Work lunch hr.: getting married

[Crankin]

I somewhat regret having the 20 people in my apt. and then dinner in a nice restaurant. My only friends there were the attendants. We did not want a big fancy wedding, more like 50 or so people for a luncheon at a hotel. We were too lazy and cheap to plan it and our parents were out of state.
So, I had the tasteful luncheon at a restaurant with a dj for my son's bar mitzvahs. We had 50 at the first and 100 at the second. Mostly friends, ours and the kids. I will remember those and the wedding, well we're still married after 33 years.

ETA: Oops, that should have been 33 years. Yes, my kids are 30 and 27. I was in a rush and on my I Phone.

[GLC1968]

I should clarify - I'm not upset or offended or pissed off about what anyone said here! What I posted is my feeling and response about how people view weddings in general.

As usual, the ladies of TE were much more sensitive to 'different strokes for different folks' than the average group of real-world people usually are....

No worries at all!

[goldfinch]

We lived together for years. Some years ago on one of the last days of the year we got married, primarily for tax reasons. A friend who is a federal bankruptcy judge officiated. Neither of us can remember the date. I think the year was 1986. His parents sent us $300 and that was it for gifts. Our rings came from a pawn shop. At some point my spouse inherited his mother's wedding ring and gave it to me so I swapped out the rings. I lost his mothers ring when I lost weight. One day it wasn't on my hand anymore.

I miss the ring.

[Crankin]

You really don't remember when you got married? I mean, we lived together, too, and I don't put that much stock in a piece of paper, but even if you don't have a big party, the day itself was special to me. I guess I am more romantic than I give myself credit for. People always accuse DH and I of being too "pragmatic," and have taken each new phase of our life in stride and tried not to let ourselves be changed too much.
I lost my wedding ring, too. It was a beautiful, one of a kind free flowing gold sculpty looking thing and one day it was just not there. I think it fell off at the gym. Then my engagement ring got stolen. I had a very plain gold band for awhile and on Mother's Day, 1992, DH and the kids presented me with a diamond infinity band, which I still have. I think the kids were more excited than me.

[zoom-zoom]

Ha, years ago I lost significant weight and for several years had to wear a thing under my wedding set to keep it fitting...drove me nuts. But the sort of puzzle design of it made resizing a difficult proposition. I would have been happy to sell the entire set in exchange for an exotic colored gemstone set in platinum or Ti. I was tired of the yellow/white gold combo. DH would not hear of selling "our" diamond, so I had it reset in a custom setting that I liked better...and it makes use of a tiny pair of diamond studs that had been my grandma's.

[goldfinch]

Crankin, I can come close but not exact. Neither of us can remember if it was December 30 or 31. But looking back the year was actually 1985. We did go to Thunderbay for Vietnamese food and an overnight. But no, it really wasn't especially romantic which in some ways is a shame.

[carlotta]

I love reading everyone's stories, and especially those of you who have had less-traditional ceremonies!

We just got engaged (together for four years, lived together for 3+, decided to get married a year or so ago, went ring shopping in Sept, so this wasn't a complete surprise, although I hadn't actually seen the ring) and I/we would really rather have a party, probably with a quick ceremony by a friend, but I have a feeling the parents may not be so happy with that decision. We're not going into debt for anything, and if they offer to pay for xxx, I've yet to decide if it'd be bad taste to suggest that they gift that to us as help for a downpayment on a house down the road-- it just seems kind of frivolous to spend so much on one day (for us, I've been to some amazing weddings and not judging anyone who goes that route, just not our style). Then there's the question of where it happens, we're from opposite sides of the country (Florida/NW, with assorted infirm-ish relatives in each place), most of our friends are in the SW, and we live in the NE.... fun!

So, yeah, I see the merits of the lunchtime post office routine

[Trek420]

we're from opposite sides of the country (Florida/NW, with assorted infirm-ish relatives in each place), most of our friends are in the SW, and we live in the NE.... fun!

Easy peasy. Wedding when, how and wherever you want. Then a series of bike tours with party after in other locations for get together with those who can't make the big day. Problem solved by bike

My parents were married in city hall by a JOP during the war years. No fancy clothes, party, gifts etc. After the wedding they both went back to work at their jobs at Kaiser shipyard building the Liberty ships. They were very happily married over 60 years till Dad passed. We had a big 60th anniversary party.

Good luck to all the happy TE couples.

[happyscientist]

We lived together for years. Some years ago on one of the last days of the year we got married, primarily for tax reasons. A friend who is a federal bankruptcy judge officiated. Neither of us can remember the date. I think the year was 1986. His parents sent us $300 and that was it for gifts. Our rings came from a pawn shop. At some point my spouse inherited his mother's wedding ring and gave it to me so I swapped out the rings. I lost his mothers ring when I lost weight. One day it wasn't on my hand anymore.

