Help! Need to ditch slow neighbor! (long-ish)

[smilingcat]

What Irulan and Bicilista had to say. Don''t sugar coat the "bad" news. Maybe they are realize they are in way over their head with your bicycle ability and not sure how to break the news to you.

Just tell them that you enjoyed their company but training ride is just that and you have a training goal. And don't show up with a 40 pound beater bike so that you can ride slowly with them. It sends a wrong message. If you have a kit wear it. Ride your regular training bike. They'll see that your intended ride is not the same as them. They will understand.

[indysteel]

I agree that you should just be honest. And while I understand the desire to provide some form of a palatable, but honest, explanation as to why you don't want to ride with this woman, I also think a simple "no, I can't" will suffice, too. If you really would like to explore a friendship with this woman, then feel free to suggest meeting for coffee or something else as an alternative, but I'll be honest that there are already a couple of red flags with this woman IMO, so be careful with how you proceed.

[Cynedra]

I agree with most things everyone said. But be forewarned, it is possible she will be offended anyway. Some people just are easily offended. From her huffiness, she might be one of those. Then again, it could just have been a bad day for her. Don't take it personally no matter what happens. I really liked the idea of the post training ride ride.

[goldfinch]

My guess is that she will be embarrassed and embarrassment can show up as huffiness.

One possibility is to ride with them but say you are going to push it a bit but you will wait for them at a certain spot. I sometimes ride with a friend of my husband's. He rides much, much faster than me. He will go up and down a hill as he waits for me. I am glad he does that because otherwise I would feel like I am holding him back.

When I ride with my cousin, I do the same thing. I tell her that I am going to push it up the hill because "I want to get the blood moving," and I either wait for her at the top or circle back around.

[Trek420]

My guess is that she will be embarrassed and embarrassment can show up as huffiness.

One possibility is to ride with them but say you are going to push it a bit but you will wait for them at a certain spot. I sometimes ride with a friend of my husband's. He rides much, much faster than me. He will go up and down a hill as he waits for me. I am glad he does that because otherwise I would feel like I am holding him back.

When I ride with my cousin, I do the same thing. I tell her that I am going to push it up the hill because "I want to get the blood moving," and I either wait for her at the top or circle back around.

^ that. The only thing I dislike about cycling is the stratifying, dividing of people. I ride ___ distance at X speed with ____ amount of climbing, you ride _____ distance at x speed with more climbing, she rides _____ distance at x speed straight up a cliff. None of us can ride together.

As new cyclists their "oh, we ride that in about an hour" is not from the training standpoint we have. In training we think of the exact speed and time. A new or newer cyclist "about an hour" could be an hour or maybe two.

They also might not think of the hour as continual. They go out for "about and hour" which includes some breaks, getting started, rest etc. It might sound dry, exclusive and a bit catty but if you don't know the rider and are planning a ride "I'm doing 40 mile non-stop training rides averaging a speed of 18 mph". Be exact.

If you blow them off you may destroy what could become a budding love of cycling. If I was in their SPD compatible shoes or maybe it's KEENS I'd surely be turned off to both riding and cyclists.

When I ride with my cousin I climb at my slow but steady pace, he does hill repeats or even explores a side route while I get to the top. Ask them if they mind you doing that because you must train for the event.

There's obviously an interest in getting fit. Do they run, walk? If you're a runner you might literally do a run while they ride. That may inspire them to get a new bike.

Is there a bike club with an a no drop ride? Ask them if their interested and join them there. You get to ride at the front, they have a sweep. You see them at start and end, maybe the meal after. In a way yes, it's not fair that you're both leading and sweeping.

Lastly since they need to learn more about cycling including basic maintenance why not invite them here? They will learn a lot and maybe be able to join you next season on some early season training rides.

Just delete this thread first. because really it comes off a little catty and exclusive.

[Aromig]

Everyone has wonderful advice.

