Work lunch hr.: getting married

[thekarens]

My thoughts are if you want to make a big deal about it you should, but if you don't there's nothing wrong with that. You are proof that ceremonies have nothing to do with commitment.

[Eden]

I've never been big on ceremony myself. I lived with my husband for about 5 years before we married - essentially we were married in every way but legally, so when we did it was not exactly a big step..... We decided we did not want to make it a big deal. We came to the conclusion that the big wedding was for everyone else.... For us we simply wanted to make what we already had official. (Call me unromantic, but I'd have been *fine* with just signing and mailing in the right documents.... I don't think repeating someone's ceremonial words has real meaning) In the end we decided to do for ourselves rather than the family.

My parents were cool with it (they themselves had eloped) My mother in law on the other hand.... I think she still resents me a bit ( as if it were my decision alone.....)

I don't think it's made my marriage any less strong- we'll be having our 17th anniversary in a few weeks.

[zoom-zoom]

My feeling is that big weddings are more for family and friends' entertainment than anything. Given how many couples we know who had lavish weddings and were divorced within 10 years makes me think that some couples lose the true intent of marriage in all the fluff of the "event."

[GLC1968]

I had a big huge lavish wedding and it was a fricken blast. Friends and family are still talking about what a great time it was and we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary. But, I love to throw a good party, so it was fun for me. We spent money where it mattered and made the day memorable both for us and for our guests. And I was very relaxed about it all because I was of the mindset that all that really mattered was that it was the day I was committing the rest of my life to my best friend. Everything else was gravy.

My brother met his wife at the courthouse one day after she got off work and they got married, just like that. No special party, no special dress....he called me 30 minutes later and told me and I was happy for him. Big parties would not have suited her at all, so it worked for them.

To each their own.

Nothing pisses me off more than when people assume that I was more concerned with my wedding day than with my new marriage just because I had a big wedding, unless it's when people assume that no wedding means, no planning or thought went into it. It's as bad as thinking that a guy wearing lycra bike shorts is gay.

[limewave]

Nothing pisses me off more than when people assume that I was more concerned with my wedding day than with my new marriage just because I had a big wedding, unless it's when people assume that no wedding means, no planning or thought went into it. It's as bad as thinking that a guy wearing lycra bike shorts is gay.

^ I concur! Except I'm the opposite. I had a lot of criticism for deciding to get married (a decision we made together--not a traditional proposal) then getting married 4 days later (why wait???). I think people become critical when they are trying to process someone else's behavior/decisions that they don't understand (I've never been guilty of that myself). People are just different. To each their own.

[Kiwi Stoker]

Interesting, often couples of other cultures get married first at a registary office before having their traditional ceremony- I have know both Chinese and Indian couples doing this. I suspect they want to make sure their marriage is legit. There is absolutely no fuss involved, more like a business transaction. Maybe your collegue has something else in mind in the near future?

[indysteel]

Just to be clear GLC--I, too, believe in "to each their own" when it comes to weddings. I have nothing against those people who choose to have a big(ger) wedding--which is why I said in my first post that I understand why people have them and attach the significance to them that they do. I hope my comments did not offend and, if they did, I apologize. To be honest, I would have liked a small ceremony and reception, but the state of my family has skewed my feelings about celebrating things with them. My parents have a way of taking the joy out of things, so not having them there was more important than a communal ceremony.

[Melalvai]

My mom really wanted a much bigger wedding for me, but she was ok with my decision to have a small ceremony with only the immediate family. She organized a picnic 3 weeks later and invited all the aunts & uncles, so she sort of got her way.

I'm ok with any type of ceremony and if a couple doesn't have a lot of money for a big wedding and doesn't want to rack up debt for a big wedding, they are being fiscally responsible and that's a good sign for their future (not a guarantee of course). I liked our little ceremony and it was pretty much no fuss, and we have this nice little story now about how my husband, who is very quiet, took my mother aside and told her to stop bossing everyone especially his future wife around.

If I were to do it again I'd probably let Mom do the bigger wedding for me. I don't really regret having a small, low-stress wedding. But I feel differently about weddings now, after I missed a couple weddings of my cousins because they live too far away, but I was able to make the grueling drive to 3 funerals. There were too many relatives I only see at the funerals, and spouses & children that I only met at a funeral--or the one little girl that I never did meet. I met her little brother at her funeral.

I would like to see them at happier occasions. In recent years I have definitely made more of an effort to go to weddings when I'm invited, even if I don't know the couple all that well. I want to have more memories of weddings and happy occasions than memories of funerals.