Dear Taffy
It's great that your former human slave got you accustomed to a harness and lead, really it is. I enjoy taking the occasional walk around the street with you. Note the word "occasional". Honestly, I'd have gotten a dog if I wanted to be out for hours at a time, two or three times a day. Please, please, give me a rest.
And stop climbing the fence in the back yard to run along the tops of all the townhouse fences. Their yards aren't any more interesting than ours, I promise. I realize that you are part-Siamese and very athletic, but at age 12 you should at least be behaving like an adult cat and not the worlds' oldest kitten.