Dear So and So

[snapdragen]

Dear former coworker. I no longer work there, I am not available to answer your work related questions. Our fine employer did not see fit to give me the promised promotion, so I left. I'm certainly not going to work for free now. Stop emailing me with light breezy messages, then drop a "Oh, how do I do this..." question at the end.

[lovelygamer]

Dear Friday afternoon drivers. I'll be heading for home in three hours. Please don't honk, yell or aim at me this Friday. Last Friday, you scared me to death and almost knocked me down. Thanks.

[tulip]

Dear Dishwasher,

You haven't worked in weeks, and you haven't worked consistently in six months. So why is it, when the repair guy comes out to fix you (or replace you), you suddenly hum along like a new machine? I bet when I load you up with dirty dishes, you'll find some excuse to not work again...

-Madge

[Reesha]

Dear murdering sob raccoons who keep raiding my backyard/ chickens at 4 am,

You may have gotten one last weekend while the AC unit was on, but now I have an alarm system permanently armed (my sheltie) and as you discovered this time I am not afraid to streak across my backyard in my underwear throwing bricks and swinging a 2 x 4. May your lesson be learned quickly. Otherwise there may be a humane trap and a less humane end in your future.

[solobiker]

Dear young children in the neighborhood, I know you have fun on your little electric car...but please try to stay off of our garden area and grass area. I spent quite a bit of time trying to make it look nice, spent quite a bit of money and we have sprinklers in there too. Your parents should be out there watching you I would think..(They range in ages from 4 to 8). I spoke to you last night when I stopped you from going up and down the sidewalks and I am sure your parents are mad at me know because DH saw you walking up and down the sidewalks with your kids shortly after I spoke with them. Why do I have to be the "mean" lad on the street.

[Trek420]

Dear Family of cyclists on the MUT,

I know you love riding.

I know you love your family.

Can you please find a more reasonable, sensible, less idiotic and moronic way of doing it than the one I saw you demonstrate today?

Lots of options to choose from depending on age and ability of the fruit of your loins: trailers, trail-a-bikes or the less equipment intensive formation of a parent in front, parent in back and the 3.5 children or however many there were riding in between parental units.

Whose bright idea was it to tie the entire party and their bikes together with ropes as if you're heading for an assault on Mt Ranier, ice picks in hand, crampons on the boots, all set for crossing the crevasses?

Yet there you were in formation at the side of the trail your Walmart bikes each tied stem to stern with nylon rope.

I hope I don't read in the news tonight any one of a myriad of disasters I could imagine:

little Timmy falls, drags entire family into Lake Washington ...

little Sally strays left and knocks out blind runner and her dog ...

Or maybe this was some 20/20 experiment like the "What Would You Do?" series and I should have stopped to ask "Uh, are you sure you want to do this??"

I hope someone does.

I hope one of you looks up, sees a trail-a-bike and says "Honey? Can we get some of those?" Maybe a cycling family will stop and show you the ropes so to speak.

I regret not stopping to talk with you but hope you get the idea for your and my safety.

[solobiker]

Wow Trek..although I am not suprised.. I just don't get people these days. I feel kind of bad about talking to those kids last night.. ( read my above post) but then again I don't because they were damaging things in my yard. I tend to be non-confrontational so I always feel real bad when I do and always second guess myself. Maybe I need to move away from everybody and everything.. I keep telling my husband that one day I am going to be "the crazy cat lady"