Menopause and Relationships

[SueDavis]

I too have seperation anxiety at different times of the month when my husband goes off to work. And at other times can't stand to be around him because he has a very stressful job and when I'm feeling on the upswing he can very easily bring me down. I love him to death and have been going to a therapist for years but now that I'm starting to go through the change, I need it more than ever. I have found that doing research on your own can help alot. Doctors vary on this subject and it sucks. What works for one may not work for another. I have found the book "The Wisdom of Menopause" to be of great help too. It's a big book and haven't gotten through it all yet. The only thing that I must say is that the author does talk about her divorce that she had the courage to do in the midst of her "change" was a bit unsettleing for me during my downswing. Made me second guess even my marriage which is pretty strong. Just learned when I should read it and when not to.

[Irulan]

The short version: any issue you haven't dealt with in your life will come to a head. There will be no setting issues aside anymore. Get therapy if you haven't already.

The long version.
From what I've read, this seems to be the time of life that if you haven't dealt with your stressors/baggage/issues etc, they will come raging out of your pores. I think this is why divorces are so common with midlife women. The way menopause raises the intensity of what's going on anyway, perhaps with issues that you haven't dealt with or even been aware of, the tolerances for what one considers acceptable to live with can really change. I witnessed this with my own mother, who hit menopause and packed up and split what was a terrible situation,(left us kids behind to suffer but that's a different discussion) and with many women in my orbit, which is filled with mid life women who divorced, decided they hate men or only wanted to be with women, needed to go find themselves after having been wives and mothers, or whatever. Sure I might sound biased in my opinion. I was affected very negatively.

Me, I've been perimenopausal for years now. My periods are slowly tapering off but won't quite quit. I've suffered from dysthmic depression and anxiety for years, and have been in treatment for it, so I have nothing new going on there. I've found the hot flashes vary greatly with my diet. I try to take responsibility for my mood and not take it out on my partner. No matter how I feel, my actions and reactions are very much a behavior choice.

[itself]

Some great input. Thanks gals. At least now I know I am not going crazy...