Self-inflicted guilt

[GLC1968]

lph - that's a really good point. There is definitely a sadness factor to it as well. I should probably work on separating those two feelings before trying to deal with the guilt. I am very much OK with being sad about change. I spent my life moving around and I remember my mom telling us during one of our particularly difficult ones "being sad when you leave only means that you had a good time and that is something you should be happy about". Somehow, that always makes me appreciate the sadness.

I do get the idea of letting go of things that no longer apply to our lives...but unfortunately, in both of these cases, that's not entirely the situation. Though, we do both have more responsibilities at work, so the farm is getting to be a bigger burden than it used to be. I could certainly frame it that way in my head. That's another good point.

Irulan - good mantras! I'll try it!

[lph]

also - maybe you feel guilty because these decisions are closely connected to who you want to be as a person. By leaving the farm do you sort of feel you're giving up on living sustainably altogether? But you can still live sustainably and be a good and moral and ethical consumer, without owning your own farm. That's just one way of expressing and living that ideal.
Just a thought, I don't know if this is the case for you or not obviously.

[indysteel]

1. You donated a valuable car to the humane society so that a lot of animals will be helped.

2. You spent 4 years learning about sustainability, so now you can apply that to the rest of your life while living in an urban situation. Most likely, you will pass along what you learned to other urban 'dwellers.'

Hmmm. I don't see a failure here.

Me neither. Pretty impressive if you ask me.

GLC, imagine that instead of talking to yourself, you're talking to your best friend. She's changed her mind about two big things in her life. Would you be this hard on her with respect to these changes? Would you encourage her to see the positive aspects of these decisions? Would you encourage her to forgive herself for not living up to some self-imposed ideal? Would you encourage her to take pride in the maturity it takes to make positive changes in her life?

Now repeat after me: You ARE your best friend.

[Crankin]

GLC, it's OK to change your mind about what best fits your life at any given time. Most people wouldn't even dream of sustainability in the way you have. We all go through phases.
Do what's best for you, your DH, what you want. I'm a great believer in "no guilt." You're an adult and you have the right to change your mind. While you might be sad, which is normal with any transition, you have no reason to feel guilty.
I'm anxious to hear about your move to an urban environment.

[GLC1968]

Me neither. Pretty impressive if you ask me.

GLC, imagine that instead of talking to yourself, you're talking to your best friend. She's changed her mind about two big things in her life. Would you be this hard on her with respect to these changes? Would you encourage her to see the positive aspects of these decisions? Would you encourage her to forgive herself for not living up to some self-imposed ideal? Would you encourage her to take pride in the maturity it takes to make positive changes in her life?

Now repeat after me: You ARE your best friend.

I've tried this approach before, but honestly, I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold my friends. I always have.

I do get what you all are saying and you are absolutely helping me.

Looking at what I did instead of what I didn't do is huge, too. Thanks you guys!

Our next adventure will be to learn all the sustainability things we didn't have time to do when we had animals. I'm looking forward to learning things like grey-water systems, solar power and herb gardening. Unfortunately, the process of getting from where we are now to where we are going is probably going to suck pretty royally, but I'm still convinced (most of the time) that we are making the right choice. I'm sure I'll be back to cry on some shoulders when we say goodbye to the goats.

[indysteel]

I assumed you held yourself to a higher standard, but my suggestion is rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. It is possible to change your internal dialogue. You have to, first, be aware of your current dialogue. Then you have to practice, practice, practice challenging that dialogue with a new one. I'm oversimplifying of course, but with time and practice, you can change patterns of thought.

That aside, I hate to hear you being so hard on yourself. From what you share of yourself on TE, you sound like a pretty amazing person.

[lph]

From what you share of yourself on TE, you sound like a pretty amazing person.

Oh yeah! It may not be easy being the one with such high standards, but it's pretty dang inspiring for the rest of us.

[indysteel]

Oh yeah! It may not be easy being the one with such high standards, but it's pretty dang inspiring for the rest of us.

Yes, but I think you can be inspiring and amazing and still be gentle with yourself. I think that takes just as much strength of will as beating yourself up all the time for perceived failures.

[Irulan]

I do get the idea of letting go of things that no longer apply to our lives...but unfortunately, in both of these cases, that's not entirely the situation. Though, we do both have more responsibilities at work, so the farm is getting to be a bigger burden than it used to be. I could certainly frame it that way in my head. That's another good point.

Irulan - good mantras! I'll try it!

I don't mean letting go of ideas that mean something. I mean letting go of the urge to have negative internal talk about it.