I miss the ring.

That is hilarious.

As for lost rings, mine is too big because I have lost more than 30 lbs since getting married, so I just moved it to my middle finger. It fits perfectly. My husband was a little annoyed until I showed him how it would just fall off while walking. Besides, he married a nontraditional woman; he can't be surprised if my wedding ring is a little nontraditional.

[Blueberry]

I really see both sides of this. DH and I wanted to get married on the beach, by ourselves. My parents threw a fit, and we ended up having a ceremony that was a huge compromise for their benefit (not what we wanted - and they weren't paying). It was, at least, outside and still relatively small - but not what DH and I wanted. We would definitely do things differently now.

The BIL (who has been the subject of more than one dear-so-and-so post here) is planning a giant wedding next year in a big city - and we're already dreading it. It's what he wants, and it's what his fiancee wants - so that's great. It's scheduled when I probably can't go (class) - but he doesn't even know that yet. But - DH has no relationship with either of their parents for very good reasons. The brother has already told DH to be prepared to be screamed at my the relatives of one parent, and is contemplating inviting the very unstable parent who has very seriously threatened both DH and me (and with whom the BIL hasn't had a great relationship). BIL apparently expects DH to go and endure whatever is thrown at him so that BIL can have the day he wants without apparently exercising any common sense (he's entitled to invite who he wants to invite, but when you're telling a relative to expect verbal and maybe physical abuse - there needs to be a line drawn). BIL hasn't "decided" who he wants as his best man. DH told him to not worry about selecting him. In addition, BIL apparently expects that all of his male friends and my DH will take a week of their vacation and rent him a house so he can have a week long bachelor's party. In the meantime, we're carefully budgeting because I'm in school and we're trying not to borrow money until I'm actually in Medical School. DH is worried about this, and doesn't feel like he can say no, and I'm worried about everything including DH's safety. Gah.

[indysteel]

Jeez, Blueberry. That sounds awful. I sure know what I would do. It includes the words "with regrets, we will not be able to attend." I think drawing a line to protect oneself from verbal and physical abuse is acceptable. If BIL takes issue with that, then oh well. He made his choice as to whom to invite. Life is seriously too short for that kind of toxicity.

I have recommended this book many times, but it bears repeating: The Dance of Anger. It can really help people who are afraid to draw appropriate boundaries.

[Blueberry]

Indy-

I think I need to take your advice and read that book. I know what my answer would be, but there's the whole not wanting to make things worse piece. Bleh.

[MMEZ]

Ironically, I was sitting at work yesterday and around 0830 one of my employees called me (he works the overnight shift) and asked me if I could pick him up at 0945 and bring him to the Rathouse to get married at 1030! The only people in attendance were the Bride, Groom, 2 of her friends, myself and the Registrar. It was short and simple (done in two languages since we speak English, but it is required by law to also be done in German, so that was cool) and they both seem very happy. Unfortunately, she is leaving in two weeks and they won't be reunited until next July/August time frame

[lph]

I'm on both sides of this one. I love love weddings, they're such happy affairs, but I also get horrendously stressed at arranging even minor parties, so I would probably just pass out cold early on my own wedding day, if I were to have one. (Now, if someone else could just fix everything, and throw a huge and lavish party with all my friends for us, I'd be thrilled ;-) Anyhoo, we're not married, after almost 20 years together.

But being a rather private person on certain things, I find something very romantic about keeping it all under wraps, and not making any official bustle about it. It really is nobody else's business, and I salute those who are confident with keeping it a completely personal affair. Besides, if you've already done the Serious Talks and decided you want to spend your lives together, the actual ceremony is just about making it official. (Which, for the record, is what bugged me big time about the Twilight movie(s) - they meet, fall in love, and vow to stay together forever and ever and ever and will never leave each other ever ever ever etc - but then he PROPOSES and she falls over herself with happiness. So what was all that about spending eternity together, just random chat?) And some people are allergic to ceremony and just feel it's a necessary evil and an extremely unromantic part of the proceedings.

[shootingstar]

Since the lunch time hr. wedding event, the young couple are planning a big party in their home province for next summer that will be 4,000 km. away from where they live now...for family and friends.

Anyhoo, we're not married, after almost 20 years together.

Well lph, I thought I was the only wierd one in TE forum..to be with my partner, for a long time but not married for last 21 years. The diff. between you and I, is that you have a child from the union. Dearie has 2 (adult) kids from his former marriage.