Boob control

[han-grrl]

this was too funny!


For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your bre@sts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my b00b in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor b00b was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless t i t!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

[snapdragen]

ROTFLMFAO! That is hysterical, and so true!

[Trekhawk]

Thanks for my first laugh of the day.

[Duck on Wheels]

A feminist gynecologist I know once wrote a journal article about a great new technology, the Ballograph. Basically, she just copied a piece about mammography, word for word, but switched the m's to b's and l's. Otherwise identical text about how only rarely do the plates lock in the squeezed position, only rarely does bruising result, that the pain (though pretty intense) is only brief, and so on and so on. Then when the journal came out, she had a lot of fun watching her male colleagues cringe as they read it.

[CorsairMac]

ROFLMAO!!! Holy Smokes I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! Thanks for sharing!

[DrBee]

This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

[babygirl]

Thanks for this jokes, it made me laughed alot

[maillotpois]

I have to have my first ever mammogram today. I am glad I found this post before I went!!!

[mmelindas]

Loved that poem about the boob-crusher! I personally want to become a doctor so I can torture the men who invent such atrociously painful machines!!

My husband always shops around for his doctor, preferring women. I asked him why (being a newlywed and suspicious) and he said, "Have you ever seen the size of men doctor's hands??" Still puzzled, I pursued this delicate and confusing topic further, and asked, "SO?"

He sighed the sigh of a man who has suffered at the hands of male doctors and said, "the old prostate-finger-up-the b_tt exam!! I look for a woman who wears child size gloves!"

I about rolled on the floor laughing at the visual image of a man putting on gloves with hands the size of a ham and the look on my husband's face.......seeing those hands!

Yeah, I think we women should invent some really torturous machines that ALL men are required to have to submit to!!! I have personally suffered from the ancient boob-crusher many a time and I have almost non-existent boobs!!

Yeaaaaaaah!!!!