat her out for using the inter-office mail...

Glad to hear you're stronger than ever. Glad you're not trying to make a go of it with an insensitive turnip-brain with lousy timing. I mean. Seriously.

I see my ex sometimes. We don't speak. I know I look better than when we got together 12 years ago. I look stronger.

As far as the stuff you wanted back...I call it "chewing my tail off". I left a lot of stuff behind. It was worth it, to get out of the trap. It's just stuff. Glad you've made room for the real Ms. Trek. May it be so. L.

[Trek420]

Lise

"not sure how to spell this, but here goes: uuccchhhhh!"

close, it has one more "ch", it's uucccchhhhhh!

"You could rat her out for using the inter-office mail..."

Nah. I would never do that. I sent her a tactfull note reminding her once again that I've asked her to to call, e-mail or mail me at home not at work. I'd like to keep things civil. I'm actually good friends with my "ex-once removed", the relationship before this gal. I would not like things to be messy or nasty at all.

Trek-tact is my middle name-420

but she's dyed her once striking salt and pepper hair a non-descript brown because GF thinks it makes her look old
and .... I still have a way better bike ... and legs