What you say Lise about prestige is right, even if I probably would have used the word "security" instead. Emotional security, I mean.

I will not deny that one of the great advantages of sharing a life with someone is (or should be) occasional reassurance on self-worth. Having someone to hug you, to tell you 'I love you' and 'It's all going to be fine' is great on a tough day when feelings of uncertainy about competence or capacities abound. Friends can play that role, but they're not necessarily around. When single, tough days can seem more frequent, and building this reassurance can be hard.

I am happy to have been through periods of celibacy in my life. Those were good times (mostly), when I learned a lot about myself. Yet, I'm also happy that I met someone else (after starting that thread you just read). And I'm still learning a lot.

You're totally right that the first episode of abuse is one too many. It is strange how human beings - mostly women it seems - can live with the contradiction of finding emotional security in someone abusing them. But I understand how it can happen, and I am very admiring of you for emerging out of that relation a few years ago (and become an amazing chick in the meantime!!!).

So I agree that we shouldn't stay in relationships for the sake of prestige or security, although I recognize how hard it is to walk out of that. When I look back on that relationship that ended in June for me, I realize how unfulfilling it was on the emotional side, even if there were other aspects of the relationship that were interesting. Still, I had decided to put up with that, and it ended up being him that left me. Good for me! I have been lucky enough to meet someone who's totally caring and considerate, who not only loves to cycle but also encourages and inspires me in going further, in athletics and other areas. Of course not everything is perfect - I don't believe in the perfect fit, even if I find the metaphor useful - but I am slowly learning to discern what I find really, really important in a relationship, and what doesn't matter that much.

There are good guys out there. And you're a great girl. I am confident that you'll meet a good match sometime, but in the meantime I also know that you're so strong that you'll have no problem being on your own. Plus, you need time to train, right?