Dear So and So

[Owlie]

Not-remotely-dear electric company:
While I realize my apartment has no insulation (and that the heating is electric), I fail to see how it is physically possible to use $100 worth of electricity in a 1-bedroom apartment in 33 days, especially considering that I wasn't in said apartment for 14 of those days, and the heating was off.
You suck.

USPS:
I like you guys, normally. I've never had a problem with you until now--the rest was caused by jerkfaces swiping things off my doorstep. This time? I'm getting suspicious that this never made it off the truck or something, and there's no way for me to contact you to ask what the heck is going on.