Dear self: Just write another page and a half. He doesn't actually care and just wants to see that you've written something. (I realize the topic you're supposed to be writing about is BS, but surely you can come up with some BS about the BS?)

Dear apartment:
Why have you swallowed my stamps? I need those to pay my electricity bill.

Dear car:
I love you and you're ever so helpful, what with my late classes and all that, but you are getting to be expensive. First the catalytic converter, then another car insurance payment, then the fact that gas is absurdly expensive here because it's the middle of nowhere (even though it's next to a mid-size city). Maybe I should buy another bike and let you have three days a week off...