Menopause and Relationships

[Biciclista]

I did not expect this. I expected conversation about dwindling sex drive and all that nuts and bolts stuff.
To answer your question though, I think that women who are really emotional during periods are the ones who have issues at menopause. It never affected me the way you are describing. Sorry.
One more thing, your hormones might be normal, but what if you have some other problem with your uterus that causes the cramping and bleeding?
When I was right about your age, periods got nasty but it lasted less than a year. hang in there. On the other side, it is awesome.

[ny biker]

One more thing, your hormones might be normal, but what if you have some other problem with your uterus that causes the cramping and bleeding?

That's what I thought. For example, I know some women who had terrible cramps caused by fibroids.

[OakLeaf]

Did your doctor tell you that low testosterone would not affect your moods? I can't see how it wouldn't? (Don't women manufacture all our testosterone from estrogen anyway - not directly?)

I was also under the impression that hormones had to be tested several times to get a picture of what's going on, since they vary so much over the course of a cycle.

But ... for me it's hard to say. We've gone through so many changes and stresses over the years as a couple that I can't really point to menopause for anything other than changes in our sex life (and even there, there was another HUGE factor).

[Dogmama]

First - I've been told that hormones fluctuate throughout the day so one blood test, or even several, cannot be definitive. Some docs do saliva tests, other docs say they're worthless. Who knows?

BUT, I can attest that menopause can wreck havoc on moods. My anxiety can go through the roof due to small life circumstances. A low dose of benzodiazapines (sp? like Valium) have been prescribed but even at miniscule amounts, I become extremely lethargic and feel removed from life itself. Plus there is the addiction factor & my family history isn't great in that area. It does help with sleep - for about four hours and then I'm wide awake. Not good.

My husband, bless his heart, is the pillar of understanding. I'm extremely lucky & blessed to have him in my life. Still - I have to live with me and that isn't easy. Medically, I'm finally (really!) going to see a naturopath next week. Bioidentical hormones were not my answer because of side effects (IBS becomes exacerbated, cannot wear contacts due to dry eyes, joints become very sore) so this person is my last medical hope. Hot flashes are still severe. When I die you'll know my grave site - hot coals will be tame in comparison.

So, that's the bad stuff. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I think menopause is a time when we can look inside for our answers. I've been doing meditation and am preparing to again go through the Jon Kabat Zinn 8 week meditation series for anxiety. It reminds me that I may have anxiety but that doesn't define me as a person. It teaches me to watch my thoughts & realizing that they 1. affect mood profoundly and 2. are not always accurate. It helps put things into perspective. Plus, there are no side effects. The challenge is to make the time and realize that even if you can only sit still for a minute, that is better than nothing. It does get easier with time, then it gets a little harder, then easier. It's two steps forwards, one step back. But the times when I can be OK in my own skin are wonderful and definitely more frequent.

I recommend the book, Full Catastrophe Living, by Kabat-Zinn as a great starting point. He talks about being mindful in everyday life. I hadn't realized how much of my life was spent either ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. 98% of my fears never come true. In the meantime, I'm not present for the small joys in my life that add up to a peaceful existence. I'm not perfect and still have to really practice - and - it is getting better. It isn't instantaneous but real, long lasting deep changes take time.

So - maybe not the answer you're looking for but it's working for me. Maybe I'm lucky that I cannot take most medications because I'm forced to do this work. Who knows?

[westtexas]

I second adding more Magnesium to your life (400 mg/day). It is supposed to help with cramping of all muscles in the body, including the uterus. Most of us are deficient in this nutrient, unless you are scarfing the leafy greens and drinking bone broth by the gallon (or mineral water, I suppose). I got my mom to start taking it and it really helped her hot flashes and her cramping as she is currently going through this stage in her life. I'm still waiting for my first cycle post stopping birth control pills, but I am hopeful I will not have the severe cramping I did when I was younger.

In fact, I agree with pretty much everything Nuliajuk said. All those things have really helped my mom over the last 10 months to get her menopause symptoms under control. Plus, she lost about 20 pounds and looks and feels great.

[2wheelr]

I've been told I'm starting Perimenopause. The hot flashes are unbelievable. I've always been a warm person, wearing less than the normal person even in a blizzard, but this is ridiculous.

I am also an emotional wreck. I have always been a crier. But now, I cried last night when I saw Gabby Douglas win, the rowing team and every time they play the National Anthem. Really? My husband thinks I'm nuts, since his mother has gone her entire life without burdening anyone with anything-literally. "My mother never had that, did that, said that, cooked that" I told him he should go live with his mother, I'd help him pack and drive him. He shut up.
My daughter doesn't seem to notice at all , and my sons are concerned. (Boys are so cool) they told me to go relax and take a bath. I love them. They know what I need.
I am snapping at people for no reason, and I can hear myself, and cannot stop. The doctor has recommended hormone therapy, but I'll tell ya, I've heard of so many more problems with that!!

Hopefully, you and your partner can find a way to live with each other while this is happening. It's rough with just one person, two must be torturous. All my best!