Muirenn, I need to bookmark your post to remind myself of some ways to deal with my FIL. Excellent post.

I wish such strategies would work with my own mother. It's not a question of managing her as much as having to both remember and accept that she's arguably mentally ill. I can expect very little from her and what I do get is very warped. Plus, it's wrapped up into a history of neglect and emotional abuse. I keep up a lot of walls with her.