They know they're slow, and they likely feel bad about it. I started riding with co-workers after work. It was clear that one co-worker (whose goal was to train) clearly wasn't getting a workout because we were too slow. I had an accident that prevented me from riding for a few months, and the rides just sortof went away -- but in a way it was a relief because the two of us that were slow felt bad and the fast person obviously didn't want to hurt our feelings. I'll admit -- when the fast person would ask if the pace was right, I often reacted huffily which was unfair because the fast rider was just being courteous but my reaction was more because I knew I was holding him back. We had these issues and we'd known each other nearly a decade. I can't imagine how much trickier it is with someone you're just meeting!

[Trek420]

They know they're slow, and they likely feel bad about it.

Maybe not. Maybe they did not know they're slow till they met you/us.

Remember your first ride as an adult. "Yeah baby, we cool, we bad, riding 5 miles maybe less!!!!"

Odds are they did not know they were slow, that their helmet's on backwards that bikes can be repaired and tires inflated, that one should eat first before doing something hard or at least hard for them (remember the fight before you turned around for breakfast? Sounds like bonking to me) .... until you arrived.

Here's the tricky part. You can't be expected to nurture them from where they are to full carbon, kit wearing, clipless status. But I'd want to nurture that tiny precious little spark of what they want to do (ride to better health) and help get them started.

Point them in the right direction subliminal hint, to the TE forum and offer to be a resource.

All bikes and all riders are good at least in my book even or maybe especially "no name MTB's". They might or might not ever do centuries but they can be good riders with our help.

Point 'em here! We can help. Than later on when they improve and drop you on the club ride you will have a riding friend and not a ticked off neighbor.

[climbergirl]

Thanks to everyone who has responded and given me support here in this thread.

I think we've settled it. I left a plate of cookies on her porch, she took the initiative to say that maybe we shouldn't ride together, that what I called a "recovery ride" she called a "joy ride". I agreed with her that there's lots of joy in biking and I didn't want to squish that for her. And I suggested that next spring we could arrange a family bike ride with our kids (5 total between 9 and 14) and in the meantime, that I hoped we could still share the occasional cup of coffee.

Thanks again, everybody. Just having a place I could TALK about this, without feeling like a total b!tch, helped bring me a lot of perspective!

[Irulan]

cookies FTW

[roo4]

A plate of cookies can solve many problems.

[Trek420]

Cookies and beer!

[Melalvai]

I'm so glad to hear that nice resolution to the story.

I've been feeling discouraged lately because I am just plain slow. I run a 13 min mile. I swim a 1.5 min lap. (I could be a faster cyclist with a nice road bike but that's not where I want to put my resources.) I started biking 7 years ago for transportation. I've gotten quite a bit more fit and slimmed down. I have the "heart of an athlete" (according to my doc). If you put everyone out there on a bike, or run, or swim, I'd beat most of them. But they aren't out there, and so I'm slower than everyone who IS out there.

I don't care about comparing myself with others. Most of the time I can be happy with the fact that I'm out there, and the fact that everyone else is so far ahead of me doesn't matter. But sometimes I just feel alone. I wonder where are all the beginners? Where is everyone else who is slow like me?

I'm glad that you can support your neighbor in her effort to break into something new. I hope you can encourage her. Maybe some of that encouragement will find its way back to me somehow.

[roo4]

Melalvai,

I'm in the same boat. Wish we lived in the same town!

[Catrin]

Same here Melalvai, wish we lived closer! I will never be speedy on the bike and that is ok....but I hear you! I ride a lot but my riding position insures a slower pace. I would probably be slower if I were more aerodynamic but it is nice to have something to blame it on I am faster than those who don't ride often, but that is about it.

[Grits]

Melalvai and roo4, Me too! I'm faster than anyone who does not ride regularly, but I'm the slowest of those who do. I've decided that I am as fast as I am going to get unless I am willing to devote more time to and become much more serious about my riding, which I guess I'm just not willing to do. I try to just enjoy my rides, but it is a little discouraging to be the slowest most of the time. I don't know that I can blame it completely on my age, but I do happen to be the oldest in my riding group. I also claim to have no fast twitch muscles!