Menopause and Relationships

[Dogmama]

First - I've been told that hormones fluctuate throughout the day so one blood test, or even several, cannot be definitive. Some docs do saliva tests, other docs say they're worthless. Who knows?

BUT, I can attest that menopause can wreck havoc on moods. My anxiety can go through the roof due to small life circumstances. A low dose of benzodiazapines (sp? like Valium) have been prescribed but even at miniscule amounts, I become extremely lethargic and feel removed from life itself. Plus there is the addiction factor & my family history isn't great in that area. It does help with sleep - for about four hours and then I'm wide awake. Not good.

My husband, bless his heart, is the pillar of understanding. I'm extremely lucky & blessed to have him in my life. Still - I have to live with me and that isn't easy. Medically, I'm finally (really!) going to see a naturopath next week. Bioidentical hormones were not my answer because of side effects (IBS becomes exacerbated, cannot wear contacts due to dry eyes, joints become very sore) so this person is my last medical hope. Hot flashes are still severe. When I die you'll know my grave site - hot coals will be tame in comparison.

So, that's the bad stuff. I do believe that things happen for a reason and I think menopause is a time when we can look inside for our answers. I've been doing meditation and am preparing to again go through the Jon Kabat Zinn 8 week meditation series for anxiety. It reminds me that I may have anxiety but that doesn't define me as a person. It teaches me to watch my thoughts & realizing that they 1. affect mood profoundly and 2. are not always accurate. It helps put things into perspective. Plus, there are no side effects. The challenge is to make the time and realize that even if you can only sit still for a minute, that is better than nothing. It does get easier with time, then it gets a little harder, then easier. It's two steps forwards, one step back. But the times when I can be OK in my own skin are wonderful and definitely more frequent.

I recommend the book, Full Catastrophe Living, by Kabat-Zinn as a great starting point. He talks about being mindful in everyday life. I hadn't realized how much of my life was spent either ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. 98% of my fears never come true. In the meantime, I'm not present for the small joys in my life that add up to a peaceful existence. I'm not perfect and still have to really practice - and - it is getting better. It isn't instantaneous but real, long lasting deep changes take time.

So - maybe not the answer you're looking for but it's working for me. Maybe I'm lucky that I cannot take most medications because I'm forced to do this work. Who knows?