Thread Drift

[indysteel]

You know it's spring when you vacuum in the evening, only to find a mist of freshly-shed dog hair covering the carpet the next morning...

I was just expressing the same sentiment in our house. We have hardwoods and when the late afternoon sunlight hit the floors on Monday, I just about died. The carpet of cat fur is just awful. Time to vacuum and brush. And then vacuum and brush again.

[marni]

You know it's spring when you vacuum in the evening, only to find a mist of freshly-shed dog hair covering the carpet the next morning...

and if you own a corgie, it takes less than a week to grow a carpet. Honestly, between the projectile shedding maine coon with hairy armpits and the corgie who walks around in her own personal cloud of loose hair, I do dust bunny patrol with the vacume daily and still can't keep ahead.

Ahh spring. Dog and cat hair inside, tree pollen outside, allegra with an occasional side shot of benedryl inbetween.

[snapdragen]

marni! I did not know you were Of the Corgi too! I have small "puppies" gathering in the corners, it's time to vacuum...again..

[Crankin]

Just came back from a walk.
It finally feels like spring.

[indysteel]

Argh! The air handler in my office is making this high pitched whistle/whooshing sound all of a sudden....and it's driving me to the edge of insanity. I have a call into maintenance, but as you might imagine, it ranks pretty low on the list of problems in a 105 year old building.

[WindingRoad]

Geez Peanut is shedding terrible too! She has little 'mini me's' floating around and I have to go catch them!

[Fredwina]

I've got an interview about a mile from where my mother lives!

[marni]

our dear little roweena is a rescue dog with the memory of a goldfish and very many issues so she is constantly alert, barking at something and afraid of everything. She also is blind in one eye and has a shattered pelvis so her gait is funny. Never the less, she is slowly (four years later) willing to trust me when I tell her there is nothing to bark at, and learn to accept that petting is different from being hit. She has obviously been blind in the one eye for years before we adopted her as she functions so well but I tend to think that is part of her barking issue. nevermind, she is a love and gets along well with the cats and the other dog which I inherited from my father in law when he died.

[Dogmama]

Wow Marni, that is wonderful. I have a Corgi in one of my obedience classes who is blind in one eye. He is one of my best students, primarily because his dad spends time with him. Makes all the difference in the world. Many of my students are from rescue organizations. The owners realize that their dogs have some issues, so they come to me for some basic obedience and getting-along advice. If the owners actually work with their dogs between classes, the transformations are remarkable.

It sounds like you are one of those owners who really cares. Wonderful!

[indysteel]

marni, you are a dear person for caring for a special needs dog. Sounds like you were both lucky to find one another.

[indysteel]

Why oh why do I let stuff like this get to me and why haven't I learned to just shut these types of conversations down?

Some backstory: I have an older sister who I've been estranged from for about 10 or so years. That was my choice after years and years of emotional turmoil with her. She's a loving person, but she's also a Borderline, with a history of substance and alcohol abuse. At the time I made the decision to disengage, I just couldn't take "it" anymore. And by it, I mean the highs and lows of my sister's many moods, her lies, and her (mostly) self-created crises. I didn't even know at the time that she also had substance abuse issues; I just knew that her behavior had gone from bad to much, much worse. I had no energy to deal with my own life, a life that was, itself, far from perfect. For those of you familiar with Borderlines, it's very difficult to draw and enforce boundaries with them, so I didn't see much of a middle ground. And so I ended our relationship, and began (and am still in) therapy to deal with, not just my sister, but the rest of my dysfunctional family and upbringing.

So, with that context, when my mother told me today that she "was concerned about my sister," I should have politely told her that while I care about my sister, I am not interested in knowing the details of what ails her. But I didn't have that foresight. My mom proceeded to tell me that my sister is going blind in one eye because of Hashimoto's Disease. Now, there is some truth to that in that my sister has Graves' Disease (as do I) and GD can cause significant eye issues, including blindness. Hashi's and Graves are very closely related diseases. But the other details my mom provided where so factually inaccurate and/or illogical, that it made me wonder if this was just another example of my sister's lies (she has a long history of lying about or exaggerating health problems). For instance, my mom had no answer for me when I asked whether my sister's endo had made a referral (and an emergency one at that) to an opthamologist or ocular surgeon. I can just picture it: At her last endo appointment, the doctor may have talked generally about thyroid eye disease and, from there, my sister suddenly believed that she, herself, is going blind. I've seen it way too many times with her. The last time she called me out of the blue a few years ago, it was to tell me (falsely) that she had lupus.

Suddenly, I was emotionally regressing back to 2001--to a time that was not particularly good or happy for me, and back to a state of extreme conflict over my sister. I know I'm in a better place now, but between the guilt I sometimes feel over disengaging from her and the intense anger she can still inspire, I feel kind of down. I know that Borderlines often lie without being conscious of the lie in the same way that a sane person is, but while I strive for compassion, it's not always easy.

Sigh. Thanks for "listening." I'm not looking for anything in response; I just needed to vent. In fact, if you're read this entire post, you deserve an enormous thanks!

[redrhodie]

((((Indy))) I know how you feel. I have a similar relationship with my eldest half brother, and I disengaged from him after a minor betrayal. My father constantly tried to get me to become involved in his life and problems. It's really hard to say no, but you have to care for yourself first. Some people are just trouble. They will drag you down if you let them.

I also feel guilt, but I know it's better than dealing with his issues.

[Blueberry]

((((Indy)))))

Your sister sounds a lot like my father. I'm glad you're in a better place now than you were then. Hang on to that, and don't hesitate to vent/schedule a few extra therapy sessions. Take care of yourself.

[indysteel]

Thanks, my friends. The hugs are much appreciated.

[Crankin]

Your sister will never change.
Hold your boundaries and care for yourself.
Sadly, although you cannot diagnose a personality disorder until someone is 18, I am treating a 13 year old who is exactly like your sister.