Dear Cat

[countrygirl]

Dear cat,

Please stop punching me in the face while Im sleeping with your claws casually hanging out, I will be able to adore and pet you much more efficiently tomorrow if you will just let me sleep. Or is this about the new dog? It's been 3 years, it's time to forgive!!!

[owlice]

Dear Big Cat,

I don't know what your new fascination with the piano keys is about, but please stop trying to bite them when I'm doing scales to rehab the hand/arm; sometimes you miss and get me instead. Bad enough I have to deal with your huge furriness on my lap when I sit down to do this; we don't need to add cleaning blood off the piano to the mix.

Thank you.

Love,
The woman who feeds you

[Owlie]

Dear cat:
What exactly is so interesting about the (not-running) ceiling fan? Also, what's so awesome about the bathroom that you go running in there when I turn my back?

And just so you know, I do bathe, and it is possible to be clean without being covered in cat spit.